Sporting a 'Tude

I’m “sporting a ‘tude” today. It’s not pretty. I’m not happy with anything or anyone. To the people who have already encountered my ugly attitude today, I apologize. To the people who have yet to encounter my ugly attitude today, I apologize in advance. I’m pretty sure the best thing I can do today is stay out of everyone’s way – keep my head down – and just do what I have to do. I know that the funk will eventually blow over.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.” (I Peter 3:3-5, NIV)

I have always read this verse with a mixture of awe and envy. Perhaps more than any other verse in the Bible – this verse describes someone completely opposite of who I am. “The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit…” – great words, but if I asked friends to describe me in a list of 100 words – I doubt “gentle and quiet” would even make the inventory. Don’t get me wrong – I have always wanted to be this woman, or the woman in Proverbs 31. And I believe that I am a “work in progress.” But I have such a long way to go to get where I think God wants me to be in this area. What a blessing that God is patient with me on this journey.

I made a decision today; I decided that when I reach that ever-elusive 200 pounds – I’m going to make a poster with “200” in big, glittery numbers – and I’m going to have it up at work – and carry it around with me after work. That will be a huge accomplishment – and I’m going to brag a little about it. (Of course, as I say that, I realize it sort of goes against the “gentle and quiet spirit” I want to cultivate. Hmmm.) I’m going to do it anyway. I want to celebrate that milestone. It would be great if we could point to a specific point in time and say, “I have arrived. I now have a gentle and quiet spirit” or “I trust in the Lord completely.” Those milestones are not so tangible, and it will probably never happen that we recognize those things in ourselves.

So, I guess I will just keep plugging away – both at the weight and the process of becoming the woman God wants me to be. And maybe, someday, they both will happen.