The Serenity Prayer - Part 2

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

When I think of courage – I think of David facing Goliath – or a soldier fighting for what he believes in – or someone who has overcome tremendous odds to become an inspiration to the world. I am always very surprised at the number of times people have used the words “courageous” or “brave” to describe me, and/or the journey I am on now.

Yet in a very real sense, I suppose there is courage involved. I am battling my food demons. They aren’t what most people think of when they think of war – but they have kept me enslaved for decades. They have robbed me of joy – of peace – of health – of relationships. They have chained me to lies. They have controlled every aspect of my life for all of my adult life. And bit by bit, I am winning. Every time I make a good choice about food – I am breaking a link in the chain. Every time I exercise, even when I don’t really want to, I am rising triumphant. Every pound I lose, I am saying, “This is MY life. You can’t control it anymore!”

It also takes courage to expose my deepest thoughts and feelings about this journey. As time passes, I am more and more convinced that keeping it secret for so many years was the worst thing I could have done – yet I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it before. I couldn’t find the words to express the shame I carried with me all the time. I couldn’t face the humiliation of admitting I had a serious problem and asking for help. I couldn’t find a way out of the deep, dark hole I was in, and couldn’t see that there were people who would have helped if they had only known what to do.

I may never fight an enemy in a war, or face Goliath with nothing more than a slingshot and few small stones (and, of course, GOD!) But I am facing my demons, even though there have been many days that I am afraid. John Wayne once said, “Courage is being scared to death – but saddling up anyway.” I am doing what I have to do – even with the fear. And I guess, ultimately, that is the definition of courage.