Laughter Through Tears

I know, I know.  The very last thing I said I would do was blog – and then I haven’t.  I just haven’t.  I have to say that this has been a dark time in my life.  I want a job.  I have applied for dozens of jobs.  And I can’t get even a nibble.  I know I have the skills, but what I apparently lack is the right connection to take my application from the massive amounts of resumes submitted online to a real person’s desk.   But I trust that God is in control of this situation.

Still – it has been a rough few weeks emotionally.  Every day I have had to convince myself to get out of bed and get dressed.  Some days I even showered!  When I get depressed, I tend to withdraw, and because there are situations where I have to force myself to be in front of people – like church, and the choir concert, etc. – I expend a phenomenal amount of energy being “up.”  That leaves me completely drained when the event is over – so the depression deepens.  I don’t want to be around people…I don’t want to write…I don’t want to do anything.  Decorating the tree was particularly hard this year.  Normally, it is a time when we have friends over – we laugh – we listen to Christmas music – we reminisce over who gave each ornament.  This year, Dave helped me set the tree up – but I decorated it alone.  And it took me a while – because I kept crying.

However, I am HAPPY to announce that the house is decorated for Christmas (completely – although I did NOT do all that I have done in previous years).  The house is clean (mostly).  I have already worked on some goodies – although I am certainly NOT doing everything I have done in prior years.  The package, what little there was, has been sent to Canada, and should arrive any day.  And through this stress, I have not reverted to the one thing I feared the most – eating!  In fact, I have actually lost weight since losing my job.  I FINALLY broke the 200-pound mark – that I have been hovering around since February.  I am wearing size 16 jeans! 

During this time, God has shown His provision in a mighty way.  We have not gone without the basic necessities.  Through His beautiful people, He has touched our lives over and over again.  We have been blessed beyond belief – and continue to trust that He will provide, even when we don’t see the how.  Every time there has been a need, there has also been a way. 

And this year, more than ever before, Christmas is about the Baby lying in a manger.  Not about the decorations.  Not about the presents.  Not about the food, or getting together with friends and family, or about the concerts.  It’s about the BABY – and nothing else matters.