I've made an appointment with the cardiologist - I have temporarily stopped most meds until I see him. And I'm back down two pounds this morning...it's better.
A friend sent me an old picture yesterday. (See right.) It took me off guard...I recoiled - I didn't like it at all. In fact, I used the word, "hideous." She told me she didn't see that at all - in fact, the people who know and love me would never see that. And that she saw someone trapped inside trying to get out.
It's amazing that the only person I am shallow enough to react to how they look is me - I would NEVER dream of doing that with someone else. I have always responded more with my heart than the mirror - unless I'm talking about myself. I think it's time to change that. So, no more shying away from cameras - I am who I am, and I'm heading in the direction I want to go.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
It's Just Fluid....It's Just Fluid...
That is the thing going through my head today - I hope that I will eventually listen...
I went home from work yesterday - with a very low blood pressure. I had stopped one of my meds the day before, but it didn't help. At one point, I measured a 93/47 bp - way too low. I was dizzy and disoriented. In the past, all I had to do was sit with my feet elevated, and after a few hours, it would stabilize. That didn't happen yesterday, so late afternoon, I called the nurse hotline. She wanted me to go immediately to the hospital, fearing that I was dehydrated. She couldn't tell me to stop taking all of my meds, but I could tell she was worried.
A good friend who is an ER nurse, came over last night to check on me - and track my bp. He said that if I were in the hospital - they would take me off all the meds, and push IV fluids. So, I didn't take any meds last night. This morning I am up 2.6 pounds.
That's why I keep chanting to myself...it's only fluid...it's only fluid...it HAS to be fluid. I didn't eat any more yesterday than I have been eating. I did do a little less walking, mainly because I was so dizzy, but still - that much gain overnight is fluid.
This morning I feel pretty much like a washcloth, wet and cold, and wrung out and tossed by the sink. And I'm eager to get back on track.
I went home from work yesterday - with a very low blood pressure. I had stopped one of my meds the day before, but it didn't help. At one point, I measured a 93/47 bp - way too low. I was dizzy and disoriented. In the past, all I had to do was sit with my feet elevated, and after a few hours, it would stabilize. That didn't happen yesterday, so late afternoon, I called the nurse hotline. She wanted me to go immediately to the hospital, fearing that I was dehydrated. She couldn't tell me to stop taking all of my meds, but I could tell she was worried.
A good friend who is an ER nurse, came over last night to check on me - and track my bp. He said that if I were in the hospital - they would take me off all the meds, and push IV fluids. So, I didn't take any meds last night. This morning I am up 2.6 pounds.
That's why I keep chanting to myself...it's only fluid...it's only fluid...it HAS to be fluid. I didn't eat any more yesterday than I have been eating. I did do a little less walking, mainly because I was so dizzy, but still - that much gain overnight is fluid.
This morning I feel pretty much like a washcloth, wet and cold, and wrung out and tossed by the sink. And I'm eager to get back on track.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Six Weeks...And Counting.
I have lost 47.0 pounds since surgery; 55.8 pounds since February 10, 2 weeks pre-op; and 106.5 pounds since my biggest! And my BMI has dropped 8.7 points since surgery and 16.6 points since my biggest. Plus, I've lost 36.75 inches since February 10! Pretty excited here.
There is, however, a proverbial "fly" in the ointment. The last couple of days I have not been feeling great. Last night, I took my blood pressure, and it was 90/51. I was anticipating that my blood pressure would drop - but I thought it might be a little further out timewise. I have cut back on some of my blood pressure medication to help it balance out, but until it does - it will be a couple of days of not feeling so great. I'm not complaining - getting off ALL my meds is truly a goal, so this is just part of the process.
There is, however, a proverbial "fly" in the ointment. The last couple of days I have not been feeling great. Last night, I took my blood pressure, and it was 90/51. I was anticipating that my blood pressure would drop - but I thought it might be a little further out timewise. I have cut back on some of my blood pressure medication to help it balance out, but until it does - it will be a couple of days of not feeling so great. I'm not complaining - getting off ALL my meds is truly a goal, so this is just part of the process.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Wrecks and Accidents
We had to deal with three accidents on the way to work this morning - two of them were pretty bad. On any Atlanta road, an accident can slow things down, and many times brings traffic to a complete stop - with nowhere to go. We were fortunate today in that we slowed some, but did not end up sitting in traffic, waiting for the accident to clear.
There are all kinds of accident - major ones, requiring ambulances or even life flight. Medium ones - that cause delay as we wait for a tow truck or policeman to arrive. And minor ones - where two people look at their cars - and decide not to worry about it.
I think there are probably different kinds of diet accidents, too, especially after weight loss surgery. There's the minor one - where you take a bite of something that maybe you shouldn't have, but no harm done. There's the more serious one - where you are uncomfortable because you've eaten too much or too fast - but you haven't done any permanent damage. And there is the binge eating where you are completely out of control - eating everything in sight.
Yesterday, I don't know exactly what was going on - but I wanted to eat all day long. That is the first day that has happened for me. I'm very thankful that this surgery prevents me from eating large portions, but I must admit, there were a few times yesterday I was uncomfortable. Eating too fast? Eating too much? I don't know, but today, it doesn't seem to be a problem. I plan to be much more aware of it, though. And I still lost 0.2 pounds - so I don't think I did any permanent damage.
Next week, my husband will be out of town. I may need extra encouragement. He has been my rock - and when he's not here - I miss him. Not only that, I have to make all the decisions about what I will eat and how I will fix it by myself. That could be difficult.
There are all kinds of accident - major ones, requiring ambulances or even life flight. Medium ones - that cause delay as we wait for a tow truck or policeman to arrive. And minor ones - where two people look at their cars - and decide not to worry about it.
I think there are probably different kinds of diet accidents, too, especially after weight loss surgery. There's the minor one - where you take a bite of something that maybe you shouldn't have, but no harm done. There's the more serious one - where you are uncomfortable because you've eaten too much or too fast - but you haven't done any permanent damage. And there is the binge eating where you are completely out of control - eating everything in sight.
Yesterday, I don't know exactly what was going on - but I wanted to eat all day long. That is the first day that has happened for me. I'm very thankful that this surgery prevents me from eating large portions, but I must admit, there were a few times yesterday I was uncomfortable. Eating too fast? Eating too much? I don't know, but today, it doesn't seem to be a problem. I plan to be much more aware of it, though. And I still lost 0.2 pounds - so I don't think I did any permanent damage.
Next week, my husband will be out of town. I may need extra encouragement. He has been my rock - and when he's not here - I miss him. Not only that, I have to make all the decisions about what I will eat and how I will fix it by myself. That could be difficult.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Cleaning Out
I cleaned out my closet this weekend. Amazing what you find in there - clothes that I don't even remember buying - some with tags still on them. Even cooler - I found several pairs of shoes that have not even been worn. For years, I have had to wear men's shoes - because my feet had been swelling so badly, I couldn't fit into women's shoes - even extra wide widths. Friday night, I went out and bought sandals and sneakers. But Saturday, when I cleaned out my closet, I found so many "new" shoes that I decided to take the purchased ones back. I'd rather save that money for something else.
I threw away one leaf bag of garbage. I have two leaf bags of clothes, and a bag of purses that I am going to give away. I still have to go through my dresser, and anticipate another bag of clothes from that.
It feels good to get this done. It feels great to find clothes I can wear, and really cool to get into clothes I couldn't wear before. And taking away reminders of where I was before is the best of all.
I threw away one leaf bag of garbage. I have two leaf bags of clothes, and a bag of purses that I am going to give away. I still have to go through my dresser, and anticipate another bag of clothes from that.
It feels good to get this done. It feels great to find clothes I can wear, and really cool to get into clothes I couldn't wear before. And taking away reminders of where I was before is the best of all.
Friday, April 2, 2010
New Surprises
It is SO NICE to be able to cross off goals...one at a time. But even nicer is when something happens that you aren't expecting.
This morning, I was rushing around trying to get out the door for work. We have a bookshelf in our bedroom that is fairly close to the end of the bed, and ever since we put it there, I have had to side step between them to keep from hitting either the bookshelf or the footboard on the bed. I bruise very easily - and the sharp corners, especially on the bed, have left their mark more than once. This morning, without thinking, I just walked past. Then it hit me - I didn't have to sidestep, and I DIDN'T touch either the bookshelf OR the bed! I went back to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Then, just for fun, I did it several more times. WHOOHOO! That made my day.
Blessings on this Good Friday! And Happy Ressurection Sunday!
This morning, I was rushing around trying to get out the door for work. We have a bookshelf in our bedroom that is fairly close to the end of the bed, and ever since we put it there, I have had to side step between them to keep from hitting either the bookshelf or the footboard on the bed. I bruise very easily - and the sharp corners, especially on the bed, have left their mark more than once. This morning, without thinking, I just walked past. Then it hit me - I didn't have to sidestep, and I DIDN'T touch either the bookshelf OR the bed! I went back to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Then, just for fun, I did it several more times. WHOOHOO! That made my day.
Blessings on this Good Friday! And Happy Ressurection Sunday!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
BIG TIME CELEBRATION!!!
I hit milestones today - and I'm doing the happy dance....WHOOHOO!
Since surgery - 40 pounds - yesterday was five weeks.
Since my two week pre-op - 49 pounds - in seven weeks.
Since my biggest...100 POUNDS! 100 POUNDS!!!
I think I might be obnoxious about it today, but you know what - this is really worth celebrating. It's a big deal. My heart is 100 pounds stronger. My burden is 100 pounds lighter. Imagine carrying around 8 bowling balls - or 20 bags of sugar - or 100 pounds of butter. I carried that around - and now I'm not.
Love ya'll - and thanks for the cheering...
Since surgery - 40 pounds - yesterday was five weeks.
Since my two week pre-op - 49 pounds - in seven weeks.
Since my biggest...100 POUNDS! 100 POUNDS!!!
I think I might be obnoxious about it today, but you know what - this is really worth celebrating. It's a big deal. My heart is 100 pounds stronger. My burden is 100 pounds lighter. Imagine carrying around 8 bowling balls - or 20 bags of sugar - or 100 pounds of butter. I carried that around - and now I'm not.
Love ya'll - and thanks for the cheering...
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