Say the Word

Very early in my childhood, I was taught this little saying:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.

It’s a nice sentiment, but unfortunately, it just isn’t true. Names DO hurt. Words are incredibly powerful – and can do damage beyond mere sticks and stones. The secret is in how much power we give those words.

During my first marriage, my ex-husband told me frequently that I was stupid, and weak, and powerless. In reality, those things were not true, but actually, they became true, because I believed them. Those words colored everything in my life – both during the marriage, and for years after it ended. I didn’t leave an abusive situation because I was powerless. I didn’t assert my opinions because I was stupid. I didn’t stand up to him because I was weak. Even when I eventually proved all those things wrong by leaving, I still believed them. The damage was extensive, and the wounds took many years to heal. Only someone who has lived with this will understand, but I would rather have broken bones and bruises than the injuries caused by words.

But words can have just the opposite effect, as well. Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) tells us that, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When I am hurting and someone says, “I love you…I’m praying for you…I’m here for you” it eases the hurt. It may not take the hurt away completely, but it makes me feel less alone and less scared.

During this journey – there have been many, many kind, encouraging words: “You are doing great!” “Keep it up!” “We’re cheering for you!” There have been a few less kind words, but I think I did learn something from my first marriage – and that is to focus on the good, not the bad.

Yesterday was 48 weeks since my surgery. I have lost 129.4 pounds since surgery, and a total of 189.2 pounds! I’m rapidly closing in on my next goal: to lose 200 pounds total – only 10.8 more pounds to go!