Say Good-bye – 2010 is just about over. What a year it has been. It’s a good time to look back – and pay attention to how far I’ve come – and to look ahead to what 2011 will bring.
This time last year, I weighed over 130 pounds more than I do right now. I weighed nearly 400 pounds. My BMI was at the Morbid Obesity level. I had to have a seatbelt extender in order to fly. I couldn’t wear jeans. I couldn’t stand for even one song in choir at church. I couldn’t sit comfortably in a booth at a restaurant – or any seating in a public venue. I weighed more than my husband – considerably more. I had to buy plus size clothes – usually in a specialty shop. I couldn’t see my collarbone, or cross my legs. I couldn’t even get on the regular scale at the doctor’s office.
This year, I’ve lost those 130+ pounds. I weigh 253.8 (as of this morning). My BMI has dropped to the obesity level – and I’m very close to dropping to the next level and just being overweight. I don’t need a seatbelt extender to fly. I wear jeans all the time. I stood for our entire Christmas musical – two performances and one dress rehearsal. I can sit comfortably anywhere – restaurant – movie theater – concert hall – ball game. I weigh less than my husband. I can go into any store and buy regular clothes. I have a collarbone – and ribs - and I can cross my legs. I get on the regular scale at the doctor’s office.
WOW – those are a lot of accomplishments in one year – and honestly – I would not have believed any of it was possible one year ago.
My work isn’t over though – I still have things I want to do:
- Lose 200 pounds – coming up in 18.4 pounds.
- Lose 150 pounds since surgery – coming up in 28.2 pounds
- Weigh less than 200 pounds – coming up in 54 pounds
- Reach goal weight at 180 pounds (at least for now) – coming up in 73.8 pounds
Today I figured that in the six weeks since we left for Canada (on November 15) I have lost 14 pounds. I was absolutely thrilled – because in that time, I have attended at least 10 family functions, parties, holiday dinners or get-togethers, all of which had massive amounts of food and sweets. I did all of my holiday baking – and had a ton of food from that right in my house. I would have been happy to maintain during this period – but to lose; I can’t tell you how happy that makes me! I am making good choices – I am living by my new philosophy: BLT (bite, lick, or taste) – I am sticking to my commitment. It has been a good year.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
44 Weeks
I have lost 121.0 pounds since surgery.
I have lost 129.8 pounds since two weeks’ pre-op.
I have lost 180.8 pounds total!
My BMI is down 20.3 points since surgery and 28.2 points from my biggest! And, I have dropped below a BMI of 40 for the first time in my recollection. (The last time I was below 40, nobody knew what a BMI was!)
A dear friend came to stay with us last night – someone who has followed my pictures closely, but who said the real thing is so much more impressive than the pictures. The pictures capture the physical dimensions but in no way can convey the energy and just how much better I feel.
I have lost 129.8 pounds since two weeks’ pre-op.
I have lost 180.8 pounds total!
My BMI is down 20.3 points since surgery and 28.2 points from my biggest! And, I have dropped below a BMI of 40 for the first time in my recollection. (The last time I was below 40, nobody knew what a BMI was!)
A dear friend came to stay with us last night – someone who has followed my pictures closely, but who said the real thing is so much more impressive than the pictures. The pictures capture the physical dimensions but in no way can convey the energy and just how much better I feel.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Dealing With Disappointment
I thought long and hard about writing this particular blog – but I decided that my goal has been to write about the things I’m feeling – good or bad – and sometimes it isn’t always good. Disappointment is something that everyone faces – and learning to deal with it is part of this journey for me.
When I was a teenager, I had a poster in my room that read, “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” I’m sure that the I didn’t have this poster for the wisdom it contained – I believe it had a cute little koala bear on it – and since I had an extensive collection of koala bears of all sorts at the time – the only reason I had this poster was as part of my collection. Still there is a universe of truth in that statement.
This year for Christmas, I didn’t get what I wanted. More specifically, I got something that I absolutely did NOT want, and something that I said I didn’t want – in both generic terms, which I said hundreds of times, and in very specific terms, mentioning the exact gift by name, on more than one occasion. In my past – I could not have admitted that I didn’t want something. And the feelings of not being heard and not being important festered, because I wouldn’t or couldn’t admit to them. And when those things festered – guess what I did – yep – I ate and ate to make myself feel better.
I know it sounds childish – I’m not a little kid who sits on Santa’s lap and whispers what to bring me for Christmas. And yet, when I opened this gift, I was so crushed and SO disappointed, that it took everything I had not to cry. To make matters worse, I had a strong suspicion that it was what I was getting – and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
I must confess that I pouted nearly all day on Christmas Day! I’m not proud of that. It just seems to me that when a person says over and over and over that she doesn’t want something, and then she gets it – that somebody isn’t paying attention. And more than anything – I want somebody to pay attention to me. But even though I did not handle my disappointment in a grown up way – I also did not handle it in the way I have always handled disappointment in the past. I didn’t eat it – and I didn’t keep it buried. I apologize to everyone I came in contact with on Christmas Day – for my childish behavior. And I apologize for making people around me uncomfortable. But I do not apologize for being disappointed.
When I was a teenager, I had a poster in my room that read, “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” I’m sure that the I didn’t have this poster for the wisdom it contained – I believe it had a cute little koala bear on it – and since I had an extensive collection of koala bears of all sorts at the time – the only reason I had this poster was as part of my collection. Still there is a universe of truth in that statement.
This year for Christmas, I didn’t get what I wanted. More specifically, I got something that I absolutely did NOT want, and something that I said I didn’t want – in both generic terms, which I said hundreds of times, and in very specific terms, mentioning the exact gift by name, on more than one occasion. In my past – I could not have admitted that I didn’t want something. And the feelings of not being heard and not being important festered, because I wouldn’t or couldn’t admit to them. And when those things festered – guess what I did – yep – I ate and ate to make myself feel better.
I know it sounds childish – I’m not a little kid who sits on Santa’s lap and whispers what to bring me for Christmas. And yet, when I opened this gift, I was so crushed and SO disappointed, that it took everything I had not to cry. To make matters worse, I had a strong suspicion that it was what I was getting – and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
I must confess that I pouted nearly all day on Christmas Day! I’m not proud of that. It just seems to me that when a person says over and over and over that she doesn’t want something, and then she gets it – that somebody isn’t paying attention. And more than anything – I want somebody to pay attention to me. But even though I did not handle my disappointment in a grown up way – I also did not handle it in the way I have always handled disappointment in the past. I didn’t eat it – and I didn’t keep it buried. I apologize to everyone I came in contact with on Christmas Day – for my childish behavior. And I apologize for making people around me uncomfortable. But I do not apologize for being disappointed.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Mom's Surgery
Mom did GREAT with her surgery – praise God! The doctor completely replaced both the socket – and the ball that fits into the socket. When he was finished with that, he said that something still didn’t seem right – and upon further investigation, he found that the deltoid muscle had gotten pinched in the fracture – he had to pry open the fracture to pull the muscle out. OUCH! No WONDER she was in pain! She did not have a great night – she is absolutely petrified of being hooked on painkillers – and so refuses to take them much of the time. Last night she said that she waited too long to ask for something – and then it took a long for the painkiller to kick in. She promised she wouldn’t do that again – but we will see. And the pain she is feeling is not in her shoulder – she has a nerve block for that – the pain is in her lower arm (below the surgery) and other places. She seems to have been dehydrated as well – probably from not eating or drinking anything before surgery. It took them six pokes to get the IV started – and last night – they had to work to find another site after the original one blew. Keep her in your prayers.
I did fine with the stress of Mom’s surgery – the waiting – the praying – the WAITING. The only place I could have done better was drinking enough water. It’s easy to forget to drink when you are sitting in a waiting room.
I did fine with the stress of Mom’s surgery – the waiting – the praying – the WAITING. The only place I could have done better was drinking enough water. It’s easy to forget to drink when you are sitting in a waiting room.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Prayers for Mom
Today is Mom’s surgery to replace the shoulder socket. Please pray for her as she goes through the surgery. Pray for the doctors and nurses as they do their jobs. Pray for the rest of the family as we anxiously await news of how her surgery went – and that everything is going to be fine. And say an extra prayer for Mom as we come up on Christmas. Understandably, she wants to be home for Christmas, and she wants Christmas to happen just like normal. But if she needs to stay in the hospital, or if she does come home, and doesn’t feel like celebrating – which I know is a distinct possibility, having had my share of surgeries – please let her graciously accept postponing Christmas until she is ready. That is the most important thing for all of us this Christmas – that she has the surgery, and comes through it fine, and recuperates well. If those things happen, then our Christmas wishes will have come true!
I finished wrapping everything last night. That is a good feeling! Dave’s quartet had a gig – in Athens, two hours away. So, I came home, did a little shopping, stopped by a friend’s house – then came home, wrapped presents while watching a Lifetime Christmas movie – and was in bed by 10:00 – just so that I could get up early and get to work early. It’s amazing how much you can get done when it’s quiet – either at home or at work.
A friend of mine told me that she is giving herself a present for Christmas this year – Jammie days for December 25 and 26. She said that she was going to stay in her jammies – even through dinner with friends who are coming over. I have to say, I LOVE THIS IDEA! A day where we are not pretending to be anything but ourselves – comfortable all the way to the core! A day where we aren’t worried at all, about what other people think about us! A day where give ourselves permission to relax. We don’t do this very often in our society – and I am giving it some serious thought. And even if I do not stay in my jammies all day – I think I could stay in that attitude all day – what a GREAT IDEA!
I finished wrapping everything last night. That is a good feeling! Dave’s quartet had a gig – in Athens, two hours away. So, I came home, did a little shopping, stopped by a friend’s house – then came home, wrapped presents while watching a Lifetime Christmas movie – and was in bed by 10:00 – just so that I could get up early and get to work early. It’s amazing how much you can get done when it’s quiet – either at home or at work.
A friend of mine told me that she is giving herself a present for Christmas this year – Jammie days for December 25 and 26. She said that she was going to stay in her jammies – even through dinner with friends who are coming over. I have to say, I LOVE THIS IDEA! A day where we are not pretending to be anything but ourselves – comfortable all the way to the core! A day where we aren’t worried at all, about what other people think about us! A day where give ourselves permission to relax. We don’t do this very often in our society – and I am giving it some serious thought. And even if I do not stay in my jammies all day – I think I could stay in that attitude all day – what a GREAT IDEA!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Doing Nothing
We live in a society that is rapidly losing the art of doing nothing. We go, go, go all the time – if we aren’t going, we feel guilty. At least I feel guilty. As a society, we don’t know how to be quiet anymore. (If you don’t believe me, next time someone mentions “a moment of silent prayer” in church, time it. I guarantee that in 12 seconds – 15 seconds tops – people will be uncomfortable – and get restless, and somehow start making noise – a cough, rustling paper, clearing the throat.)
Christmastime seems to be especially busy. Programs at church, rehearsals of all sorts for those programs, buying and wrapping presents, Christmas baking, parties every time you turn around, driving to visit family and friends – and the list just keeps growing. It seems that “yes” is the only word on everyone’s lips: “Yes, I will attend _________________.” “Yes, I will buy ____________________.” “YES, I will _______________.” “Yes, Yes, YES!” And one other place where people say “yes” during the holidays is at the food table. I cannot tell you how many people have said to me that they are going to get serious about losing weight after the holidays. That is a worthy goal! And I have said it myself so many times that I can’t even begin to count them. And yet – the more I don’t exercise self-control now, the more I will ultimately have to reverse “after the holidays.”
I think we should learn a new word for this Christmas: “NO.” As in, “No, we aren’t going to add any more activities – we are going to spend some family time together.” “No, we are not buying everything on everyone’s Christmas list.” “NO, we are not ________________________.” And how about, “No, I am not going to pig out at this buffet/party/cookie exchange. I will taste things, but I will make smart choices about the food I eat.” This is my 49th Christmas, and I can honestly say that it is the FIRST time I am even attempting to make smart choices. That is really sad to me.
So, this year (and all the years to come) I wish you PEACE – the kind of peace that comes from slowing down; the kind of peace that comes from saying to “no” to all of the extras, and saying “yes” to the things that matter – like time with family; and the kind of peace that comes from taking control of your choices – that enjoys but doesn’t overindulge: The PEACE of the Baby in the manger.
Christmastime seems to be especially busy. Programs at church, rehearsals of all sorts for those programs, buying and wrapping presents, Christmas baking, parties every time you turn around, driving to visit family and friends – and the list just keeps growing. It seems that “yes” is the only word on everyone’s lips: “Yes, I will attend _________________.” “Yes, I will buy ____________________.” “YES, I will _______________.” “Yes, Yes, YES!” And one other place where people say “yes” during the holidays is at the food table. I cannot tell you how many people have said to me that they are going to get serious about losing weight after the holidays. That is a worthy goal! And I have said it myself so many times that I can’t even begin to count them. And yet – the more I don’t exercise self-control now, the more I will ultimately have to reverse “after the holidays.”
I think we should learn a new word for this Christmas: “NO.” As in, “No, we aren’t going to add any more activities – we are going to spend some family time together.” “No, we are not buying everything on everyone’s Christmas list.” “NO, we are not ________________________.” And how about, “No, I am not going to pig out at this buffet/party/cookie exchange. I will taste things, but I will make smart choices about the food I eat.” This is my 49th Christmas, and I can honestly say that it is the FIRST time I am even attempting to make smart choices. That is really sad to me.
So, this year (and all the years to come) I wish you PEACE – the kind of peace that comes from slowing down; the kind of peace that comes from saying to “no” to all of the extras, and saying “yes” to the things that matter – like time with family; and the kind of peace that comes from taking control of your choices – that enjoys but doesn’t overindulge: The PEACE of the Baby in the manger.
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