What is Real?

My favorite book as a child was “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams. It is still at the top of my list today. If you have not read this book, I strongly urge you to find it, read it, and think about what it has to say. It shouldn’t take you very long – and it might resonate with you the way it has with me through the years. My favorite passage is a conversation between the old Skin Horse – a rocking horse that had been in the nursery for generations, and the Velveteen Rabbit. Let me quote it for you:

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"


"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

“The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real, you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

I love this! And I want to be REAL! I want to be REAL in my relationships – with God, with Dave, with my family, with my friends, and with my co-workers. I want to be REAL in my day-to-day life. I want to be REAL in everything I do. But I think REAL is much more about BEING than about DOING. As humans, we like to see accomplishments and credentials. We like awards. We like letters after someone’s name. There is nothing wrong with that – but those are certainly not things that God looks at. He sees the heart – the very core of who we are and who we are becoming!

Being Content

Last night I attended a weight loss surgery support group. There is something comforting about being in the same room with people who share my struggles with food – and with the after effects of the surgery. The ladies in that room understand the complete frustration when your body stalls and plateaus. They have felt the bone-chilling cold. They know that this journey is labor, and they know they have to make good choices for the rest of their lives. The guest speaker was a plastic surgeon – there to talk about the various options people have for plastic surgery after dramatic weight loss.

I will say that I was probably the only person in the room who was not hanging on every word he said. I have already made up my mind that plastic surgery is probably not in my future. (Insurance only pays for a few surgeries, and then only in very rare circumstances.) But even with that knowledge – the before and after pictures were impressive. I understand how the women in those pictures feel better about themselves. Plastic surgery can remove excess skin, and fat pockets (like those love handles that NEVER go away no matter what you do), and it can lift things and put them back to a place that much more closely resembles “normal.”

I’m going to take a scripture completely out of context, but Paul, in his letter to the Philippians says, “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

How much time do I spend not being content with my circumstances? I’m not content with my health – I’m not content with my weight – I’m not content with what I look like – I'm not content with finances - I’m not content with traffic – I’m not content with the faults of the people around me – I’m not content most of the time it seems. I’m not even sure that I know what it means to be really content.

My prayer today is to find that contentment! Contentment, serenity, satisfaction are learned behaviors – Paul says that he has learned to be content. Whatever it takes – that is a lesson I want to learn. I don’t think it is a lesson that can be learned from cosmetic surgery. But when I DO learn that lesson, I want to hold onto it for the rest of my life!

Another New Adventure

OK – I thought learning to cut Dave’s hair was an adventure. In retrospect, it was not nearly as much of an adventure as HIM learning to cut my hair! Start with the fact that he is such a perfectionist. It wasn’t quite cutting one hair at a time – but it was close. Then there is the problem of one side is a little shorter than the other side – and we have to even it out – only the second side ends up a little shorter than the first side – so we have to even THAT out – well, you can see how easy it would be for me to be bald before the night was over. But he persevered, and I made it through the hair pulling (totally by accident, of course) – and voila – I have my new haircut. And to Dave’s credit – he did a great job. In fact, I was leaving a store yesterday, and someone stopped me and told me that she LOVED my hair. I just smiled and said, “Thank you.”

My Mom gave me a bag of clothes the last time I was up there. In it was a skirt and top she thought I could wear. I was a little nervous about trying it on – it is basically a straight skirt – and I have always had such big hips that I’m much more comfortable with an A-line – or fuller skirt. I don’t look so much at sizes anymore – I just try things on and if they don’t look good, I move on. Well, I tried this on – and it fit perfectly. I wore yesterday to church, and today to work. After I took it off yesterday afternoon – I looked at the size. Both pieces are a 14/16! WHOOHOO! I had no idea.

I have been in a holding pattern for the last week or so, and this means I probably won’t reach 200 pounds before my surgiversary (on February 24). But that is part of the process, so I am really OK with that.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Colossians 3:12)

Mark Twain once said, “It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.” Isn’t that true? This scripture from Colossians is easy to understand – but so hard to put into practice. This is my prayer for today – to worry more about the clothes God wants me to wear – of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience – and less about the clothes on my body!

Do Not Worry

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes...Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:25, 27, 33, 34, NIV)

Have you ever heard this phrase, “If I just had ___________, then I wouldn’t have to worry.” Maybe you have said it yourself – filling in the blank with any number of things: a good job, a million dollars, or a significant other in my life. We toss out this kind of statement as if worrying were the natural course of events, and only finding the “magic” thing (or combination of things) can keep us from worrying.

I come from a long line of worriers. We never told my grandmother when we expected to be at her house, because she would worry if we weren’t there exactly on time – imagining all sorts of horrors about how we were lying in a ditch by the road somewhere. We didn’t want her to worry – so we only gave vague times – and frequently over-exaggerated our departure time so that we would be there earlier than she expected us. My mother is a worrier – and I do my best to keep things from her that I know she will worry about. I won’t lie in answer to a direct question, but if there is any way I can avoid the question being asked, I will do that. I have the “worry gene” too. I am quite adept at imagining all manner of disasters, and most of them never become reality.

“I wouldn’t have to worry.” If you take out the conditional part of this statement, you are left with, “I have to worry.” Imagine that, “I have to worry.” Despite the fact that Jesus clearly told us “do not worry” we live our lives as if we have to worry, as if it is some sort of requirement. What will I eat? How will I pay this bill? Can I stick with this weight loss? Am I going to get a job? What if my boss doesn’t like this presentation? What about global warming? The unrest in the Middle East? Once I start the worry engine – I can go on forever, with no end in sight.

So, if I don’t worry, what am I supposed to DO? Jesus answers that, as well, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things [that you are not supposed to be worrying about] will be given to you as well.” When we have our priorities straight, there truly is nothing to worry about.

In His Image

This morning, on the way to the vanpool stop, there was a guest on the radio station that my husband listens to. She was talking about her new book, which deals with the self-esteem issues that many women have. (She claims that only 2% of women like what they see in the mirror.) She made several excellent points, but one just stuck in my head: for every single compliment a woman receives (from ANYONE), there are hundreds of negative images she receives every day – from media, and doctors, and celebrities. I must confess, I have struggled with self-esteem all of my life – and most, if not all, of my friends have the same issues. It doesn’t matter what we look like – we don’t like what we see in the mirror.

I have thought about this frequently. And I have chided friends who criticized themselves. And yet, I do it to myself all the time. Where exactly is the disconnect on this issue?

In the first chapter of Genesis, we have a beautiful picture of creation. After God created the world, and the sky, and the land and seas, and plants, and light, and animals of every kind, He saw that it was good. “Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:26-27, NIV)

Did you catch that, ladies? We are created the image of God. Let me say it again, God created us IN HIS IMAGE! And when He was done creating mankind, He looked at everything, and saw that it was VERY good. When He created land and seas, it was good. When he created all of the creatures of the earth, it was good. But when He created mankind, it was VERY good.

When people look at me, and then look at my parents, I’m always amused when they say I look like one or the other. I certainly do not mind looking like my parents at all (I think they are both attractive people) – the amusement comes because it is split about 50/50 on which parent I do look like. Some are adamant that I look like my father, while others are equally convinced I look like my mother. My guess is that I look something like both of them.

In the same way, I “look” like my heavenly Father, perhaps not in physical appearance, but in the real things that matter. I’m not a perfect copy of Him, at least not yet, but I have been created in His image. What right do I have to criticize something that God created? He made flowers in all shapes and sizes and colors. He made animals that swim, that fly, that crawl, and that walk. It makes sense that He would make a diverse collection of humans, as well. So what if the world tells me that beauty means no wrinkles or shiny hair or any one of a number of arbitrary, external features? God, my CREATOR, tells me “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry of fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (I Peter 3:3-4, NIV) Here’s to ALL of the beautiful women I call, “FRIEND.” I see God in you – and that makes you beautiful – no argument allowed!

Beyond Love

I love the verses from I Corinthians 13: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…” (I Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV

I wish that I could say that I loved like that. I can’t. I wish that these verses were written about me. They weren’t. I wish that I were better at this now, than I was 20 years ago. I don’t know that I am. But what a goal – what an inspiration!

Imagine what the world would be if everyone practiced these few verses. There would be no crime – because people would be more concerned with others than themselves. There would be no divorce, because relationships based on this kind of love would thrive. No dysfunctional families – no wars – no bickering. In fact, life would be perfect. Sounds rather like heaven, doesn’t it?

I don’t know anyone who practices this kind of love all the time. But as Christians, we certainly have the call to do just that. At a time of year where greeting card companies and florists tell us to “show our love” (by giving said greeting cards and flowers), let’s look beyond the self-serving “love” they promote and look at God’s blueprint for love. And, it’s not only His blueprint – it is also a perfect description of who He is. What a beautiful picture! Thank You, God!

A New Adventure

Well, last night, I did something that I have never done before. In an effort to save money, (anyway we can) I am now cutting Dave’s hair. He keeps it very short – and there are no layers, no tricky things – just buzz it off with clippers. STILL, I was NERVOUS! He is particular about his appearance – and wants perfection. Admittedly, there were a few tense moments during the cut. But he talked me through it – and I inspected it very closely several times before I let him check it out in the mirror. And the end result was a haircut that worked for him AND saved us money.

It’s difficult to step outside of my comfort zone. So many times in my life, I have chosen the familiar, even though it was painful and not in my best interest, rather than take a chance on something unfamiliar – simply because it was unknown. I did it in my first marriage – staying in an abusive relationship because it was familiar instead of leaving and entering an alien world. I did it with my weight – through the years, there were many things I COULD have done, but my weight was something to hide behind. What if I lost weight, and my life was the same, or worse?

The truth is – we never know until we try. And while it is true that there might be heartache in this unknown world – it is also true that there might be incredible joy. Is it worth the risk of missing the joy, just to avoid a heartache that may or may not happen? We will never know the joy of sharing God’s Word with someone else – if we cower behind our fear. We will never understand the depth of God’s love, if we stay in the shallow end of the pool.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7, NIV)