An Active Imagination

I have always had an active imagination - as I child, I not only saw detailed shapes/people/animals when I looked at the clouds - but I could and did make up stories as those clouds related to other clouds and changed shape. (True confessions - I still do that, but I've learned that most people think it's a little weird when you do it as an adult - so I don't talk about it much...lol!) I can entertain others around me making up a story and dialogue for people I see sitting in a restaurant or riding a bus or walking in the mall. My brain is always "on" and that means that I am never bored. Hopefully, I have learned to use my powers for good and not evil.

But as crazy as my imagination is - I still have trouble seeing me as I am right now. I look in the mirror and see a huge plus-sized woman. Granted, she's not nearly as big as she once was, but she is still enormous. I would like to say that I can imagine me at the goal weight - not skinny - but slender enough to be healthy - with curves in all the right places - wearing regular clothes, and not even thinking about shopping in the plus-sized section of the store. I can't say that - because I can't see it.

Another true confession - while I absolutely adore all the attention I have been getting - I don't really and truly believe it in the deepest, darkest part of me. People have been so supportive of this journey - and I know that they are cheering me on. I always try to be upbeat and positive anytime that anyone comments in anyway about my weight loss. I answer graciously (I HOPE!) and talk about amazing journey - and my commitment to seeing it through - and my gratitude for all my cheerleaders - but it STILL feels like I am talking about somebody else.

What's really bizarre is that I CAN and DO see the end result when I look at a friend or loved one who is trying to lose weight. I can see them successful at the end of the journey. I can see them where they want to be. I don't even have to try very hard. I can encourage when needed - and be gentle when they feel they have "failed." I guess I really need to learn to be as confident in myself as I am in other people.