Warm Fuzzy Feelings

I have been amazed at the support I have received throughout this journey – not because I’m surprised that the people in my life are supportive – most everyone I know really wants to help other people. I’m surprised because at some level I have always felt that somehow I didn’t quite deserve it.

Last night – a dear friend loaned me a bunch of sweaters. Given that I spend so much time freezing now, this gift is more than a nice gesture…it’s quite possibly the best thing anyone could ever do for me. And the warmth doesn’t just surround my body when I wear the sweaters – it surrounds my heart and soul – and makes me feel loved.

Is there any better feeling in the world than feeling loved? I’m not talking about “romantic” love – I’m talking about the through thick and thin – good times and bad – deep love. This is the kind of love that happens with good friends, or between parents and a child. It’s the kind of love that says, “YOU ARE SPECIAL.” Isn’t that truly one of the desires of every heart? I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who show that kind of love all the time.

I had a dream the other night about my ex-husband. He showed up at my door to apologize and make amends as part of a 12-step recovery program. (For the record, I know that should he ever seriously go through a 12-step program, it might very well happen that he does show up on my doorstep.) During the conversation in my dream, I made the statement, “I’m not the same person you were married to.” Upon reflection, I realized that not only am I a different person from the one he married, but I’m also a different person than I was when I started this journey following weight loss surgery. I started with “I hope I can do this” and “Maybe this time will be different.” Now, I’m saying, “Look how far I’ve come.” Even more importantly, I’m saying, “I couldn’t have done this without the support and encouragement of so many people in my life.” I know that I’m not “there” yet. And I know that when I get “there” the struggle will not be finished. This is a commitment for the rest of my life. I may not deserve the support and love from the people in my life – but I will be eternally grateful that they unselfishly give that love and support anyway. I LOVE YOU ALL!