Dealing with Emotions

Today, I am dealing with nearly every negative emotion known to humans:  rage, sadness, disbelief, fear, and anxiety.  What could possibly be causing this?  My beloved Lulu – the car I bought six weeks ago – was stolen yesterday.

As usual, I parked it in the same exact spot I always use when I catch my vanpool.  When the van pulled into the parking lot last night – Lulu was gone!  My first thought was that my husband had moved it for some reason – and I called him to verify that.  He hadn’t.  (Occasionally, this sweet man has been known to fill up my car.)  My next call was to the police – where I completed a report over the phone.  No broken glass – nothing seemed out of the ordinary in the parking lot – except that my car, which was SUPPOSED to be there, WASN’T!  By this time, I was shaking so badly that I had trouble assimilating what the police officer was saying.  I understood enough to realize that the officer wasn’t holding out much hope that I would get her back.  She was an easy mark; as an older car – she didn’t have any kind of anti-theft or alarm system.  The officer said that she was either taken for someone to use it for a crime – and then abandon, or taken for parts.  The older cars are being targeted because more people are now driving older cars, and parts are increasingly difficult to find.  She was in good condition – so either way, she would be useful.  He told me to report back to them immediately if I somehow found the car (if I found it – and didn’t clear the “stolen” status – and they pulled me over – it would be with guns drawn.)  Then he told me to go home, call my insurance and file a claim (which I did).  Because Lulu wasn’t worth much monetarily, we only had the minimum insurance on her to keep her legal.  And they would be in touch if for any reason they “found” my car.

I held it together pretty well last night.  But today – I feel so violated.  It isn’t the money, although where we are right now, the money we spent for her is a LOT!  It’s really about what that car meant to me – freedom, independence, and the ability to come and go as I please.  Having been without those things for so long, I appreciated them more than I most people do.  And now, because there are people in this world who don’t care about anybody but themselves, those intangible ideas have been snatched away from me again. 

Still, there is good from this, too.  I wasn’t in or near the car.  I wasn’t harmed physically in any way.  As of this moment, I have no reason to think that anyone else was harmed.  Friends have been incredibly supportive after finding out about this.  One friend loaned me a truck, “for as long as I need it.”  I have found out that there are a number of other people who have gone through this – I’m certainly not alone.  Losing the car and the money we put into it hurts, but is not something that will kill us – so it has to make us stronger, right? 

I’m still mad – and sad – and afraid.  But those are normal sentiments when something like this happens.  And while I have acknowledged these feelings, I have not used them as an excuse to eat.  As much as Lulu meant to me, the car is not worth losing ground on this journey!