Dressing Up

I LOVE dressing up – getting to pretend I’m anyone I want to be. They always have a costume contest at work – and this year I wore my kimono – and wig. The kimono is authentic. Several years ago, a former exchange student was coming back to visit us – and asked for our measurements so that she could bring us custom made kimonos. I carefully measured everything, but I’m pretty sure whoever was making the kimono took one look at my hip measurement, and decided that no one could possibly be THAT huge, and it appears that they switched the hips and the height measurement. (Either that, or they had difficultly converting it from inches.) Whatever happened, the hips were way too small, and the length was excessive.

But this year, when I put it on – the kimono closes in front. It is still a little long – but otherwise it fits! VERY, VERY cool! The obi is a complicated thing of five layers. I’m not really sure that I have them in the right order, but I was able to get it on - and again, TOO COOL, the top layer wraps around 1 ½ times, just like it is supposed to. (The last time I wore the kimono and obi, I could only get it wrapped around one time.) Both of these things represent significant inches lost – and that makes me very, very happy.

It’s fun to dress up as someone or something else. But lately, I have really decided that I like being me. That is a tremendous change from who I was eight months ago. I didn’t like myself at all – and my fat was a barrier between me and most of the rest of the world. Don’t get me wrong – there were a number of people who loved me then, just as I was – who cared, who worried, who saw ME. But for every person who bothered to look – there were a whole lot more who made judgment about the fat lady – and never got any closer. To those true friends, I have to say that I love you with all my heart. Thank you for knowing ME – the real me, under the fat, under the pain, under the issues. A lot more people look at me this year – but I have really discovered, it doesn’t matter at all – the people who love me, are going to love me – not because of what I look like, or what I’m pretending to be – but because of who I am, deep inside.