It's Really NOT All About Me...

This hasn’t really been a good week for me.  I have spent most of the week worrying about some health issues (specifically when the doctor said, “Your kidneys are failing.”) – and worrying about what that is going to mean for this journey.  Actually, “worry” isn’t the right work – how about “FREAKING OUT?!?!?!”  The last time I heard those words, they took me off all of my medications, and I gained 25 pounds in three days – which took me to my highest weight of 435 pounds.  And I just don’t think I can do that again.  Sunday, I did a 24 hours urine test – and took it to the doctor yesterday – and they took blood to go with it.  Now is the hard part – waiting the 7 – 10 days for the results, while trying to stay calm, cool and collected.

But something happened last night that put a lot of things in perspective.  I was talking to friend and learned that she is trying desperately to get out of an abusive relationship.  I felt her pain as she relived a particularly ugly situation this past week, and the on-going pain of trying to get away from her estranged husband.  And then I kicked myself for making myself sick over something that may or may not happen, and even if it does – it really isn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things. 

So today, I’m a lot calmer.  I’m resigned to do whatever the doctors feel needs to be done.  If it means that I gain back some of the weight I’ve worked so hard to get rid of, then so be it.  I don’t have to like it, but it really isn’t the end of the world – especially when I know that it really and truly is just water weight.  (I’m probably going to have to tell myself that over and over again, but it is true.) 

And I have promised my friend that I will be there for her – whatever she needs.  That I won’t judge or criticize – and that I understand much of what she is going through.  And shifting the focus to someone else allows me the chance to gain some of that perspective I need. 

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”  (2 Corinthians 1:3-5, NIV)