This is Dave, Teri's husband writing for our patient. Teri asked me to let you all know that the surgery went well. The doctor actually said she did "beautifully." After a long day of delays at the hospital, the road to recovery is under way. She has a little bit of pain...to be expected...but she has already been up walking and doing the breathing exercises. Nothing yet to eat or drink...not until tomorrow when they will run an "x-ray" to determine that there are no leaks. The doctor said she may be able to come home as early as 5:00 p.m tomorrow.
Teri's determination and motivation will help her through the next days and weeks of recovery and life-changing diet adjustments. She WILL succeed!!! Thanks for all of your prayers and encouraging words.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
This Is It...
Tomorrow is the day. A lot of people have asked me, "Are you ready?" How can I possibly answer that?
To get where I am right now - I have had to do a lot of thinking about food - and it's role in my life. And in many ways - this is a deeply spiritual journey. There was a point in my life where the pain I felt was so intense and overwhelming - that I wanted to die. Perhaps the only reason that I'm here today is because as much as I wanted to die - I was absolutely terrified that I would attempt to take my life - and fail miserably. Could there be any greater humiliation? To live as the person who couldn't even commit suicide? At least, that was my thought at the time. I held a bottle of pills - and never opened them.
Food became my drug of choice...maybe the pain will go away. Maybe I will die from this. Maybe...
Only guess what? The pain did NOT go away. I did NOT die...even slowly and painfully. I loathed every bite - and yet, I didn't stop. The shame of not controlling my eating brought more pain - and I ate more...so there was pain on top of pain - and the pit got deeper...
Food is a necessity - while a person can go quite a while without food - still there comes a point that food is necessary. But when the need for food goes beyond basic nutrition - there is a very real problem.
I'm addicted to food. I eat - hoping the pain will go away, even though I have seen over and over and over again that it will not. It is only in learning to acknowledge the pain, to grieve the losses, to express those deep, dark emotions that I have found the reason to proceed with this. And God has been my strength in dealing with the pain. It certainly isn't something that I can possibly do on my own. Am I there yet? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I have spent my entire adult life trying not to feel. And those feelings are scary. But you know what - this isn't working anymore. So I'm learning, exploring, trying to become the person God made me to be.
The surgery tomorrow will not "cure" my addiction. Every day - I will have to make choices - choices to use food for what it was intended to be - basic nutrition - not as a drug, not as an escape. I do not for one minute think that I will always make the right choice. But I am making a start...
To get where I am right now - I have had to do a lot of thinking about food - and it's role in my life. And in many ways - this is a deeply spiritual journey. There was a point in my life where the pain I felt was so intense and overwhelming - that I wanted to die. Perhaps the only reason that I'm here today is because as much as I wanted to die - I was absolutely terrified that I would attempt to take my life - and fail miserably. Could there be any greater humiliation? To live as the person who couldn't even commit suicide? At least, that was my thought at the time. I held a bottle of pills - and never opened them.
Food became my drug of choice...maybe the pain will go away. Maybe I will die from this. Maybe...
Only guess what? The pain did NOT go away. I did NOT die...even slowly and painfully. I loathed every bite - and yet, I didn't stop. The shame of not controlling my eating brought more pain - and I ate more...so there was pain on top of pain - and the pit got deeper...
Food is a necessity - while a person can go quite a while without food - still there comes a point that food is necessary. But when the need for food goes beyond basic nutrition - there is a very real problem.
I'm addicted to food. I eat - hoping the pain will go away, even though I have seen over and over and over again that it will not. It is only in learning to acknowledge the pain, to grieve the losses, to express those deep, dark emotions that I have found the reason to proceed with this. And God has been my strength in dealing with the pain. It certainly isn't something that I can possibly do on my own. Am I there yet? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I have spent my entire adult life trying not to feel. And those feelings are scary. But you know what - this isn't working anymore. So I'm learning, exploring, trying to become the person God made me to be.
The surgery tomorrow will not "cure" my addiction. Every day - I will have to make choices - choices to use food for what it was intended to be - basic nutrition - not as a drug, not as an escape. I do not for one minute think that I will always make the right choice. But I am making a start...
Monday, February 22, 2010
Deep Breath...
The final countdown has begun. Clear liquids for today and tomorrow. And then on Wednesday, the surgery!
My head is spinning with all of the things I want to get done at work before I leave - all of the things I have to do after the surgery. So I decided just to take a DEEP BREATH - and get through it the way I have gotten through most of my life the last few years (after finding out about the heart failure) - one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Do the task at hand - and don't think about the rest.
Having made the decision to be open and honest about all of this - I find myself explaining my surgery to a lot of different people. Explaining the differences between the gastric sleeve and the bypass or the band. Explaining my choice over other types of surgery. Explaining my choice of doctor and hospital. I've done my research - I've picked the best fit for me. I know that not everyone will agree - and that's OK.
Here we go!
My head is spinning with all of the things I want to get done at work before I leave - all of the things I have to do after the surgery. So I decided just to take a DEEP BREATH - and get through it the way I have gotten through most of my life the last few years (after finding out about the heart failure) - one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Do the task at hand - and don't think about the rest.
Having made the decision to be open and honest about all of this - I find myself explaining my surgery to a lot of different people. Explaining the differences between the gastric sleeve and the bypass or the band. Explaining my choice over other types of surgery. Explaining my choice of doctor and hospital. I've done my research - I've picked the best fit for me. I know that not everyone will agree - and that's OK.
Here we go!
Friday, February 19, 2010
It's Friday...
It is getting close now - close enough that I can almost believe this is going to really happen. Maybe reality will set in on Monday, when I start clear liquids for two days - pre-surgery. Maybe it will become real when I wake up in the recovery room when a pain in my belly, and fighting off the grogginess of the anesthesia. Or maybe it will become real when I can start marking off small goals...10 pounds lost, 25 pounds lost, 50 pounds lost...100 pounds lost!
Even more important will be the the time I can walk in the store and not be totally out of breath and worn out. Or when I will get to hold my niece's baby when he or she is born in August! Or when my husband says, "Do you want to go out?" And I can go because I WANT to go - not because I don't want to disappoint him.
Even more important will be the the time I can walk in the store and not be totally out of breath and worn out. Or when I will get to hold my niece's baby when he or she is born in August! Or when my husband says, "Do you want to go out?" And I can go because I WANT to go - not because I don't want to disappoint him.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Support at work...
My employer has been wonderful - and my boss has been my champion. They have worked with me for doctor's visits, the pre-op stuff, time off for surgery...I can never express all my gratitude for all they have done to make this happen for me. I know many people are not nearly as blessed as I am.
That being said, I'm really noticing how many things at work - or in life in general - revolve around food. Someone's birthday? Let's eat! Someone gets a promotion? Let's eat! Employee Appreciation Week? Let's eat! Any celebration at all? Let's eat. We tie the joy of the occasion to the food, to the point that we have difficulty feeling joy if food is not involved. Or the opposite is also true - bad day at work? Let's eat. Romantic problems? Let's eat. Worried over a child, finances, health? Let's eat. A loved one dies? Let's eat. We also tie the heartache and stress to food. So in a very real sense, food no longer is just something to eat...it has become the emotional bond, happy or sad or mad or afraid, that connects us to our family, our friends, our co-workers. And giving up that bond is scary.
For Valentine's Day - my company gave out small boxes of chocolate to each employee. I politely asked that they not give me one. The response was, "But you still have over a week until your surgery." I smiled, and said, "Thank you, but I would really rather not." They passed me by - and I wonder if they were upset.
I'm taking a stand - food is no longer going to be my bond to other people...and I am sure that there will be people who will not understand - or agree with - that. I can rejoice with you - and not eat a single bite! I can cry with you, and not stuff my face. In my relationship - the other person is what is important - not the food we might or might not share. So, I am not going to be afraid to say, "No, thank you." I am not going to eat something, simply because the people around me are eating. And in doing so - I think I will find my path.
That being said, I'm really noticing how many things at work - or in life in general - revolve around food. Someone's birthday? Let's eat! Someone gets a promotion? Let's eat! Employee Appreciation Week? Let's eat! Any celebration at all? Let's eat. We tie the joy of the occasion to the food, to the point that we have difficulty feeling joy if food is not involved. Or the opposite is also true - bad day at work? Let's eat. Romantic problems? Let's eat. Worried over a child, finances, health? Let's eat. A loved one dies? Let's eat. We also tie the heartache and stress to food. So in a very real sense, food no longer is just something to eat...it has become the emotional bond, happy or sad or mad or afraid, that connects us to our family, our friends, our co-workers. And giving up that bond is scary.
For Valentine's Day - my company gave out small boxes of chocolate to each employee. I politely asked that they not give me one. The response was, "But you still have over a week until your surgery." I smiled, and said, "Thank you, but I would really rather not." They passed me by - and I wonder if they were upset.
I'm taking a stand - food is no longer going to be my bond to other people...and I am sure that there will be people who will not understand - or agree with - that. I can rejoice with you - and not eat a single bite! I can cry with you, and not stuff my face. In my relationship - the other person is what is important - not the food we might or might not share. So, I am not going to be afraid to say, "No, thank you." I am not going to eat something, simply because the people around me are eating. And in doing so - I think I will find my path.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
7 More Days...
I'm sure that there are people who look at the last seven days before surgery as their last seven days of freedom - freedom to eat whatever they want in the quantities they want. I'm choosing to look at it a different way - my last seven days imprisoned by this weight...so, I am being very, very cautious about the foods I am choosing - high protein, low carbs. Drinking the fluids like I should be. Avoiding difficult situations.
Obesity IS a prison - I cannot wear the clothes I want to wear. I can't wait until I can find a pair of jeans that fits! Or I can walk in and buy something off the rack - that doesn't look like a tent. I cannot do the things I want to do. Monday I did a lot of walking around the hospital, completing all of the pre-op stuff. I was exhausted Monday night, and even more so yesterday. I went to bed at 8:30 last night - and still had difficulty dragging myself out of bed this morning. It wasn't THAT much walking. I cannot travel like I want. I cannot even imagine not having to ask for a seat belt extender on a plane.
People are constantly asking me if I am excited - or nervous. I'm excited about the possibilities. But I'm nervous too - not so much about the surgery. I have had many surgeries, and this one sounds like it will be much less involved than most of my other surgeries. But nervous about afterwards - oh yes! Can I do this? Will I do this? I have to say, there are moments that I have my doubts. But I also have to say, I have never wanted anything like I want this. And I have friends who want this for me, too - they are constantly cheering for me, encouraging me, holding me accountable. I have a family who is behind this - my parents have been great, and will do everything they can to make this work for me. And my husband - wow - what a support he has been. He resisted this for a long time. He didn't want me to go through more surgery - and he knew some people who had walked this road, and for whatever reason - were not successful. But as things have fallen into place, he has seen a lot of success stories. He has gone with me to every doctor's appointment - asked many questions. He is my rock, and will be for a long time. And above all of this - I have my God. I'm trusting Him to wrap His arms around me and strengthen me. With all of these people behind me - how can I do anything but succeed?
Obesity IS a prison - I cannot wear the clothes I want to wear. I can't wait until I can find a pair of jeans that fits! Or I can walk in and buy something off the rack - that doesn't look like a tent. I cannot do the things I want to do. Monday I did a lot of walking around the hospital, completing all of the pre-op stuff. I was exhausted Monday night, and even more so yesterday. I went to bed at 8:30 last night - and still had difficulty dragging myself out of bed this morning. It wasn't THAT much walking. I cannot travel like I want. I cannot even imagine not having to ask for a seat belt extender on a plane.
People are constantly asking me if I am excited - or nervous. I'm excited about the possibilities. But I'm nervous too - not so much about the surgery. I have had many surgeries, and this one sounds like it will be much less involved than most of my other surgeries. But nervous about afterwards - oh yes! Can I do this? Will I do this? I have to say, there are moments that I have my doubts. But I also have to say, I have never wanted anything like I want this. And I have friends who want this for me, too - they are constantly cheering for me, encouraging me, holding me accountable. I have a family who is behind this - my parents have been great, and will do everything they can to make this work for me. And my husband - wow - what a support he has been. He resisted this for a long time. He didn't want me to go through more surgery - and he knew some people who had walked this road, and for whatever reason - were not successful. But as things have fallen into place, he has seen a lot of success stories. He has gone with me to every doctor's appointment - asked many questions. He is my rock, and will be for a long time. And above all of this - I have my God. I'm trusting Him to wrap His arms around me and strengthen me. With all of these people behind me - how can I do anything but succeed?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
8 Days and Counting
Surgery is 8 days away - I can't believe it. I'm excited about the possibilities, and a little nervous - nothing has EVER worked long term...can I REALLY do it this time? The surgery itself isn't bothering me; I've had so many through the years, and this will be my first laparascopic, so it should be easier than most I've had.
I finished pre-op yesterday. Everyone at Emory Midtown is wonderful. I was exhausted though - I walked all over the hospital yesterday - Lobby to ground floor, up to 14th floor, down to 8th floor, down to 7th floor, down to 4th floor, down to ground floor, and finally back up to 2nd floor. Yes, there were elevators, but not all elevators go to all floors, so I had to get to the elevators. But I sure know my way around the hospital now!
Dave gave me a fuzzy blanket covered in hearts for Valentine's Day. They said I could bring that, and my fuzzy robe, too. They make me feel all warm and snuggly, and I'm guessing I will want to feel that after surgery. I will stay in the hospital overnight - barring complications. Then I will have two week's recovery time.
I will take a picture on the day of surgery to post...
I finished pre-op yesterday. Everyone at Emory Midtown is wonderful. I was exhausted though - I walked all over the hospital yesterday - Lobby to ground floor, up to 14th floor, down to 8th floor, down to 7th floor, down to 4th floor, down to ground floor, and finally back up to 2nd floor. Yes, there were elevators, but not all elevators go to all floors, so I had to get to the elevators. But I sure know my way around the hospital now!
Dave gave me a fuzzy blanket covered in hearts for Valentine's Day. They said I could bring that, and my fuzzy robe, too. They make me feel all warm and snuggly, and I'm guessing I will want to feel that after surgery. I will stay in the hospital overnight - barring complications. Then I will have two week's recovery time.
I will take a picture on the day of surgery to post...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)