Happy (or Should I Say "Jolly") Wednesday!

It’s Wednesday already! I can hardly believe how quickly this week is going. I got my hair cut last night, in preparation for my trip – short and sassy, and I LOVE it! My hair grows so fast that it really wasn’t doing what it should be doing – and now it’s back to the look I fell in love with a few weeks ago – just in time for my trip! I’m crossing things off my lists – both at work and at home. Slowly, but surely, we are making progress.

I was talking with my Mom this morning, like I do nearly every morning, and I confessed something to her. I’m still surprised that this is actually working. In my heart of hearts, I had very low expectations. I WANTED it to work, but I was petrified that it wasn’t going to. And some days, I still wonder if this is a dream, a wonderful dream, but a dream nonetheless, and I’m going to wake up and find myself exactly where I was a year ago. I have to say – if this IS a dream, and I ever DO wake up, somebody please shoot me! I don’t want to ever go back there – to the frustration and the depression and the pain of being so grotesquely overweight.

When I was a little girl, I described one of my parents’ friends as “jolly.” They both looked at me kind of funny, and asked me what I thought “jolly” meant. Of course, at that time, the only times I had ever heard the word was around Christmas, and “jolly ol’ Saint Nick.” So, not having any other context, I thought it was a nicer way of saying “fat.” (I mean, no one really wants to call Santa Clause “fat”, right?!) I know in my life, there were plenty of times that someone might have called me “jolly” – or at least something close, like “cheerful” or “happy” or “fun” or “jovial.” But what they saw was really and truly just an act. I tried not to let anyone see the pain – or the heartache – or the self-loathing. This journey has brought about the most amazing change, though. It isn’t an act anymore. I am happier – with myself – and that makes me happier all the way around. So, if I am laughing now – it’s from joy – not because I’m covering up some pain that is so deep I can’t even cry about it. I laugh a lot these days. Maybe I have graduated to “JOLLY!”