Things to Celebrate

OK - the weight is up a little more - but I decided NOT to focus on that. What CAN I celebrate today - besides the fact that it's Tuesday?

Not taking the lasix means that I am not up several times a night - which ultimately means I sleep better - especially now that Dave is home. It is nice to sleep through the night. I feel better when I wake up. That's worth celebrating.

Plans are underway to spoil and pamper my Mom on the day before Mother's Day. I love her so much, and am looking forward to honoring her in a special way. Mom and her special day are very much worth celebrating. I won't say anymore - except - Mom, you are going to LOVE it!

Even without the lasix, my feet have not been swelling. That is a relief and a blessing! I must admit, I did worry about that some. Silly me - I wonder how many hours, days, or even years I have spent worrying about something that didn't happen. Another thing to celebrate!

And always, I have my friends - perhaps the best reason to celebrate! Life is good!

New Clothes

My husband came home from his trip last night (FINALLY!) - and he brought me a present - a new top! It is the first new piece of clothing since the surgery. And it's a 1X!!! Granted, that is not small. But it is CONSIDERABLY smaller than what I have been wearing. I have worn up to a 5X - maybe not strictly because I needed that size, but I hid behind or in my clothes for many years. The bigger clothes were comfortable and not constricting in any way - even if they were NOT stylish. Thanks, Honey!

As expected, going off the lasix, I have gained about 4 pounds. This isn't what I want - but it is part of my reality right now. The doctor feels that I will level off now, and start losing again very shortly. I'm going to continue to make the choices I need to make, and pray that he is right. But I'm not freaking out about it - so, I'm still making progress, right?

It's Friday - UPDATED!

Whew - we made it, nearly. Dave comes home in two days. It's going to be a busy two days.

I go to the cardiologist this morning. I'm hoping he will have some answers for me - about the low blood pressure - my meds. I will blog more when I get back from the doctor.

OK - went to the doctor - he was thrilled! Since I last saw him in October, I have lost 75 pounds! Unlike when you take your car to the shop, my blood pressure actually dropped when I was in the office. They took it lying down, then sitting up, then standing up. It was 110/70 when I was lying down, which is perfectly fine. It was 106/66 when I sat up. Still acceptable. It dropped down to 80/60 when I stood up. RELIEF - it is not in my head!

So, he completely stopped all of my meds, with the exception of coreg - which I take for my heart. He's cutting me back to 1/2 pill twice a day. I expressed concern about not taking the lasix, seeing as I gained 2 1/2 pounds when I tried to stop last week. He said that I should only take it "as needed" and no more then once a week - unless I have problems with shortness of breath or swelling. And that I may gain 3 or 4 pounds, but ultimately, in the long run, this would be the best for me. So, I'm going to trust him.

He wants to check on me in three months, do another echocardiogram, make sure that I am still doing well. It was a great visit, and I feel great!

Home Alone

I don't mind being home alone - generally - but when I don't feel well, I really want someone else to be there. This blood pressure thing really has me a little concerned - and it's hard because Dave is still out of town. My blood pressure keeps dropping to very low levels - and it makes me feel dizzy and disoriented. But the good news is that even with the stress - I'm not resorting to my old behavior. I'm NOT eating it away. In the past, when Dave was out of town, I would buy a large pizza at the beginning of the week - and snack on it the whole time he was gone. And then there all the "snack" foods that I never would buy - except when he was gone.

Much healthier choices this year, and staying right on track. I feel pretty good about that, even if I don't feel so good physically.

Reflections...

I have had several people say that my blog has resonated with them - which is pretty funny to me, because it is simply the ramblings from the (sometimes) scary place that is my brain. But maybe, just maybe, this is something I should be paying attention to...

All of my life - I thought that I was the only one who struggled with food. The only one who packed it away in secret. The only one who was so ashamed of what I was doing - and how I couldn't seem to stop. The only one who would open a box of brownie mix and eat it dry from the box. I thought I was the only one who loathed what I saw in the mirror, which made me depressed, which made me eat more, which made me loathe even more. So I never talked about it - never saw that pain in someone else's life.

But MAYBE - if I had talked more about what I was feeling and going through - just MAYBE - someone else would have said, "That's what I feel!" And maybe knowing that I wasn't alone would have made the journey easier somehow. And we could have helped each other...

I'm truly glad that I decided to be open and honest about my surgery, and everything that has happened afterward. And if anything I say in these ramblings helps anyone who is reading it - then that is even better.

For the record, I no longer loathe what I see in the mirror. I am not at all where I want to be - but I am definitely on the road to get there. I enjoy looking for new signs of the weight loss. (I'm really excited - I saw just the faintest signs of collar bones this morning - just a shadow, really - but it's the first time in a long, long time there has been anything!) I enjoy the skin that looks clearer. I'm even enjoying the little bit of makeup that I've been wearing virtually everyday since surgery! (And for those that know me, that is saying something!)

So, I will keep blogging. And you keep telling me what you think.

A Lesson from My Cats

My husband is out of town. Normally, he feeds our cats around 1:00 or 1:30 in the morning, right before he comes to bed. (Yes, he IS a night owl...lol!) Mind you, they have dry food round the clock, but this is when they get their canned food.

Dave called last night about 9:30 to say good night. I was putting some stuff away in the kitchen, and decided to go ahead and feed the cats - then it would be done, and I could go to bed without worrying about it. The cats are ecstatic - getting fed early.

I watched some TV - and actually dozed a little in my chair. I roused myself to go to bed somewhere around midnight. (True confessions, I don't sleep well when he's not here.) Those three little beggars ran to the kitchen, expecting me to feed them AGAIN, like maybe I forgot or something. Uh, HELLO!!! I just fed you. You are NOT going to get more tonight.

But as I think about it - aren't we like that a LOT when it comes to food?? We eat because it is the thing to do, even though many times we aren't hungry. We stuff ourselves until we are in pain. Eating becomes a habit - or an addiction - or worse.

Dr's Visit Today

My doctor was impressed (and maybe a little surprised) when I showed up at his office today, having lost 50 pounds since surgery. Everything is looking good, and best of all I still feel great.

When I go to the cardiologist later this week, I'm planning on lobbying for NOT going back on the meds - since going off the meds after the b/p crashed last week, I feel GREAT!

I have to brag - just a little. This weekend, my husband and I did spring cleaning. The significant part about that is that I did spring cleaning. Any spring cleaning. I know that cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry, and sorting through clothes doesn't sound like much fun, but I haven't been able to do that all for years. Gradually, Dave has taken over more and more around the house, because I just didn't have the energy or stamina to do anything. Granted, I did have to rest along the way, but I DID IT! That's a great, big WOW in my book!