Getting Ready for Vacation

After months of not having a day off, FINALLY, Memorial Day is here – and I’m taking a couple of extra days next week.  I cannot begin to describe how much I am looking forward to this.  Some good friends have invited us to visit them in Outer Banks, NC – and we are leaving right after church on Sunday.

Just like plateaus are a part of the weight loss journey, rest and relaxation are part of our lives, although many times this aspect is sadly neglected.  We go all the time, running here and there, seldom taking any time to stop and enjoy.  So, this trip, I plan to do exactly that.  Sleep late if I want to – spend time with good friends – enjoy the beach – and most of all, just RELAX.  No deadlines – no urgent meetings – no worries. 

May you have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend – and hug a veteran!  They have done so much for us.

Counting the Changes

Before today’s blog, I have used the word “change” (in one form or another) 127 times in the 300 blogs I have written.  Change has been such an important part of this journey for me.  There have been physical changes, for sure.  Anyone can look at my progressive pictures and see the physical changes.  There have been emotional changes, or at least a change in how I deal with emotions.  And there have been mental changes, as well, as I examine my relationship with food, and deliberately choose to alter my thought process and my behavior.  And that doesn’t count the increased activity, fewer medications, and overall improvement in my health.

Amidst all the change in my life – it is comforting to have SOMEONE who is constant:

“He rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.  God, who is enthroned from of old, who does not change—he will hear them and humble them, because they have no fear of God.”  (Psalm 55:18-20, NIV)

“I the LORD do not change.”  (Malachi 3:6, NIV)

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  (James 1:16-18, NIV)

Here’s to change – when it is necessary, but also to God who is always faithful – and NEVER changes!

Cleaning My Plate

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a couple of co-workers, about being brought up to clean your plate.  That is so much a cultural thing for us here in the United States, that we don’t even realize it.  One friend was talking about being in a South American country – and every time she cleaned her plate, they would pile more food on it.  After several days, someone made a comment about how much Americans eat.  She was eating because they were piling food on her plate, and they were piling food on her plate because she was eating it all.  (In that culture, you leave some on your plate to signal that you are full and finished eating.)  A simple misunderstanding that could have been serious over time.  Once she understood THEIR culture, she was able to eat much less and be more comfortable.

The conversation made me wonder how many things we do that are cultural rather than necessary for nutrition.  Through the years, portion sizes have grown considerably, particularly in restaurants.  Then, because we eat so much when we eat out, we feel that we have to eat the same amount when we cook at home.  We eat in front of the television, so we don’t pay much attention to the food we are putting in our mouths.  We all live very busy lives, so we often eat in a rush, so much so that we don’t always give our bodies time to feel full – so we eat even more.  In fact, the more I think about it, the more it seems that we do very little in response to actual hunger and nutrition needs, and nearly everything in response to cultural and lifestyle standards.  No wonder this country is facing an epidemic in obesity!

This journey has forced me to be much more aware of “WHY” I eat instead of “WHAT” or “HOW MUCH” I eat.  And recognizing these cultural idiosyncrasies is a big part of my journey.  Sometimes, determining the “why” is uncomfortable, especially when it turns out to be for emotional reasons.  But I am healthier and happier because I have worked hard at this.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern on the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  (Romans 12:1-2, NIV)

Hanging In There

Yesterday I was yelled at.  Twice.  By two people that I love and respect.  I don’t like being yelled at – even if I deserve it.  Maybe especially if I deserve it.  And I really don’t like being yelled at when I am hurting.

Unexpectedly, I found out yesterday that the entire tax liability for having my loan written off is due this week – not spread out over the rest of the year the way that I had anticipated it would be.  I’m not at all complaining about the tax liability – I fully expected and intended to pay it.  I just did not expect that it would be such a massive amount in such a short period of time.  And in my frustration I made the comment that I wished I had never had the surgery.

Of course, I have no intention of going back to what I was before the surgery.  But in that moment, with the substantial tax bill hanging over my head, threatening my family’s well-being, I expressed an honest emotion.  There is really no point in telling me I SHOULDN’T feel that way – I DO feel that way.  I completely acknowledge that I will not always feel that way, but right now, that is where I am.  It hurts knowing that something I did has put my family in jeopardy – threatening at least one of our very basic needs – our house.  My paycheck that pays the mortgage is going to be zero this month.  And that is scary.

Having said that, I believe that God is bigger than this problem.  He’s bigger than my fears, and my emotions.  And already, I have seen His hand work in ways I would not have thought possible.  And to the people who yelled (OK, maybe “yelled” is a little strong) – I know that you only said what you said because you love me, and you know that having the surgery saved my life. 

I’ll be OK.  We will be OK.  Sometimes it just takes a little time and effort to get from where I am right now to that OK point.

After the End

What do you say on the Monday after the “end of time”?  There has been much hype about the rapture that was supposed to happen last Saturday.  I have to say, I did not at any time think that this was going to happen.  But as I sat home by myself at 6:00, there was the tiniest little doubt that somehow, I had missed the big event, and I wouldn’t even know.  I called my parents.  Whew – they are still here.  I texted both my husband and a good friend.  Yep, they are still here.  (Although I wouldn’t have put it past any of them to not answer my call or text, just to freak me out a little.)  Sunday morning at church, there was no one suspiciously missing.  If there was a rapture, apparently I’m hanging out with the wrong crowd – because I don’t know ANYONE who is no longer here.

The person who did all the calculations – who collected and spent so much money for advertising this – probably was very sincere in everything he did.  The people who believed him were also most likely genuine in their faith.  How sad that sincerity and faith aren’t enough.  I imagine they will face tremendous embarrassment, possibly even ridicule.  For me, this is just a reminder to be very sure of the things I choose to place my faith in.

When it comes to this journey – as tempting as the “quick fixes” might be, they are like what happened on Saturday – a LOT of hype, but not much follow through.  I’m much better off being smart – using common sense to control my calorie intake and exercise to control what I expend, making sure that what goes out is more than what comes in.

“Jesus, answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you really know me, you will know my Father as well.  From now on, you do know him and have seen him.’”  (John 14:5-7, NIV)

“’But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.  Be on guard!  Be alert!  You do not know when that time will come.’”  (Mark 13: 32-33, NIV)

Jesus is the only way to God – and He says that even HE doesn’t know when the end will come.  Not only is it presumptuous to think a mere man could know more than Jesus, but think about what the people who believed this so sincerely must be feeling now. 

I Don't Believe It!

OK – I admit it.  I’m a total skeptic – especially when it comes to those ads where people have lost so much weight just popping a little pill – or eating this secret food to lose weight fast.  You know the ones I’m talking about:  where a person in standing in one leg of a massive pair of pants.  Who knew that I would someday be that person?

I mentioned cleaning out my closet a few weeks ago – well, I found a pair of pants I wore at my biggest.  And guess what – I can get all of me in one leg.  I took a picture to prove it! 

I never thought I would be here – yet here I am.  So, I’m doing a little happy dance today.

Happy Friday, everyone!

A Big Mistake

Tuesday night, while Dave was at work, I was playing on the computer.  I usually have the TV on, for the noise (and to drown out the noise that Mozart, our parrot, makes), but I’m not usually watching it.  It was on TLC – and most of the time, I don’t even bother to change the channel.  This particular night, a show came on that caught my attention, and I watched much more closely than I usually do.  It was called, “Half Ton Mom.”  A very large woman, weighing nearly 900 pounds, put everything she had into finding a doctor and hospital that would perform gastric bypass on her.  Finally, she found a surgeon and this show documented her surgery and progress.

Normally, I stay away from this kind of movie or television show.  It is extremely emotional for me – because in my very recent past, I was right there.  I felt her agony.  I admired her courage.  I cheered her determination.  But in very nearly every way – her story is my story, and it is very difficult to watch. 

She went through the surgery.  Because she was such a high risk, she spent her recovery time in the hospital.  At two weeks post-op, she had lost 60 pounds.  The doctors felt her progress was encouraging.  Everything seemed to be going fine.

At two and a half weeks post-op, she had a massive cardiac event – and died with no warning.  She left two children. 

As I have thought about this for the last couple of days, I realized the reason it upset me so badly is that I could have been her.  I didn’t weigh as much as she did, but I was well on the way.  Everything she admitted to feeling I have felt.  I knew her disappointment as doctor after doctor said they wouldn’t operate because the risk was simply too great.  I understand her desire to something – ANYTHING – to make things better.  I felt her shame when they had to make special accommodations just to perform her surgery and during her recovery.  And when she died, I knew how very close I came to being the person in the morgue.

PRAISE GOD – that I was able to find the help I needed to make a change in my life!  So many people have encouraged me – cheered for me – prayed for me.  My heart still hurts – for this young woman (she was only 29) and for so many people out there who are still looking for an answer.  I hope I never lose the ability to sympathize – and to empathize with people on this journey.  I hope that I will never forget how much pain I felt at my biggest, and how much pain people around me are feeling, whether it is concerning this issue or anything else.  And I really pray that no matter what changes are happening in my body and in my mind, that I will continually become more and more like God.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”  (2 Corinthians 3:17-18, NIV)