"He Looks Good"

Last night was visitation for one of God's beloved. An older man in our church was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over a year ago. He was given 4 - 6 months to live - so we were blessed to have him with us as long as we did - especially since he opted not to do any kind of chemo or radiation. The funeral home was packed last night for visitation - and I cannot tell you how many people said to me, "He looks good." I know that this is a time of grief - and I understand that many times, people do not know WHAT to say - and I think that there is probably some relief to know that this shell, lying in a coffin, resembles the person we loved. But honestly - that phrase drives me crazy!!!! He doesn't look good. He looks dead. And no amount of makeup - and talking about it - is going to change that.

Of course, I did not say this to anyone (except my husband - in the car, after we left the funeral home.) But I did threaten all kinds of dire consequences if anyone, and I do mean anyone, sees me in the same circumstances. After I'm gone, the last thing I want people thinking about is what I look like. Come to think about it - the last thing I want people thinking about while I'm here - is what I look like.

Going through this journey - it's easy to focus on what I (and everyone else) can see. The pounds and inches lost - the smaller size clothes - etc., etc., etc. But the really important things can't be seen, or even necessarily measured - the improved self-image - the improved health - the improved stamina. I don't want to "look good" (although it is a nice side benefit) - I want to feel good. The compliments are nice (and I'm not asking anyone to stop) - but, for me, they are not the main thing.