You know that it is has been a good weekend when I weigh less on Monday morning than I did on Friday morning. I have lost 164 pounds total, and 104.2 pounds since surgery.
We went to the Georgia National Fair in Perry, GA on Saturday. I LOVE the fair – there is so much to see and do – and SO MUCH TO EAT! Funnel Cakes – greasy pizza – cinnamon pecans and cashews – sausage – turkey legs – cotton candy – those are the staples, and then there are some very weird things, too – deep fried snickers bar, anyone? The smells attack from all sides – tempting and beckoning. But I did well – I had a little pulled pork when it was time to eat lunch. And a friend bought some of the cinnamon roasted nuts, and I had a few of those. But I walked past all of the other things.
I did have one really bad moment – there was a couple, both of whom were very large – she had to walk with crutches, and he was also having difficulty. It looked like he might have had cellulitis. It made my heart hurt as I watched them slowly make their way around. If other people looked at them, it was easy to read the disgust or sometimes pity on the onlooker’s faces. I felt their pain as if it were my own – because it has been my own.
But we had a great time with friends, we did a lot of walking – it was beautiful weather, although a little too warm.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Sporting a New Do
I got my hair cut last night. I have to confess – I HATE getting my hair cut. Start with the fact that I’m horrible when it comes to doing anything with my hair. Some people can spend the time and effort to make their hair look beautiful. I can only say that I’m ENVIOUS of anyone who can do that. So once I get into the chair at the salon, I start with the premise that it has to be EASY, meaning, “fluff and go.” Anything more complicated than that, and it just isn’t going to happen. So, first I have to convince the stylist that I really and truly am NOT going to blow my hair dry, or curl it, or any one of the hundreds of other torture things people do. (I know they don’t believe me when I say I don’t even own a blow dryer, but it’s true!)
Second, I have to convince them that, yes, I really do want it short. Yes, I do understand that once we cut it off, we can’t put it back. Yes, I will be happy with it, as long as I don’t have to do anything to it. And finally, I have to face all the questions about color. I know that I have a LOT of gray/white. I know that a lot of people my age color their hair. I know that it would make me look younger. But thank you, no, I’m happy with it the way it is. I worked hard for each and every one of those gray hairs. I have named most of them. And I don’t want to color it.
But every once in a while, I find someone who actually listens to me – who pays attention and who does what I want. (Just as a side note – it is MY hair, and MY money – shouldn’t I ALWAYS get what I want???) And that is what happened last night. It is a little funky – a little sassy – VERY EASY – and I love it! And so far, everyone who has seen it likes it, too.
When I get a new hairstyle that I like – I just feel better about myself. It doesn’t drastically change my life – or my circumstances. It doesn’t make all my problems go away. But it does give me a little boost of confidence, maybe a little spring in my step. The same is true about the changes I am making in my choices for food and health. I DO feel better about myself. I do enjoy life more, in general. Maybe I’m also sporting a new attitude.
Second, I have to convince them that, yes, I really do want it short. Yes, I do understand that once we cut it off, we can’t put it back. Yes, I will be happy with it, as long as I don’t have to do anything to it. And finally, I have to face all the questions about color. I know that I have a LOT of gray/white. I know that a lot of people my age color their hair. I know that it would make me look younger. But thank you, no, I’m happy with it the way it is. I worked hard for each and every one of those gray hairs. I have named most of them. And I don’t want to color it.
But every once in a while, I find someone who actually listens to me – who pays attention and who does what I want. (Just as a side note – it is MY hair, and MY money – shouldn’t I ALWAYS get what I want???) And that is what happened last night. It is a little funky – a little sassy – VERY EASY – and I love it! And so far, everyone who has seen it likes it, too.
When I get a new hairstyle that I like – I just feel better about myself. It doesn’t drastically change my life – or my circumstances. It doesn’t make all my problems go away. But it does give me a little boost of confidence, maybe a little spring in my step. The same is true about the changes I am making in my choices for food and health. I DO feel better about myself. I do enjoy life more, in general. Maybe I’m also sporting a new attitude.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
So Very Grateful
I just wanted to take today to say a long overdue “Thank You” to the people who are taking this journey with me. There is no particular order, and I’m very certain that I will miss someone. I apologize in advance.
To my Mom and Dad – who have supported this decision whole-heartedly. I know how much they have worried over my health, and I know that this has not been easy for them. But they have re-examined their own thoughts about food and portions in order to help me on this journey. And in the process they have both lost weight. I’m so proud of them.
To Dave – my husband – who has not only been there with every turn and bump in the road, but has uncomplainingly accepted the financial sacrifices we have had to make in order for this to happen. And who wisely lets me make my own choices about what, when, and how much I eat. You’re my rock!
To V – who walked this road before me – and who continues to walk it now. Your absolute success in this is one of the main reasons I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could do this. Thanks for answering my every question – for “paying it forward” – for giving me hope. Know that I love you!
To K, K, C, H, L, S, V and J – my sister-friends (much more sister than friend) – who have listened through all of the good times and bad times on this journey. Who always ask – who always show excitement for me – who are ALWAYS there for me. It is about you that Proverbs 18:24 was written – “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
To the dear people of FCCJ – who see my progress as their own – who never fail to encourage me, with words, with hugs, with help making and taking in clothes, and occasionally with “just because” gifts to celebrate. Even those days when I’m a little discouraged, you never fail to lift me up! Individually and corporately, you have all been there for me, and if possible, I love you more now than I did before.
To my Mom and Dad – who have supported this decision whole-heartedly. I know how much they have worried over my health, and I know that this has not been easy for them. But they have re-examined their own thoughts about food and portions in order to help me on this journey. And in the process they have both lost weight. I’m so proud of them.
To Dave – my husband – who has not only been there with every turn and bump in the road, but has uncomplainingly accepted the financial sacrifices we have had to make in order for this to happen. And who wisely lets me make my own choices about what, when, and how much I eat. You’re my rock!
To V – who walked this road before me – and who continues to walk it now. Your absolute success in this is one of the main reasons I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could do this. Thanks for answering my every question – for “paying it forward” – for giving me hope. Know that I love you!
To K, K, C, H, L, S, V and J – my sister-friends (much more sister than friend) – who have listened through all of the good times and bad times on this journey. Who always ask – who always show excitement for me – who are ALWAYS there for me. It is about you that Proverbs 18:24 was written – “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
To the dear people of FCCJ – who see my progress as their own – who never fail to encourage me, with words, with hugs, with help making and taking in clothes, and occasionally with “just because” gifts to celebrate. Even those days when I’m a little discouraged, you never fail to lift me up! Individually and corporately, you have all been there for me, and if possible, I love you more now than I did before.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Very Interesting
It is COOL when people who see me every day/week get excited about my weight loss. It is REALLY COOL when people who don’t see me very often are surprised when they first see me in person. But I have to tell you – it is AMAZING when people I do not even know stop me to comment about my weight loss. I work in a building with 18 floors. It is inevitable that I will see some people in the elevator or walking the halls – even though I don’t “KNOW” them. Yesterday, waiting on the elevator in the parking garage, I had five ladies stop me to ask what I was doing, because they were noticing the weight loss. People are watching, apparently even strangers in the building where I work.
This morning, I tried something that I haven’t tried in a long, long time. When I stepped out of the shower, I wrapped the towel around me. My husband and I always use the bath sheets – much larger than a regular towel. Even still – if I tried to wrap it around me, I would have a triangle of skin that just absolutely did not get covered. On TV or in the movies – the actress would be quite properly covered when she wrapped in a towel, and I was always a little envious (OK, OK – a LOT envious!) But this morning, not only did it wrap all the way around, but it also overlapped a good bit, so I was perfectly modest – perhaps not movie quality yet, but so much further than I have been. “I’m ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille.” LOL!
32 Weeks out – I’m down 163 pounds total, and 103.2 pounds since surgery.
Celebrating this Wednesday! Loving my cheerleaders!
This morning, I tried something that I haven’t tried in a long, long time. When I stepped out of the shower, I wrapped the towel around me. My husband and I always use the bath sheets – much larger than a regular towel. Even still – if I tried to wrap it around me, I would have a triangle of skin that just absolutely did not get covered. On TV or in the movies – the actress would be quite properly covered when she wrapped in a towel, and I was always a little envious (OK, OK – a LOT envious!) But this morning, not only did it wrap all the way around, but it also overlapped a good bit, so I was perfectly modest – perhaps not movie quality yet, but so much further than I have been. “I’m ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille.” LOL!
32 Weeks out – I’m down 163 pounds total, and 103.2 pounds since surgery.
Celebrating this Wednesday! Loving my cheerleaders!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The Waning Moon
On the way to work this morning – I noticed the waning crescent moon. It wasn’t just the crescent – you could also see the shape of the full moon. It was a beautiful picture. The thing I first noticed was how bright the crescent was – but it was so cool to see the crescent as part of the whole.
It occurred to me that this is a perfect illustration for me on several levels. First of all, the weight loss is truly just part of the whole picture for me. I have said before that I love the attention I have been getting – I’m glad that people think I look good. But that is not why I started this journey. For me, that is just a small part of the picture. Granted, it is the part that is most visible – and very obviously the part that most people comment on. But the biggest reason for this journey is to improve my health – and that is happening.
Second, the moon this morning made me think of the difficulties in seeing my body as it is RIGHT NOW. When I look in the mirror, I still see the old picture. Despite all of the changes, I’m still the fat girl. Someone suggested that I blow up a picture of the old me to life size, then cut around that picture, and cut two inches to the inside, creating a two inch border (remember, this is life size.) Then I should tape this to a full length mirror, and stand in front of it, and see where I am NOW. OK – that’s pretty complicated, but I do see the point. The only thing I have to compare to is the picture in my head, and that picture is no longer accurate. It does give me something to think about, though.
Finally, even though the moon is constantly changing its phase and its position, it has been with us since very nearly the beginning of time.
“God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.” (Genesis 1:16-19, NIV)
This struggle with my weight has been part of my life ever since I can remember, and that isn’t going to change. I AM making better choices now, and my PLAN is to continue that into the future. But I will still have to make the choices. I will still have to decide what I will and will not eat. I will still have to read labels, and know what my nutrition needs are.
As a child, my Mom taught me this little poem: “I see the Moon, the Moon sees me. God bless the Moon, and God bless me.” God has blessed me abundantly and richly. Through this journey, one of my greatest blessings is the friends and family who have been such a support! A GREAT BIG THANKS to all of you!!!
(As a side note – I weighed this morning exactly what my husband does. I’ll take it!)
It occurred to me that this is a perfect illustration for me on several levels. First of all, the weight loss is truly just part of the whole picture for me. I have said before that I love the attention I have been getting – I’m glad that people think I look good. But that is not why I started this journey. For me, that is just a small part of the picture. Granted, it is the part that is most visible – and very obviously the part that most people comment on. But the biggest reason for this journey is to improve my health – and that is happening.
Second, the moon this morning made me think of the difficulties in seeing my body as it is RIGHT NOW. When I look in the mirror, I still see the old picture. Despite all of the changes, I’m still the fat girl. Someone suggested that I blow up a picture of the old me to life size, then cut around that picture, and cut two inches to the inside, creating a two inch border (remember, this is life size.) Then I should tape this to a full length mirror, and stand in front of it, and see where I am NOW. OK – that’s pretty complicated, but I do see the point. The only thing I have to compare to is the picture in my head, and that picture is no longer accurate. It does give me something to think about, though.
Finally, even though the moon is constantly changing its phase and its position, it has been with us since very nearly the beginning of time.
“God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.” (Genesis 1:16-19, NIV)
This struggle with my weight has been part of my life ever since I can remember, and that isn’t going to change. I AM making better choices now, and my PLAN is to continue that into the future. But I will still have to make the choices. I will still have to decide what I will and will not eat. I will still have to read labels, and know what my nutrition needs are.
As a child, my Mom taught me this little poem: “I see the Moon, the Moon sees me. God bless the Moon, and God bless me.” God has blessed me abundantly and richly. Through this journey, one of my greatest blessings is the friends and family who have been such a support! A GREAT BIG THANKS to all of you!!!
(As a side note – I weighed this morning exactly what my husband does. I’ll take it!)
Monday, October 4, 2010
What A Weekend...
We got to spend a wonderful time Friday night with my family - my Mom fixed a belated birthday dinner for my husband. My sister and her family were there, and it was just a good time. I had a two hour massage on Saturday. We spent time with good friends on Saturday evening. And, of course, Sunday is always a good time.
And I became aware of a new goal. I hadn't even really thought about how much it meant to me - until this morning, when I thought it was going to happen, and it didn't. I am within ounces of weighing less than my husband.
Please understand - this isn't about the numbers - not at all. When I look at my husband, I see eyes so blue they take my breath away. I see a man who loves to laugh – and make me laugh. I hear a voice that could make the angels weep. My heart melts when he walks into a room. I have never cared what he weighed – and honestly, I don’t give it much thought. So the other day, when he mentioned his weight, and I realized how close I was to his weight, I was really surprised. In the entire time that we have been together as adults, I have weighed more than he does – sometimes, considerably more.
It isn’t the numbers, but it IS the principal. He is several inches taller than I am. He is broader through the shoulders and chest. By every measure, he SHOULD weigh more than I do. And I cannot begin to describe the absolute mortification, the horrible shame that I have felt because I was the heavy weight in this relationship.
I have been blessed with someone who doesn’t pay attention to the numbers, either. He has loved me at my biggest. He has loved me through illness – many of them severe. He has loved me through this journey. And he will love me when I reach my goal weight – and things are sagging and hanging. But I am SO looking forward to the day, when I can say that I weigh less than he does. It could happen any day now.
And I became aware of a new goal. I hadn't even really thought about how much it meant to me - until this morning, when I thought it was going to happen, and it didn't. I am within ounces of weighing less than my husband.
Please understand - this isn't about the numbers - not at all. When I look at my husband, I see eyes so blue they take my breath away. I see a man who loves to laugh – and make me laugh. I hear a voice that could make the angels weep. My heart melts when he walks into a room. I have never cared what he weighed – and honestly, I don’t give it much thought. So the other day, when he mentioned his weight, and I realized how close I was to his weight, I was really surprised. In the entire time that we have been together as adults, I have weighed more than he does – sometimes, considerably more.
It isn’t the numbers, but it IS the principal. He is several inches taller than I am. He is broader through the shoulders and chest. By every measure, he SHOULD weigh more than I do. And I cannot begin to describe the absolute mortification, the horrible shame that I have felt because I was the heavy weight in this relationship.
I have been blessed with someone who doesn’t pay attention to the numbers, either. He has loved me at my biggest. He has loved me through illness – many of them severe. He has loved me through this journey. And he will love me when I reach my goal weight – and things are sagging and hanging. But I am SO looking forward to the day, when I can say that I weigh less than he does. It could happen any day now.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Have You Ever Wondered...
I have been busy working on the drama for our Christmas musical. I often write the drama, and this year is no exception. I am focusing a lot on Mary this year, and I wonder if she really knew everything she was agreeing to when she said to the angel, “I am the Lord’s servant.”
Did she know that the man to whom she was promised would not believe her story, and would try to divorce her quietly? Did she understand that being pregnant outside of marriage could result in being stoned? Did she know she would give birth far away from family and friends, in circumstances that were far from comfortable? And later, could she possibly understand the pain of watching her Son, this Man that she KNEW was the Son of God, die a horrible, excruciating, shameful death on a cross? I can only believe that she did not understand every nuance of her decision – because what person, what mother, could knowingly face all of that? Yet as she took this incredible journey, God was with her each step of the way – giving her strength and grace for what she had to face at that moment, and the promise He would be there for the next moments, too.
When you think about it, there is no way anyone can fully understand everything that any decision will have. But perhaps that is best – it would be so easy to be paralyzed if we understood everything. So we do make decisions – and put our trust in the ONE PERSON who is bigger than anything in our lives – GOD!
I have felt His presence each step of my journey. I’m not there yet, but I’m making progress. And I believe that He will continue to be with me, no matter what comes along.
Did she know that the man to whom she was promised would not believe her story, and would try to divorce her quietly? Did she understand that being pregnant outside of marriage could result in being stoned? Did she know she would give birth far away from family and friends, in circumstances that were far from comfortable? And later, could she possibly understand the pain of watching her Son, this Man that she KNEW was the Son of God, die a horrible, excruciating, shameful death on a cross? I can only believe that she did not understand every nuance of her decision – because what person, what mother, could knowingly face all of that? Yet as she took this incredible journey, God was with her each step of the way – giving her strength and grace for what she had to face at that moment, and the promise He would be there for the next moments, too.
When you think about it, there is no way anyone can fully understand everything that any decision will have. But perhaps that is best – it would be so easy to be paralyzed if we understood everything. So we do make decisions – and put our trust in the ONE PERSON who is bigger than anything in our lives – GOD!
I have felt His presence each step of my journey. I’m not there yet, but I’m making progress. And I believe that He will continue to be with me, no matter what comes along.
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