Be Afraid...

I called my doctor yesterday. I have been having episodes of low pressure – sometimes as low as 70/49, but usually averaging around 95/60. Last June, when the doctor increased one of my heart medications, he indicated that as I continue to lose weight, I might have problems with my blood pressure, given my history. When or if that happened, he would decrease that heart medication. If the drop in blood pressure happens only occasionally, there is no problem, but when it happens nearly every time I stand up, that becomes a big problem.

When I called his office, I fully expected him to tell me to decrease that medication. Instead, he said he wanted me to continue with the medication as is, and to decrease my lasix to every other day. He has tried this many times in the past, and unfortunately, every single time I try to decrease the frequency or the dosage of that particular drug, my weight goes up. I’m not talking about the few ounces here and there that I gain while on a plateau. When I change this medication, I can easily gain 5 or 6 pounds in a couple of days.

Here’s where the fear comes in – I am SO AFRAID of gaining my weight back. Despite my success so far, that fear is always just below the surface, and when I’m faced with something that I know will make me gain weight, the fear is right out there for everyone to see. Interesting that I still think of it as “MY” weight, like perhaps it is just hiding out somewhere for the time being. I don’t want it back – I am doing everything I can to keep it from coming back – but I am still afraid.

So, my dilemma is this: do I do what the doctor wants me to do now - or do what he told me he was going to do back in June? I had already cut the heart medication in half for this week, and today, although my blood pressure is staying in the 95/60 range, I have not at all felt dizzy when I stand up. It would seem that is a pretty significant improvement already. Still, I preach to everyone who needs to hear it that they should do what the doctor tells them to do. Perhaps I will try it his way, at least for a few days. If the weight goes up, or the dizziness returns, I’m going to do it my way.

My husband sings a beautiful song, “Sometimes He Calms the Storm.” Of particular meaning to me is the chorus:

“Sometimes He calms the storm with a whispered, ‘Peace be still’
He can settle any sea, but it doesn’t mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.”
(Performed by Scott Krippayne, written by Kevin Stokes; Tony Wood)

I need to let God calm my fears about this – and trust that He has given me resources to make the correct choice – both about the medication and about gaining the weight back.