Well, it's not actually a NEW goal. It has long been the desire of my heart - but I have not put it into words before now. I want to be able to fly WITHOUT a seatbelt extender.
I can and have joked about my weight for years - buying clothes from Omar the tentmaker - acknowledging that I am a BIG woman without blinking an eye. But this one thing - the simple act of having to ask for a seatbelt extender when I fly on an airplane - represents for me the humiliation and degradation and prejudice that I have felt as an obese person.
Some flight attendants have been very discreet - casually handing it to me as they walked past, never drawing any kind of attention to the fact that I was simply too big to fit into their seatbelt. To these wonderful people, I can only say, "God bless you." But others have waved the extender around - asking who needed it - then making a big show out of handing it to me. Those times, it always seemed that EVERYONE on the plane was looking at me - and I could almost hear their thoughts: "How could she let herself get that big?" or "She could be pretty if she weren't so fat..." or even, "I'm so glad I do not have to sit next to her - she takes up so much room."
Just asking for the extender takes all my courage - knowing that I might be subjecting myself to ridicule and/or pity. So, being able to fly - and to buckle up like a "normal" person - would mean that I have really and truly come to a good place.
With the weight and inches I have already lost - there is a good possibility that I am already there. But the "proof is in the pudding" so to speak (and just as a side note, ever notice how many of every day cliches and phrases revolve around food?) - so I won't know for absolute sure until I fly again. That will be happening around Thanksgiving - so I still have 15 weeks to keep working hard to make this goal a reality. Thanks for your encouragement!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Before and After...
Every morning, I log into the website www.obesityhelp.com. I must admit, at first I bristled at the name. I hate the word "obese" or "obesity." My experience has been that a lot of doctors use that word to avoid taking care of a problem, no matter what the problem is. High blood pressure? You're obese - lose weight. High cholesterol? You're obese - lose weight. Pain anywhere? You're obese - lose weight. I fully understand how excess weight can aggravate a lot of medical conditions. But I have always adamantly felt that there is MORE to me than just my weight - and been so frustrated when I felt like that was all a doctor could see. I get absolutely crazy when a doctor looks at me and ASSUMES high blood pressure and high cholesterol. (My normal blood pressure is 95/70 - there is nothing high about that - and my total cholesterol hasn't been over 150 in years.)
Nevertheless, I DO log into this website every day. If someone is considering weight loss surgery (WLS), it is an excellent resource. If someone had just had WLS, it is a wonderful support group - comprised of a caring group of people who have "been there." There are answers for just about any question. There are helpful suggestions for recipes and ways to exercise. And if you decide to open an account - look for me - my user name is sonatasmom1.
But my very FAVORITE part of the website is the before and after pictures. I especially like looking at the people who were my size or bigger, and then seeing where they are now. The weight loss is always dramatic, but it helps to see that sometimes it has taken quite a while for them to get where they want to be. And I think to myself, "I cannot wait until I post my before and after pictures..." I could post now - and truthfully, the change has been dramatic already. But I'm so not where I am GOING to be, and I think it will be worth the wait...
Nevertheless, I DO log into this website every day. If someone is considering weight loss surgery (WLS), it is an excellent resource. If someone had just had WLS, it is a wonderful support group - comprised of a caring group of people who have "been there." There are answers for just about any question. There are helpful suggestions for recipes and ways to exercise. And if you decide to open an account - look for me - my user name is sonatasmom1.
But my very FAVORITE part of the website is the before and after pictures. I especially like looking at the people who were my size or bigger, and then seeing where they are now. The weight loss is always dramatic, but it helps to see that sometimes it has taken quite a while for them to get where they want to be. And I think to myself, "I cannot wait until I post my before and after pictures..." I could post now - and truthfully, the change has been dramatic already. But I'm so not where I am GOING to be, and I think it will be worth the wait...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
An Eye for Color and a Flair for the Dramatic
One of the reasons I went back to school seven years ago was to study interior design - because I have always been told that I have an eye for color and a flair for the dramatic. My professors seemed to agree, and several of them wanted me to go beyond the Associate's Degree that I got. Lack of money, and health issues prevented that, but I have always loved anything to do with art and design.
However, I have a confession to make - I did not carry that love of color and design over to dressing myself. For years, I wore black - at least until something darker came along - thinking that it would somehow hide my size. Then I decided that I liked color - and I was big whether I was in colored clothes or in black - so I started wearing color. But I still didn't care what it looked like - AT ALL. I just threw clothes on - and if people didn't like it, oh well.
Shopping these last few weeks has been quite a different experience for me. (I went last night and spent my birthday money.) I looked hard at color and at style. I've matched jewelry. I have thought about outfits instead of individual pieces. (Can I wear this with other things that I have?) This part of shopping I really like. And I think I'm a little more put together than I have been in the past. And all of that works together to make me a little more self-confident - and a little happier. Who knew that something I have resisted for so very long could actually have this effect??
However, I have a confession to make - I did not carry that love of color and design over to dressing myself. For years, I wore black - at least until something darker came along - thinking that it would somehow hide my size. Then I decided that I liked color - and I was big whether I was in colored clothes or in black - so I started wearing color. But I still didn't care what it looked like - AT ALL. I just threw clothes on - and if people didn't like it, oh well.
Shopping these last few weeks has been quite a different experience for me. (I went last night and spent my birthday money.) I looked hard at color and at style. I've matched jewelry. I have thought about outfits instead of individual pieces. (Can I wear this with other things that I have?) This part of shopping I really like. And I think I'm a little more put together than I have been in the past. And all of that works together to make me a little more self-confident - and a little happier. Who knew that something I have resisted for so very long could actually have this effect??
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sometimes I'm Just Tired...
Sometimes, I just get plain ol' tired. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to think about eating healthy. I don't want to make any choices. I don't want to do anything but curl up in bed and SLEEP!
It's for days like this that I have been working hard these past few months to create HABITS so that I can pack a lunch without thinking too much about it. Some no-sugar added applesauce, a couple of cheesesticks, some nuts. I keep these things on hand - and it really makes my life a lot easier. A tiny bit of leftover lasagna from Olive Garden, and some cheese crackers - and lunch (plus snacks for the day) is done.
In the past, I would have just not bothered. And by lunchtime, I would be starving - so then I would grab something from the sandwich shop downstairs - and most likely it would not have been something good for me. Or worse - I would have just skipped eating all together all day long - then gone way overboard at suppertime and into the evening.
When I decided to have this surgery, I decided to make a lifestyle change. Not just for when I felt like it - but for every day - every choice. Do I always follow through? Not at all, but as time goes by, I find that the times I choose correctly far outweigh the times I make bad choices, just like my former self far outweighs the person I am now.
It's for days like this that I have been working hard these past few months to create HABITS so that I can pack a lunch without thinking too much about it. Some no-sugar added applesauce, a couple of cheesesticks, some nuts. I keep these things on hand - and it really makes my life a lot easier. A tiny bit of leftover lasagna from Olive Garden, and some cheese crackers - and lunch (plus snacks for the day) is done.
In the past, I would have just not bothered. And by lunchtime, I would be starving - so then I would grab something from the sandwich shop downstairs - and most likely it would not have been something good for me. Or worse - I would have just skipped eating all together all day long - then gone way overboard at suppertime and into the evening.
When I decided to have this surgery, I decided to make a lifestyle change. Not just for when I felt like it - but for every day - every choice. Do I always follow through? Not at all, but as time goes by, I find that the times I choose correctly far outweigh the times I make bad choices, just like my former self far outweighs the person I am now.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Vacations and Birthdays!
It is a good day when I step on the scales this morning, and weigh 0.2 pounds LESS than I weighed on Thursday morning - the day I left for Nashville. This, after a weekend of eating out every meal.
It wasn't all roses - one night - I didn't pay very close attention, and I did eat more than I should. I had about 30 minutes of extreme discomfort - and I had an entire night of heartburn, complicated, I'm sure, by the fact that I was sleeping on less pillows in the hotel than I usually use at home. Understand, when I say I ate more than I should - I'm not talking about a complete five course meal - it might have been only few bites too many - but for me, the effect is the same. I promise you, I won't do that again!
My husband gave me a pretty new top for my birthday, and a dear friend gave me not one, not two, but TEN toe rings! Up until recently, my little sausage toes could not wear a toe ring, but now that they are not so fat and swollen, this is a new joy I have found! They make me happy - and when I opened the package and saw 10 toe rings - I laughed out loud. My birthday was great - not (just) because of the presents, but because I was with people I love and who love me. I love birthdays!
It wasn't all roses - one night - I didn't pay very close attention, and I did eat more than I should. I had about 30 minutes of extreme discomfort - and I had an entire night of heartburn, complicated, I'm sure, by the fact that I was sleeping on less pillows in the hotel than I usually use at home. Understand, when I say I ate more than I should - I'm not talking about a complete five course meal - it might have been only few bites too many - but for me, the effect is the same. I promise you, I won't do that again!
My husband gave me a pretty new top for my birthday, and a dear friend gave me not one, not two, but TEN toe rings! Up until recently, my little sausage toes could not wear a toe ring, but now that they are not so fat and swollen, this is a new joy I have found! They make me happy - and when I opened the package and saw 10 toe rings - I laughed out loud. My birthday was great - not (just) because of the presents, but because I was with people I love and who love me. I love birthdays!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Update for Friday
I will be leaving in just a few minutes for Nashville, and probably will not get to blog again until Monday. So, I just had to blog one more time today to post the inches I have lost...
I am 21 1/2 weeks out from surgery. I have lost 90.25 inches! Or, put another way, 7 feet, 6.25 inches! Whoohoo! The biggest loss has been around my hips - 15.25 inches. Combined from my thighs - 19.15 inches. My waist and bust have both lost 8.00 inches! I'm so excited!
I'm happy to report that the pants I purchased at the beginning of the month have some wiggle room now, and I must be getting used to them because I no longer feel like they are too tight. I'm getting there!
I am 21 1/2 weeks out from surgery. I have lost 90.25 inches! Or, put another way, 7 feet, 6.25 inches! Whoohoo! The biggest loss has been around my hips - 15.25 inches. Combined from my thighs - 19.15 inches. My waist and bust have both lost 8.00 inches! I'm so excited!
I'm happy to report that the pants I purchased at the beginning of the month have some wiggle room now, and I must be getting used to them because I no longer feel like they are too tight. I'm getting there!
Heading to Nashville...
My husband and some friends are picking me up after work today, and we are heading to Nashville! My husband's gospel quartet is going to cut a new CD. They will have a photo shoot with a professional photographer tomorrow morning, first thing. Then they will sing all day long. And if necessary, they will sing some on Saturday as well. While our guys are working hard, they wives are all going just to hang out for the weekend. I'm planning on relaxing by the pool, working on the tan, and just chillaxing! It should be fun.
I packed last night - but of course, there are some things that just have to wait until after the morning ablutions - toothbrush, makeup, etc. My PLAN was to get up early, so that I would have plenty of time. Remember the saying, "The best laid plans of mice and men..."? I normally, get out of bed at about 5:30 - which give me plenty of time to do everything I need/want to do. This morning - my husband rolls over at 5:45 and says, "Aren't you getting up?" My alarm was not playing my favorite radio station - it was set on static, thanks, no doubt, to one of the furry children in our house. So instead of getting up early - I am now officially late, and rushing around to get everything done. DANG!
But, I managed still to get everything done and get my personal hygiene items in a place that my husband can pack them when he packs his. I had made my lunch last night - which made my regular routine a little easier.
I hate to be caught off guard like that - rushing, trying to remember everything, that nagging feeling that there is something I completely forgot to do.
I spent most of my life dieting that way. There was a plan - but something would go wrong, and I was spending a whole lot more time playing "catch up" than I spent preparing. Then I would beat myself up - and get frustrated and depressed and throw in the towel because I just "couldn't do it." It is so much better to have the plan in place - and to be able to stick to it.
I'm determined that the rocky start this morning is not going to affect my weekend - and that those times when I get off my plan for health and nutrition are not going to affect my long-term success!
I packed last night - but of course, there are some things that just have to wait until after the morning ablutions - toothbrush, makeup, etc. My PLAN was to get up early, so that I would have plenty of time. Remember the saying, "The best laid plans of mice and men..."? I normally, get out of bed at about 5:30 - which give me plenty of time to do everything I need/want to do. This morning - my husband rolls over at 5:45 and says, "Aren't you getting up?" My alarm was not playing my favorite radio station - it was set on static, thanks, no doubt, to one of the furry children in our house. So instead of getting up early - I am now officially late, and rushing around to get everything done. DANG!
But, I managed still to get everything done and get my personal hygiene items in a place that my husband can pack them when he packs his. I had made my lunch last night - which made my regular routine a little easier.
I hate to be caught off guard like that - rushing, trying to remember everything, that nagging feeling that there is something I completely forgot to do.
I spent most of my life dieting that way. There was a plan - but something would go wrong, and I was spending a whole lot more time playing "catch up" than I spent preparing. Then I would beat myself up - and get frustrated and depressed and throw in the towel because I just "couldn't do it." It is so much better to have the plan in place - and to be able to stick to it.
I'm determined that the rocky start this morning is not going to affect my weekend - and that those times when I get off my plan for health and nutrition are not going to affect my long-term success!
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