Looking Cool

When I was in fifth grade – there was an interesting group of girls at my school. They were the COOL girls. I swear, I think they could have worn their pajamas to school – and everyone else would have thought this was the greatest thing – and worn THEIR pajamas the next day. I wanted desperately to be cool – but I started out with three strikes against me: we had recently moved from the deep south (Atlanta) to Long Island, NY; I was a straight A student; and my daddy was a preacher in a community that was about 95% Catholic, and they didn’t understand anything but a priest. Those are all pretty big on the UNCOOL list.

These girls frequently wore knickers to school – pants that were cropped to about the knee, with a cuff that buttoned. When worn with white knee socks, and a blouse, and sometimes even a vest – it was a cute outfit – especially for the dainty girls in the COOL group.

We never had a lot of money – so duplicating that look was not going to be easy. At one point, someone had given us a bag of hand-me-down clothes, and wouldn’t you know it – there was a pair of knickers in the bag!! I was so excited. It didn’t matter that they weren’t EXACTLY like the knickers everyone else was wearing. So what if they were flared instead of cuffed – and made out of polyester instead of heavy cotton? Did it really matter? I was going to wear knickers like everyone else. And my parents didn’t have to spend any money to make it happen.

I only wore them one time. It was the first time that I finally saw that, yes, it DID matter that they weren’t exactly the same. I was teased horribly that day – and I learned that you can dress somebody up, but you can’t make him or her cool.

My friends would probably tell you that my style is out there – particularly when it comes to accessories, I want something that makes a statement. But to this day, whenever I put on something that “pushes the limit” I am terribly self-conscious. I have to ask for (and RECEIVE) assurance that what I’m wearing really and truly does look OK. I think my husband would keep me from wearing anything too outrageous (at least I HOPE he would). And I think my friends will be honest and tell me if something is just too horrible for me wear. And perhaps I’ve learned that being COOL is largely attitude and not the window dressing. But there is still a part of me who goes back to fifth grade anytime that I try on something outside of my normal.