I usually use the hour (or so) vanpool drive in the mornings to plan what I will blog about. This morning I had absolutely NOTHING, so I was looking at all of the billboards along the road, hoping for some inspiration. I was literally bombarded with advertisements for plastic surgery, weight loss programs, new or used cars, air travel of all sorts (Atlanta is a hub for Delta and AirTran), and of course, food of all kinds. And as I was looking at all of these that were trying to get my attention - I noticed the sunrise in the east. The clouds were delicately painted in various shades of lavender and pink and coral. The sky lightened to a beautiful blue. And the effect was totally peaceful. I quit worrying about what I was going to write, and just appreciated the beautiful morning God had given me.
That's when it hit me - our society as a whole, AND we as individuals, spend SO MUCH TIME thinking about things that really and truly do not matter at all. We're obsessed with youth - or at least with looking youthful. We spend billions and trillions of dollars trying to lose weight - to get rid of wrinkles and fine lines - to pretend that we aren't aging by covering up the gray. And we spend very little time thinking about what God wants us to be. He doesn't want us to be young - He wants us to be loving. He doesn't want us to be thin - He wants us to be kind. He doesn't want us to be pretty - He wants us to be forgiving.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (I Corinthians 13:4-8a)
When I quit looking and listening to what the world is literally screaming at me - and focus on God - I am always happier. And filled with peace, and joy, and purpose.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Patience...
I have decided that I'm really not a very patient person. Most of the time, whatever it is that I want - I want it YESTERDAY! But you know what - the world doesn't care - most of the time, people around me don't care - and I have my suspicions that even God doesn't care how long some things take...things will take as long as they take.
Sitting waiting for that train to pass is going take a certain amount of time. I can't hurry it up just by being frustrated, and eager to get on my way. Waiting for the person at the doctor's office to come take my blood is one of my least favorite things to do - and I am NOT going to hurry them along by complaining about it. (In fact, I strongly suspect that complaining just makes them drag their feet even more.) And impatiently waiting to get to my goal weight doesn't really make the weight come off any faster.
The only thing I can really control in all of these situations is my attitude. And my attitude - good or bad - can and does affect not only me, but the people around me, too.
It's been a long, long time since I prayed for patience. Seems like every time I do - then God steps in answers that one in a hurry! Only I don't just wake up one morning with a huge dose of patience - God gives me patience by putting me in situations where I get to practice being patient. For the record - that's usually not exactly what I want. I want patience - like, YESTERDAY! Oh yeah, that's why I usually end up praying for patience in the first place.
Maybe instead of praying for patience, this time around, I'll pray for a better attitude - no matter what my circumstances.
Sitting waiting for that train to pass is going take a certain amount of time. I can't hurry it up just by being frustrated, and eager to get on my way. Waiting for the person at the doctor's office to come take my blood is one of my least favorite things to do - and I am NOT going to hurry them along by complaining about it. (In fact, I strongly suspect that complaining just makes them drag their feet even more.) And impatiently waiting to get to my goal weight doesn't really make the weight come off any faster.
The only thing I can really control in all of these situations is my attitude. And my attitude - good or bad - can and does affect not only me, but the people around me, too.
It's been a long, long time since I prayed for patience. Seems like every time I do - then God steps in answers that one in a hurry! Only I don't just wake up one morning with a huge dose of patience - God gives me patience by putting me in situations where I get to practice being patient. For the record - that's usually not exactly what I want. I want patience - like, YESTERDAY! Oh yeah, that's why I usually end up praying for patience in the first place.
Maybe instead of praying for patience, this time around, I'll pray for a better attitude - no matter what my circumstances.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Jeans Out of the Dryer...
There has always been some trepidation - for me, anyway - when I take jeans out of the dryer. Will they fit? Did they shrink too much? Or worse, did I gain? Then there is that awkward moment where I try to squeeze into them, and just pray that I can get them zipped. Even though it has been years since I've worn jeans - the fear was there this morning. I'm happy to report, however, that today, it was totally unfounded. They went up right over my hips - buttoned easily - and then I tried to zip them. Well - there was a LITTLE trouble zipping them, but not because they were too tight. The zipper pull got stuck in the down position under the flap material, and I had trouble getting it out. But when I finally did (without breaking a nail, I might add) they zipped up easily - and I didn't even have to suck in my breath. What a welcome and exciting relief from my fear.
This morning, I have officially lost 152.4 pounds from my biggest, 101.4 since I started tracking two weeks before surgery, and 92.6 since the day of surgery. My dad says that I have lost what he weighed as a football player in highschool. He thinks that is pretty cool. So do I, for that matter.
I will be cleaning out my closet again this weekend. I must confess that I kept some of my very favorite tops, even though they were big. But a funny thing has happened. They aren't my favorites anymore. I still like the colors and the styles, but they just don't look good on me anymore. I have some friends who have given me/will be giving me some clothes that no longer fit them (because they, too, have lost weight - YEA!) - and I need the room. From here on out - I promise to keep only those things that FIT and look good on me NOW.
This morning, I have officially lost 152.4 pounds from my biggest, 101.4 since I started tracking two weeks before surgery, and 92.6 since the day of surgery. My dad says that I have lost what he weighed as a football player in highschool. He thinks that is pretty cool. So do I, for that matter.
I will be cleaning out my closet again this weekend. I must confess that I kept some of my very favorite tops, even though they were big. But a funny thing has happened. They aren't my favorites anymore. I still like the colors and the styles, but they just don't look good on me anymore. I have some friends who have given me/will be giving me some clothes that no longer fit them (because they, too, have lost weight - YEA!) - and I need the room. From here on out - I promise to keep only those things that FIT and look good on me NOW.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Six Months Out...
It snuck up on me - but YESTERDAY was my six month anniversary for my surgery. There have been SO MANY changes in those six months...and I have listed them here before. I honestly feel like a butterfly - emerging from the dark cocoon - stretching and strengthening my wings - learning to fly.
Where I am now, versus where I was six months ago - well, it's difficult to even compare. But what if I had not made this decision - what if I had not gone forward with this surgery? I would still be stuck in the cocoon - with no hope of ever getting out. I would be 92 pounds heavier (probably even more than that - because I lost quite a bit of weight right before my surgery.) I would never look in a mirror. I wouldn't be able to wear jeans, or step on the regular scale at the doctor's office. I wouldn't have any breath or stamina to do even basic walking. I wouldn't care at all what I look like - wouldn't fix my makeup, wear jewelry, or even wear clothes that look good on me. I was so miserable. I hated myself, and that had to spill over onto everything else in my life.
So, I guess, the amazing thing is NOT that I decided to have weight loss surgery. The REALLY amazing thing is that it took me so long to make the decision. When I think of the years that I put it off - the tears I cried - the time I wasted...it makes me very sad. But that is my past. I'm looking forward - to even more weight loss - to feeling better and better about myself - to getting below the 200 mark - to flying without an extender. Who knows what the next six months will bring?
Where I am now, versus where I was six months ago - well, it's difficult to even compare. But what if I had not made this decision - what if I had not gone forward with this surgery? I would still be stuck in the cocoon - with no hope of ever getting out. I would be 92 pounds heavier (probably even more than that - because I lost quite a bit of weight right before my surgery.) I would never look in a mirror. I wouldn't be able to wear jeans, or step on the regular scale at the doctor's office. I wouldn't have any breath or stamina to do even basic walking. I wouldn't care at all what I look like - wouldn't fix my makeup, wear jewelry, or even wear clothes that look good on me. I was so miserable. I hated myself, and that had to spill over onto everything else in my life.
So, I guess, the amazing thing is NOT that I decided to have weight loss surgery. The REALLY amazing thing is that it took me so long to make the decision. When I think of the years that I put it off - the tears I cried - the time I wasted...it makes me very sad. But that is my past. I'm looking forward - to even more weight loss - to feeling better and better about myself - to getting below the 200 mark - to flying without an extender. Who knows what the next six months will bring?
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Remembering Romper Room
Life was so much simpler way back when Romper Room was on the air. I loved Romper Room - and there were so many life lessons from that show...
1. Start every day with the pledge. It is important to honor your country.
2. Pray when you eat - it doesn't matter who is watching.
3. "Bend and stretch - reach for the stars" - It is good to move and exercise, and if you can do it with a funny little song, even better.
4. "Do Bee" - do be kind. Do be courteous. Do be a listener. If everyone would DO what Mr. Do Bee told us to do, the world would be a better place.
5. "Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play?" This little poem was followed by the teacher looking into her "magic" mirror and every day I listened faithfully for her to call MY name when she said, "I see Tommy, and I see Beth, and I see..." And on those rare occasions when she DID say "Teri" (or even if she said "Teresa"), I believed with all my heart that she was looking directly at me, and could actually see ME! Imagination is a good thing.
The lessons from Romper Room were not difficult. The lessons on the journey through weight loss surgery have been a little harder, but are just as important...
1. Stop eating when you are full.
2. Exercise is good - and more fun with music.
3. Do be patient.
Hmmm...maybe I need to start a TV show about it -
1. Start every day with the pledge. It is important to honor your country.
2. Pray when you eat - it doesn't matter who is watching.
3. "Bend and stretch - reach for the stars" - It is good to move and exercise, and if you can do it with a funny little song, even better.
4. "Do Bee" - do be kind. Do be courteous. Do be a listener. If everyone would DO what Mr. Do Bee told us to do, the world would be a better place.
5. "Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play?" This little poem was followed by the teacher looking into her "magic" mirror and every day I listened faithfully for her to call MY name when she said, "I see Tommy, and I see Beth, and I see..." And on those rare occasions when she DID say "Teri" (or even if she said "Teresa"), I believed with all my heart that she was looking directly at me, and could actually see ME! Imagination is a good thing.
The lessons from Romper Room were not difficult. The lessons on the journey through weight loss surgery have been a little harder, but are just as important...
1. Stop eating when you are full.
2. Exercise is good - and more fun with music.
3. Do be patient.
Hmmm...maybe I need to start a TV show about it -
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
124 Days Until Christmas
I know, I know - this is way too early to be thinking about Christmas. But like it or not, four months from tomorrow Christmas will be here. I am already gearing up for it. The second weekend of September, we have a choir retreat at church. The purpose is twofold: 1 - to have a great time of fun and fellowship, and 2 - to start work on our Christmas musical.
I have already been working hard on this. Every year, I make Christmas ornaments for everyone in the choir - with the year, and the name of the musical we will performing. This will be our 13th Christmas at FCCJ - so those people who have been in the choir the entire time have 13 different ornaments with which they can decorate their tree. I try to do something different each year, and sometimes it has been interesting finding exactly the right thing. But good news, right now I have almost half of them finished, and should be able to finish the rest of them tonight.
More than any other holiday - Christmas is full of memories - and so many of them revolve around food. We also have a big Open House each year, right at the beginning of December. The house is all decorated. I do all of my Christmas baking. The sights and sounds are really something.
But unlike every single other year - this year I will not be able to eat much, especially at my Open House. A bite here - a taste there, and I'm done. I'm already talking to myself - deciding exactly what I will fix, and more importantly what I will eat. By the time the Open House gets here, I will have had over nine months of practice - and I'm confident that I can get through this, too!
I have already been working hard on this. Every year, I make Christmas ornaments for everyone in the choir - with the year, and the name of the musical we will performing. This will be our 13th Christmas at FCCJ - so those people who have been in the choir the entire time have 13 different ornaments with which they can decorate their tree. I try to do something different each year, and sometimes it has been interesting finding exactly the right thing. But good news, right now I have almost half of them finished, and should be able to finish the rest of them tonight.
More than any other holiday - Christmas is full of memories - and so many of them revolve around food. We also have a big Open House each year, right at the beginning of December. The house is all decorated. I do all of my Christmas baking. The sights and sounds are really something.
But unlike every single other year - this year I will not be able to eat much, especially at my Open House. A bite here - a taste there, and I'm done. I'm already talking to myself - deciding exactly what I will fix, and more importantly what I will eat. By the time the Open House gets here, I will have had over nine months of practice - and I'm confident that I can get through this, too!
Monday, August 23, 2010
A New Day...
Mondays are NOT always my favorite time of the week, but I have to admit, after a busy, busy weekend, it's really nice to get back to the routine, even if it IS a Monday.
On the way to work, I was musing about my recent blogs - lots about clothes, but also about makeup and jewelry - all are things that I honestly gave very little thought to in my former life. I must confess that I have really enjoyed wearing these feminine things - but not necessarily for their own sake. What I REALLY enjoy is the attention I get when I wear these things. I made the comment to my Mom that I'm turning into a girlie girl. She responded with a relieved, "Finally!"
I have struggled with self-esteem issues all my life, and I think that the "tomboy" persona was an attempt to say that I didn't care what other people thought. Or maybe it was fear that no matter what I did, people wouldn't see me as soft and feminine - so it was better just to avoid that altogether. And maybe, just maybe, a large part of the problem was that I didn't see myself as soft and feminine, so it seemed silly to play the part, because eventually, someone would figure out that I'm pretendng.
There is a part of me that still feels like I'm playing dress up. It's difficult to reshape your body. It's even harder to reshape your mind, especially about emotional issues like body image and lifelong mental habits. But on both fronts - I see progress. I don't wear the clothes, or the jewelry, or the makeup for other people - I wear it for me. It DOES make me feel better, and when I feel better, I have more confidence, and when I have more confidence, people respond to it. Do I see myself as a "femme fatale"? Hardly. But I feel a lot less like an alien in the pretty clothes.
On the way to work, I was musing about my recent blogs - lots about clothes, but also about makeup and jewelry - all are things that I honestly gave very little thought to in my former life. I must confess that I have really enjoyed wearing these feminine things - but not necessarily for their own sake. What I REALLY enjoy is the attention I get when I wear these things. I made the comment to my Mom that I'm turning into a girlie girl. She responded with a relieved, "Finally!"
I have struggled with self-esteem issues all my life, and I think that the "tomboy" persona was an attempt to say that I didn't care what other people thought. Or maybe it was fear that no matter what I did, people wouldn't see me as soft and feminine - so it was better just to avoid that altogether. And maybe, just maybe, a large part of the problem was that I didn't see myself as soft and feminine, so it seemed silly to play the part, because eventually, someone would figure out that I'm pretendng.
There is a part of me that still feels like I'm playing dress up. It's difficult to reshape your body. It's even harder to reshape your mind, especially about emotional issues like body image and lifelong mental habits. But on both fronts - I see progress. I don't wear the clothes, or the jewelry, or the makeup for other people - I wear it for me. It DOES make me feel better, and when I feel better, I have more confidence, and when I have more confidence, people respond to it. Do I see myself as a "femme fatale"? Hardly. But I feel a lot less like an alien in the pretty clothes.
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