I did NOT make good choices this weekend. At all. We ran all weekend - I took Friday off work to go to the cardiologist, and to help my husband get everything ready for our choir retreat on Friday night. Saturday - we spent a good part of the day cleaning up from the retreat, and another good part of the day shopping. Sunday - like always - was busy. We ate out almost every meal the whole weekend. When we WERE home - I was tired - bone weary exhausted.
I don't think I over ate - this surgery does a great job at preventing that. But I did not necessarily eat things that were good for me. Especially when I was at home. For some reason, the only thing I ever really crave - are salty snacks. (Certainly NOT the chocolate and sweets that I used to crave.) But typically, salty snacks do not have much protein, the one thing that I'm really supposed to eat. And they DO have salt - the one thing I am NOT supposed to eat. So, for me, they are pretty much just wasted nutrition opportunities. And I don't feel good when I eat them. And I know better. But this weekend, I didn't care. At all.
So, today, I'm ready to make better choices. No more Sun Chips. I'm going to do what I'm supposed to do. One day at a time.
I have posted a couple of new pictures - one of me in my bathing suit - and one of me in the new jeans - sporting the belt that a good friend made for me. The bathing suit picture is a stretch for me - I'm really putting myself out there. But I committed to being open and honest about everything - and wearing the bathing suit is a lot of what I have done this summer. I love the jeans and the belt, though. So much so that I went against what I ususally do on Sundays and wore the jeans and the new belt to church. Guess what - the roof didn't cave in! I had a lot of compliments, which made me feel good.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Baggy Jeans...
I purchased my jeans on August 6 - and last night at church, more than one person commented about my "baggy jeans." I can't decide if that makes me happy, or sad. Happy - for sure - because it means I'm still losing and it is still showing. But sad - absolutely - because I LOVE my jeans - I would live in them all the time if that were feasible - and it made me realize that it doesn't make sense to spend a lot of money buying clothes - because I am still changing size and shape.
A good friend is making a belt for me - it's been ages and ages since I've had a belt - so I am looking forward to that. And maybe when I get the belt - I'll be brave enough to actually wear a shirt tucked into my jeans. I'm sure I can make the jeans work, for a while, anyway.
Another brave thing I'm considering - it's time for another picture, so I am seriously considering having it taken in my bathing suit. I haven't decided yet - so I might chicken out - but I'm trying to be open and honest about this whole process - so look for it.
I have another cardiologist's appointment tomorrow, and will be taking the day off work. I'm not sure when / if I will get to post tomorrow.
A good friend is making a belt for me - it's been ages and ages since I've had a belt - so I am looking forward to that. And maybe when I get the belt - I'll be brave enough to actually wear a shirt tucked into my jeans. I'm sure I can make the jeans work, for a while, anyway.
Another brave thing I'm considering - it's time for another picture, so I am seriously considering having it taken in my bathing suit. I haven't decided yet - so I might chicken out - but I'm trying to be open and honest about this whole process - so look for it.
I have another cardiologist's appointment tomorrow, and will be taking the day off work. I'm not sure when / if I will get to post tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
28 Weeks
Since surgery - down 97.6
Since 2 Weeks pre-op - down 106.4
Total - down 157.4
WOW - I never thought I would say that - I never thought I would be here, especially after only 28 weeks. But here I am - loving every minute of it.
I must confess that I absolutely ADORE the animated Christmas specials every year - and if it is at all possible - I WILL watch each and every one of them. One of my favorites, "Santa Claus Is Coming To Down" (1970 - Fred Astaire as the voice of the narrator, and Mickey Rooney as Kris Kringle) - has a song in it that I have always loved, "Put One Foot in Front of the Other." Basically, it talks about how you can't go anywhere until you put one foot in front of the other and take the first step.
This year, that show, and especially that song will mean more to me than ever. This journey has been made up of little steps, but when they are added together - LOOK HOW FAR I'VE COME!!! And the first step is by far the most important. It is that first step that makes the difference - that determines the path the journey will take. Without that first step, I would weigh nearly 160 pounds more than I do right now - and be miserable.
I frequently go to www.obesityhelp.com and look at the before and after pictures. And no matter how much weight a person needed to lose, there is one very common denominator in those pictures. The "before" pictures all look so unhappy - with themselves and with everyone else. But the "after" pictures show genuine smiles - not just with the mouth - but with the eyes. I'm happy - I'm doing this.
A friend commented the other day that she noticed how happy I seem now, especially compared with before. You know what - she's right.
Since 2 Weeks pre-op - down 106.4
Total - down 157.4
WOW - I never thought I would say that - I never thought I would be here, especially after only 28 weeks. But here I am - loving every minute of it.
I must confess that I absolutely ADORE the animated Christmas specials every year - and if it is at all possible - I WILL watch each and every one of them. One of my favorites, "Santa Claus Is Coming To Down" (1970 - Fred Astaire as the voice of the narrator, and Mickey Rooney as Kris Kringle) - has a song in it that I have always loved, "Put One Foot in Front of the Other." Basically, it talks about how you can't go anywhere until you put one foot in front of the other and take the first step.
This year, that show, and especially that song will mean more to me than ever. This journey has been made up of little steps, but when they are added together - LOOK HOW FAR I'VE COME!!! And the first step is by far the most important. It is that first step that makes the difference - that determines the path the journey will take. Without that first step, I would weigh nearly 160 pounds more than I do right now - and be miserable.
I frequently go to www.obesityhelp.com and look at the before and after pictures. And no matter how much weight a person needed to lose, there is one very common denominator in those pictures. The "before" pictures all look so unhappy - with themselves and with everyone else. But the "after" pictures show genuine smiles - not just with the mouth - but with the eyes. I'm happy - I'm doing this.
A friend commented the other day that she noticed how happy I seem now, especially compared with before. You know what - she's right.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
"He Looks Good"
Last night was visitation for one of God's beloved. An older man in our church was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over a year ago. He was given 4 - 6 months to live - so we were blessed to have him with us as long as we did - especially since he opted not to do any kind of chemo or radiation. The funeral home was packed last night for visitation - and I cannot tell you how many people said to me, "He looks good." I know that this is a time of grief - and I understand that many times, people do not know WHAT to say - and I think that there is probably some relief to know that this shell, lying in a coffin, resembles the person we loved. But honestly - that phrase drives me crazy!!!! He doesn't look good. He looks dead. And no amount of makeup - and talking about it - is going to change that.
Of course, I did not say this to anyone (except my husband - in the car, after we left the funeral home.) But I did threaten all kinds of dire consequences if anyone, and I do mean anyone, sees me in the same circumstances. After I'm gone, the last thing I want people thinking about is what I look like. Come to think about it - the last thing I want people thinking about while I'm here - is what I look like.
Going through this journey - it's easy to focus on what I (and everyone else) can see. The pounds and inches lost - the smaller size clothes - etc., etc., etc. But the really important things can't be seen, or even necessarily measured - the improved self-image - the improved health - the improved stamina. I don't want to "look good" (although it is a nice side benefit) - I want to feel good. The compliments are nice (and I'm not asking anyone to stop) - but, for me, they are not the main thing.
Of course, I did not say this to anyone (except my husband - in the car, after we left the funeral home.) But I did threaten all kinds of dire consequences if anyone, and I do mean anyone, sees me in the same circumstances. After I'm gone, the last thing I want people thinking about is what I look like. Come to think about it - the last thing I want people thinking about while I'm here - is what I look like.
Going through this journey - it's easy to focus on what I (and everyone else) can see. The pounds and inches lost - the smaller size clothes - etc., etc., etc. But the really important things can't be seen, or even necessarily measured - the improved self-image - the improved health - the improved stamina. I don't want to "look good" (although it is a nice side benefit) - I want to feel good. The compliments are nice (and I'm not asking anyone to stop) - but, for me, they are not the main thing.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Regrets...
As a child - one of my favorite poems was "The Purple Cow" by Gelett Burgess.
"I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one."
"The Purple Cow" is reprinted from A Nonsense Anthology. Ed. Carolyn Wells. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1915.
You may, or may not have heard this sometime during your childhood. It always made me smile - at the absurdity of seeing a Purple Cow, and at the thought that ANYONE could be a Purple Cow. But what many people do NOT realize is that he revisited The Purple Cow later in life:
The Purple Cow: Suite
"Ah, Yes! I Wrote the "Purple Cow" --
I'm Sorry, now, I Wrote it!
But I can Tell you Anyhow,
I'll Kill you if you Quote it!"
"The Purple Cow: Suite" is reprinted from The Burgess Nonsense Book Being a Complete Collection of the Humorous Masterpieces of Gelett Burgess. Gelett Burgess. New York: Frederick A. Stokes, 1901.
I have no idea what caused him to so regret writing that little nonsense poem, but regret it he did. He regretted it so much that he didn't even want anyone to repeat it to him.
I have many regrets in my life - far to many to list here. But I also have many things I do NOT regret. I do not regret taking responsibility for my health and my weight. I do not regret deciding on weight loss surgery. I do not regret making healthy choices about diet and exercise. And I absolutely DO NOT REGRET taking this journey - and sharing it with my friends.
"I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one."
"The Purple Cow" is reprinted from A Nonsense Anthology. Ed. Carolyn Wells. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1915.
You may, or may not have heard this sometime during your childhood. It always made me smile - at the absurdity of seeing a Purple Cow, and at the thought that ANYONE could be a Purple Cow. But what many people do NOT realize is that he revisited The Purple Cow later in life:
The Purple Cow: Suite
"Ah, Yes! I Wrote the "Purple Cow" --
I'm Sorry, now, I Wrote it!
But I can Tell you Anyhow,
I'll Kill you if you Quote it!"
"The Purple Cow: Suite" is reprinted from The Burgess Nonsense Book Being a Complete Collection of the Humorous Masterpieces of Gelett Burgess. Gelett Burgess. New York: Frederick A. Stokes, 1901.
I have no idea what caused him to so regret writing that little nonsense poem, but regret it he did. He regretted it so much that he didn't even want anyone to repeat it to him.
I have many regrets in my life - far to many to list here. But I also have many things I do NOT regret. I do not regret taking responsibility for my health and my weight. I do not regret deciding on weight loss surgery. I do not regret making healthy choices about diet and exercise. And I absolutely DO NOT REGRET taking this journey - and sharing it with my friends.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Hot or Cold???
For years, I have had hot flashes. They started when I was 29 - a massive ovarian cyst played havoc with my thermostat. At that time, they were only occasional - but the desire to hang out in an industrial size walk-in freezer always accompanied them. Then, 8 1/2 years ago, I had a total hysterectomy, and plunged head first into full menopause. Hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats - I had them all. My husband used to say that anything that lasted as long as what I was going through should not be called a hot FLASH...and I quit even asking, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?" It was ALWAYS just me...
Imagine my surprise, then, when all of I sudden I'm freezing. Not just a little cool - I have been chilled all the way to the bone. Some days my hands were so cold that they ached, and typing on my computer at work was agony. It has been 90+ degrees outside for most of the summer, with humidity at 95% and a heat index well over a 100 degrees. And I have been huddled at my desk with my fleece-lined jacket wrapped tightly around me. I've started sleeping in flannel pj's and socks, because I'm so cold when I go to bed. I take a jacket with me EVERYWHERE, because I just never know when the cold is going to hit.
On the weight loss surgery website I frequently use as a resource - I published a forum asking if anyone else out there was cold. The responses were overwhelming. One lady said if she had known about the bone-chilling cold, she might not have opted for the surgery. I felt better knowing that it was not just me - but if you see me snuggled in my jacket - I'm not sick. Just losing the insulation I have had for years and years. Of the two choices (hot or cold - there doesn't seem to be any middle ground for me - lol!) I think I would rather be cold. You can always add layers and eventually warm up. When you're hot, there are times you could strip down to nothing (as tempting as it might have been, I promise I never did that, at least in public!) and still be hot.
Imagine my surprise, then, when all of I sudden I'm freezing. Not just a little cool - I have been chilled all the way to the bone. Some days my hands were so cold that they ached, and typing on my computer at work was agony. It has been 90+ degrees outside for most of the summer, with humidity at 95% and a heat index well over a 100 degrees. And I have been huddled at my desk with my fleece-lined jacket wrapped tightly around me. I've started sleeping in flannel pj's and socks, because I'm so cold when I go to bed. I take a jacket with me EVERYWHERE, because I just never know when the cold is going to hit.
On the weight loss surgery website I frequently use as a resource - I published a forum asking if anyone else out there was cold. The responses were overwhelming. One lady said if she had known about the bone-chilling cold, she might not have opted for the surgery. I felt better knowing that it was not just me - but if you see me snuggled in my jacket - I'm not sick. Just losing the insulation I have had for years and years. Of the two choices (hot or cold - there doesn't seem to be any middle ground for me - lol!) I think I would rather be cold. You can always add layers and eventually warm up. When you're hot, there are times you could strip down to nothing (as tempting as it might have been, I promise I never did that, at least in public!) and still be hot.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
27 Weeks Out
I have lost 154.0 pounds from my biggest.
I have lost 103.00 pounds from 2 weeks pre-op.
I have lost 94.2 pounds from surgery.
I have lost 101.24 inches from 2 weeks pre-op. (8 feet, 5.25 inches)
Last night, I went through clothes. I was ruthless - and packed up everything that is too big. I had shirts and blouses from size 2X to size 5X. I am now consistently wearing X/XL. Even though I originally kept several of these because I LOVED them so much, it was time to say, "GOOD-BYE" to them. I did keep a couple of t-shirts in bigger sizes. One is my "painting shirt" - but that is ALL that I will wear it for. The other I kept to wear as a night shirt, but I have no intention of wearing it anywhere in public. All in all, I feel like I actually accomplished something.
I never thought I would be here after 27 weeks. It's a good place to be.
I have lost 103.00 pounds from 2 weeks pre-op.
I have lost 94.2 pounds from surgery.
I have lost 101.24 inches from 2 weeks pre-op. (8 feet, 5.25 inches)
Last night, I went through clothes. I was ruthless - and packed up everything that is too big. I had shirts and blouses from size 2X to size 5X. I am now consistently wearing X/XL. Even though I originally kept several of these because I LOVED them so much, it was time to say, "GOOD-BYE" to them. I did keep a couple of t-shirts in bigger sizes. One is my "painting shirt" - but that is ALL that I will wear it for. The other I kept to wear as a night shirt, but I have no intention of wearing it anywhere in public. All in all, I feel like I actually accomplished something.
I never thought I would be here after 27 weeks. It's a good place to be.
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