“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.” (Psalm 40:1-3, NIV)
I love reading the Psalms. There always seems to be something that fits my life, right here, right now. Today, this is my Psalm.
Right now, it feels like I’m in the slimy pit – in the mud and mire! I’m not the most graceful of creatures on a good day, but you add some slimy mud – and I’m doing some serious flopping around. My heart is aching from everything that has happened in recent weeks. Some things are much, much better. Some things are not better, yet – I miss my church family with every fiber of my being – but we have found somewhere to worship, a congregation where we can get involved, but still “blend into” the crowd for a while. We are seriously and diligently working on finances, and getting a job for Dave. There is a long road ahead.
What a promise and blessing this Psalm brings to my heart! “He set my feet on a rock…” – I’m not going to flounder and flop around in this muddy pit forever! “He put a new song in my mouth…” – the tears of recent weeks will turn to music, and just maybe, the music will be sweeter because there were tears. “Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.” When God brings me out on the other side of this – people will know that it wasn’t anything I did. It wasn’t anything Dave did. It was GOD, and GOD alone, who helped us through this. And if God can – would – did – help us, then just maybe, God will help these other people too!
I look forward to the day when this is behind me, when my heart praises God with a NEW SONG! Until that day, I will trust in Him – and I will “wait patiently” for the Lord.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Taking Stock
It has been a week full of pain – as we leave our dear family at FCCJ – there is pain in our hearts, and pain in the hearts of people we love so dearly. Knowing that we caused that pain hurts even more. It has also been a week full of encouragement – as people responded to us with cards and messages of love and prayer and support. There is concern, as Dave tries to find another job – even while the bills are still coming in. And there is always hope – because our God is truly bigger than anything in my life, and He is in control! And we will all come out on the other side of this stronger – and better able to trust in God!
There have been various rumors flying around us – as people try to understand the suddenness of our decision – and grasp at anything that makes some kind of sense out of something that they don’t understand. Rather than be angry or insulted by those rumors – I find myself sympathetic to the reason for them, and praying for peace to come to everyone who is hurting.
Perhaps right now, I shouldn’t focus on the weight loss journey I am on – focusing instead on Dave and friends who are hurting. And yet, I know that stepping away from this path will only lead to heartache – for me, for Dave, and for people who love me. I have already been there. So, I am continuing – doing my best to make smart choices – about food and exercise – watching for the reasons to celebrate even in the midst of all the heartache. This is not to make light of the pain in my heart and all around me, but it is a reminder that even in our sorrow, there is joy.
Please don’t stop praying for us! And please don’t stop celebrating the good things! And here is just one little thing to celebrate – I have lost 121.50 inches (10 feet, 1.5 inches). Blessings on you all!
There have been various rumors flying around us – as people try to understand the suddenness of our decision – and grasp at anything that makes some kind of sense out of something that they don’t understand. Rather than be angry or insulted by those rumors – I find myself sympathetic to the reason for them, and praying for peace to come to everyone who is hurting.
Perhaps right now, I shouldn’t focus on the weight loss journey I am on – focusing instead on Dave and friends who are hurting. And yet, I know that stepping away from this path will only lead to heartache – for me, for Dave, and for people who love me. I have already been there. So, I am continuing – doing my best to make smart choices – about food and exercise – watching for the reasons to celebrate even in the midst of all the heartache. This is not to make light of the pain in my heart and all around me, but it is a reminder that even in our sorrow, there is joy.
Please don’t stop praying for us! And please don’t stop celebrating the good things! And here is just one little thing to celebrate – I have lost 121.50 inches (10 feet, 1.5 inches). Blessings on you all!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Say the Word
Very early in my childhood, I was taught this little saying:
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
It’s a nice sentiment, but unfortunately, it just isn’t true. Names DO hurt. Words are incredibly powerful – and can do damage beyond mere sticks and stones. The secret is in how much power we give those words.
During my first marriage, my ex-husband told me frequently that I was stupid, and weak, and powerless. In reality, those things were not true, but actually, they became true, because I believed them. Those words colored everything in my life – both during the marriage, and for years after it ended. I didn’t leave an abusive situation because I was powerless. I didn’t assert my opinions because I was stupid. I didn’t stand up to him because I was weak. Even when I eventually proved all those things wrong by leaving, I still believed them. The damage was extensive, and the wounds took many years to heal. Only someone who has lived with this will understand, but I would rather have broken bones and bruises than the injuries caused by words.
But words can have just the opposite effect, as well. Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) tells us that, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When I am hurting and someone says, “I love you…I’m praying for you…I’m here for you” it eases the hurt. It may not take the hurt away completely, but it makes me feel less alone and less scared.
During this journey – there have been many, many kind, encouraging words: “You are doing great!” “Keep it up!” “We’re cheering for you!” There have been a few less kind words, but I think I did learn something from my first marriage – and that is to focus on the good, not the bad.
Yesterday was 48 weeks since my surgery. I have lost 129.4 pounds since surgery, and a total of 189.2 pounds! I’m rapidly closing in on my next goal: to lose 200 pounds total – only 10.8 more pounds to go!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
It’s a nice sentiment, but unfortunately, it just isn’t true. Names DO hurt. Words are incredibly powerful – and can do damage beyond mere sticks and stones. The secret is in how much power we give those words.
During my first marriage, my ex-husband told me frequently that I was stupid, and weak, and powerless. In reality, those things were not true, but actually, they became true, because I believed them. Those words colored everything in my life – both during the marriage, and for years after it ended. I didn’t leave an abusive situation because I was powerless. I didn’t assert my opinions because I was stupid. I didn’t stand up to him because I was weak. Even when I eventually proved all those things wrong by leaving, I still believed them. The damage was extensive, and the wounds took many years to heal. Only someone who has lived with this will understand, but I would rather have broken bones and bruises than the injuries caused by words.
But words can have just the opposite effect, as well. Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) tells us that, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When I am hurting and someone says, “I love you…I’m praying for you…I’m here for you” it eases the hurt. It may not take the hurt away completely, but it makes me feel less alone and less scared.
During this journey – there have been many, many kind, encouraging words: “You are doing great!” “Keep it up!” “We’re cheering for you!” There have been a few less kind words, but I think I did learn something from my first marriage – and that is to focus on the good, not the bad.
Yesterday was 48 weeks since my surgery. I have lost 129.4 pounds since surgery, and a total of 189.2 pounds! I’m rapidly closing in on my next goal: to lose 200 pounds total – only 10.8 more pounds to go!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A Mother's Love
When I think about a mother’s love, the story that comes to my mind is the story of Moses’ mother, from Exodus 2. The people of Egypt were under orders to throw all baby boys into the river. After giving birth to a boy, this woman hid him for three months. But children grow and start making noise – and soon she was not able to hide him any longer. We all know the story of how she put him in a basket, and how Pharaoh’s daughter found him. We may even know the story of how Moses’ sister watched, and was able to bring Moses’ mother to nurse the baby. But sometimes I think we overlook a huge part of this story – from Exodus 2:10 (NIV) – one short little verse reads, “When the child grew older, she took him to Pharaoh’s daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses, saying ‘I drew him out of the water.’”
His mother took her precious child and gave him to another woman to raise. She did what was best for her child, even though it must have broken her heart. It took tremendous strength of character and unimaginable love to do that.
I know that a mother’s love is an amazing thing. I have a mother who loves me dearly. And I know that if she possibly could, she would shield me from all of life’s hurts and disappointments. But I also know that my mother knows that would not be in my best interest. So, she has given me a wonderful gift – she has taught me how to be strong, in adversity, in disappointment, in life. I have watched her survive heartache. I have seen her beat physical problems. I have admired her as she embodies strength.
Throughout this journey, I have had many people comment about my personal strength. I must confess, I do not often feel strong. People tell me I’m brave. I do not feel brave. However, if I am any of those things, I know that it is because I have watched my mother. Thanks, Mom.
His mother took her precious child and gave him to another woman to raise. She did what was best for her child, even though it must have broken her heart. It took tremendous strength of character and unimaginable love to do that.
I know that a mother’s love is an amazing thing. I have a mother who loves me dearly. And I know that if she possibly could, she would shield me from all of life’s hurts and disappointments. But I also know that my mother knows that would not be in my best interest. So, she has given me a wonderful gift – she has taught me how to be strong, in adversity, in disappointment, in life. I have watched her survive heartache. I have seen her beat physical problems. I have admired her as she embodies strength.
Throughout this journey, I have had many people comment about my personal strength. I must confess, I do not often feel strong. People tell me I’m brave. I do not feel brave. However, if I am any of those things, I know that it is because I have watched my mother. Thanks, Mom.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Change is Difficult
Change is difficult – there is no way around that. Sometimes, change is expected, as was the case with my weight loss after surgery. I thought about it for years. I prayed - for guidance, for strength, for support. I researched – different surgeries, various surgeons, and hospitals. I talked about it – with friends, with family, with people who had already had the surgery. I planned for it. I committed to the surgery, and to the necessary life changes that had to happen after the surgery. And when I finally had the surgery – the expected change came about. I lost weight (and continue to lose).
But sometimes, change hits us out of nowhere – and there isn’t anything we can do about it. That happened this past week, for both me and Dave, but also for a lot of people that we love dearly. Dave resigned his position at FCCJ. The decision came quickly – and I know that it hit hard. There are many, many emotions all tangled up in this decision, and most of the people who are affected by this decision had no choice in the matter. It breaks our hearts that we hurt people we love.
One thing that will NOT change is how Dave and I feel about the wonderful family at FCCJ. We both love you all – and you have been support and encouragement to us through our time at FCCJ. We will always think of you as family. We will always pray that God will continue to work in your lives – showing love to the congregation and the world outside FCCJ. And we will always hold you in a very special place in our hearts.
The people who have contacted us have been supportive, to say the least. Their love and support of us has come through when we needed it most – even though there are unanswered questions and hurting hearts and worry and concern. We pray that God will quickly heal those hurting places – and will guide everyone at FCCJ through the upcoming months.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV) We may not know what the future is going to bring. We may not understand the current circumstances in which we find ourselves. But no matter what, God is bigger than anything we are going through, and He holds our future securely in His hand!
But sometimes, change hits us out of nowhere – and there isn’t anything we can do about it. That happened this past week, for both me and Dave, but also for a lot of people that we love dearly. Dave resigned his position at FCCJ. The decision came quickly – and I know that it hit hard. There are many, many emotions all tangled up in this decision, and most of the people who are affected by this decision had no choice in the matter. It breaks our hearts that we hurt people we love.
One thing that will NOT change is how Dave and I feel about the wonderful family at FCCJ. We both love you all – and you have been support and encouragement to us through our time at FCCJ. We will always think of you as family. We will always pray that God will continue to work in your lives – showing love to the congregation and the world outside FCCJ. And we will always hold you in a very special place in our hearts.
The people who have contacted us have been supportive, to say the least. Their love and support of us has come through when we needed it most – even though there are unanswered questions and hurting hearts and worry and concern. We pray that God will quickly heal those hurting places – and will guide everyone at FCCJ through the upcoming months.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV) We may not know what the future is going to bring. We may not understand the current circumstances in which we find ourselves. But no matter what, God is bigger than anything we are going through, and He holds our future securely in His hand!
Friday, January 21, 2011
No More Tears
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4, NIV)
I long for the day when there are no more tears. I started crying when I turned 10, and I haven’t stopped. Sometimes, I’m embarrassed when I cry. Sometimes I feel cleansed when I cry. Sometimes the tears turn into hiccups. But seldom do I like crying, even the times when afterwards I feel better.
Scientists have discovered there really can be some benefit to tears. They have analyzed the chemical components of three basic types of tears: basal tears (what keeps your eyes lubricated), irritant tears (what happens when you get something in your eye, like a tiny piece of dust), and emotional tears. Of course, the tears I am most interested in are the emotional tears. The finding is that these tears contain a much higher concentration of proteins – the hormones that build up to high levels when the body is under stress. Without tears, these levels could quickly build up to toxic levels.
How amazing is our God that He provides a way to release quickly those potential toxins from our bodies? And in such a way that it signals our distress to other people around us? And humans are the only creatures on earth that cry emotional tears. Despite my discomfort, it would seem that once again, God knew what He was doing.
But He doesn’t leave us trying to negotiate the tears on own. He gives us a promise, that one day – there will be no more tears. I can’t wait!
As of today, I have lost 125.8 pounds since surgery, and 185.6 pounds total!
I long for the day when there are no more tears. I started crying when I turned 10, and I haven’t stopped. Sometimes, I’m embarrassed when I cry. Sometimes I feel cleansed when I cry. Sometimes the tears turn into hiccups. But seldom do I like crying, even the times when afterwards I feel better.
Scientists have discovered there really can be some benefit to tears. They have analyzed the chemical components of three basic types of tears: basal tears (what keeps your eyes lubricated), irritant tears (what happens when you get something in your eye, like a tiny piece of dust), and emotional tears. Of course, the tears I am most interested in are the emotional tears. The finding is that these tears contain a much higher concentration of proteins – the hormones that build up to high levels when the body is under stress. Without tears, these levels could quickly build up to toxic levels.
How amazing is our God that He provides a way to release quickly those potential toxins from our bodies? And in such a way that it signals our distress to other people around us? And humans are the only creatures on earth that cry emotional tears. Despite my discomfort, it would seem that once again, God knew what He was doing.
But He doesn’t leave us trying to negotiate the tears on own. He gives us a promise, that one day – there will be no more tears. I can’t wait!
As of today, I have lost 125.8 pounds since surgery, and 185.6 pounds total!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Holding Daddy's Hand
When I was a little girl, I was absolutely fearless, that is, as long as I was holding my Daddy’s hand, because I knew that my Daddy was a superhero – and he could protect me from anything – monsters – bad guys – natural disasters. I would ride any ride at the amusement park with him – try anything new – it didn’t matter, Daddy was there. Alas, I grew up, and I finally understood that though he might be a superhero to me, to the rest of the world he was fairly ordinary, and bullets wouldn’t bounce off him, and he couldn’t save me if the rollercoaster jumped track. And I learned the meaning of fear.
But even though I knew these things, there was something very comforting about holding Daddy’s hand, and feeling his strength and protection and love. And while he might not be able to save me from everything, he would protect me with his very life, if need be. And he is still my superhero.
I remember once when I was in high school, there was a mix-up with my Mom about a ride home from school. I frequently walked to her workplace after school, and rode home with her. She had gone home early for some reason – and she wasn’t there when I arrived. I had to walk for quite a ways to find a phone to call home (back in the days BEFORE cell phones). As soon as she got home, she realized what had happened – and sent Dad back to get me. He came looking for me, and teenager or not, I held his hand all the way back to the car. I was scared before he got there, but I was fine holding his hand.
That picture of being safe holding Dad’s hand is the picture I hold from my favorite scripture:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10, NIV)
But even though I knew these things, there was something very comforting about holding Daddy’s hand, and feeling his strength and protection and love. And while he might not be able to save me from everything, he would protect me with his very life, if need be. And he is still my superhero.
I remember once when I was in high school, there was a mix-up with my Mom about a ride home from school. I frequently walked to her workplace after school, and rode home with her. She had gone home early for some reason – and she wasn’t there when I arrived. I had to walk for quite a ways to find a phone to call home (back in the days BEFORE cell phones). As soon as she got home, she realized what had happened – and sent Dad back to get me. He came looking for me, and teenager or not, I held his hand all the way back to the car. I was scared before he got there, but I was fine holding his hand.
That picture of being safe holding Dad’s hand is the picture I hold from my favorite scripture:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10, NIV)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Apology
I apologize that I have not blogged in a couple of days. Things in my world have turned upside down, inside out, and all topsy-turvy. The story is not mine to tell, although it does affect me significantly. Suffice it to say that I am not quite myself right now, and that I covet your prayers.
But through all the turmoil, an amazing thing has happened. I have not turned to food – not one time. And honestly, I have probably eaten less than I should have. Where once I would have stuffed myself almost to the point of being sick – this time I never even considered food as a source of comfort or anything else. This is a major breakthrough in my life, and I’m grateful.
Thank you for loving me. Please don’t ever stop.
But through all the turmoil, an amazing thing has happened. I have not turned to food – not one time. And honestly, I have probably eaten less than I should have. Where once I would have stuffed myself almost to the point of being sick – this time I never even considered food as a source of comfort or anything else. This is a major breakthrough in my life, and I’m grateful.
Thank you for loving me. Please don’t ever stop.
Friday, January 14, 2011
A Husband's Perspective
Sometimes it is easy to find something to blog about. Other days, not so much. Today is one of those “other” days. So, I asked my husband what he wished I had done differently since the surgery. He told me that he doesn’t think I should have done ANYTHING differently since surgery – in fact, he told me that I seem to be doing everything right – just look at the results. Hmmm, nice thoughts, but not much help when it comes to the blog.
So, I asked him what he wished I had done differently BEFORE the surgery. His answer surprised me. He said he wished I had done it sooner. The surprising thing about that is he resisted the surgery for a long, long time. I have been thinking about it for years, researching it, and talking about it. I knew that I couldn’t make this journey without his support – and for a long time, his stock answer to my questions was that he did not want me to go through more surgery. It is true – I have had more than my fair share of surgeries in my life – starting all the way back when I was 18 months old and had my tonsils removed. I know how difficult it is to sit in the waiting room while someone you love is having surgery. And he has waited many times and many hours for me.
What a blessing that he finally got the answers and reassurance that he needed to support fully this journey. He has been great – my number one cheerleader! Thank you, Dave, for all you do to make this a reality for me. He gets a lot of “second-hand” attention from all of this (much better, by the way, than second-hand smoke). One question that people ask him repeatedly is, “How do you like your new wife?” He seems to take great pride in saying, “She’s half the woman she used to be.” (Not exactly true, but close, and getting closer – it won’t be long now!)
So, I asked him what he wished I had done differently BEFORE the surgery. His answer surprised me. He said he wished I had done it sooner. The surprising thing about that is he resisted the surgery for a long, long time. I have been thinking about it for years, researching it, and talking about it. I knew that I couldn’t make this journey without his support – and for a long time, his stock answer to my questions was that he did not want me to go through more surgery. It is true – I have had more than my fair share of surgeries in my life – starting all the way back when I was 18 months old and had my tonsils removed. I know how difficult it is to sit in the waiting room while someone you love is having surgery. And he has waited many times and many hours for me.
What a blessing that he finally got the answers and reassurance that he needed to support fully this journey. He has been great – my number one cheerleader! Thank you, Dave, for all you do to make this a reality for me. He gets a lot of “second-hand” attention from all of this (much better, by the way, than second-hand smoke). One question that people ask him repeatedly is, “How do you like your new wife?” He seems to take great pride in saying, “She’s half the woman she used to be.” (Not exactly true, but close, and getting closer – it won’t be long now!)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sad Nineteen
There is a song that says, “One is the loneliest number…” Well, I think that nineteen is a close second. Think about it – no one ever sells things in groups of nineteen – it’s six, or eight, or ten, or a dozen, or a baker’s dozen. Who would buy nineteen hot dog buns, for example? When you think about nineteen as an age, well that’s just sad, too. Still a teenager, barely, but not one of the fun ages – like 13 (I’m a teenager – finally!) – or sweet 16 – or 18. And nineteen doesn’t technically qualify as an adult.
This morning, nineteen was the number in my van indicating the temperature outside (in Fahrenheit). Now, I have many friends in lands far away to the north that would not be surprised to see a thermometer reading nineteen. In fact, some might be excited to see the temperature climb UP to nineteen. But here in Hotlanta, we are NOT prepared for this kind of sustained cold. Heat we can handle – every car and every building has air-conditioning. We have a plethora of short-sleeved and sleeveless clothing. Shorts, capris, bathing suits, flip-flops – we have it all! I seriously doubt anyone down here knows what a block heater is – or has one installed on his or her car (unless the person moved here from the frozen tundra). We might have a jacket, but very people have parkas. We do occasionally wear hats and scarves and gloves – but the emphasis is far more on style than warmth.
I think my body has gone into hibernation. I used to LOVE the cold, but that was before I actually FELT the cold. I could play outside and never think anything about it. My hands, my feet, and my face would get cold – but the rest of me would stay warm. Those days are long gone. I should be a grizzly bear – taking a long winter nap – barely moving – snuggled up in my warm cave. (Of course, there are days that my husband might say I AM a grizzly bear.)
Unfortunately, hibernating is not good for my weight loss, even if it IS what I want to do. Much better to get outside (bundled warmly, of course) – move around – expend some energy. It takes a lot more calories to do this in the winter, because not only do you use the calories for the movement, but also because you expend calories just to stay warm. And the bottom line remains, the only way to lose weight is to spend more calories than you take in.
So here’s to winter – and to nineteen degrees – and to making good choices.
This morning, nineteen was the number in my van indicating the temperature outside (in Fahrenheit). Now, I have many friends in lands far away to the north that would not be surprised to see a thermometer reading nineteen. In fact, some might be excited to see the temperature climb UP to nineteen. But here in Hotlanta, we are NOT prepared for this kind of sustained cold. Heat we can handle – every car and every building has air-conditioning. We have a plethora of short-sleeved and sleeveless clothing. Shorts, capris, bathing suits, flip-flops – we have it all! I seriously doubt anyone down here knows what a block heater is – or has one installed on his or her car (unless the person moved here from the frozen tundra). We might have a jacket, but very people have parkas. We do occasionally wear hats and scarves and gloves – but the emphasis is far more on style than warmth.
I think my body has gone into hibernation. I used to LOVE the cold, but that was before I actually FELT the cold. I could play outside and never think anything about it. My hands, my feet, and my face would get cold – but the rest of me would stay warm. Those days are long gone. I should be a grizzly bear – taking a long winter nap – barely moving – snuggled up in my warm cave. (Of course, there are days that my husband might say I AM a grizzly bear.)
Unfortunately, hibernating is not good for my weight loss, even if it IS what I want to do. Much better to get outside (bundled warmly, of course) – move around – expend some energy. It takes a lot more calories to do this in the winter, because not only do you use the calories for the movement, but also because you expend calories just to stay warm. And the bottom line remains, the only way to lose weight is to spend more calories than you take in.
So here’s to winter – and to nineteen degrees – and to making good choices.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
BRRRR!!!
Well, it’s official – down here in the south, we don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout driving in winter! We so seldom have any kind of winter problems, usually once a decade or so. It doesn’t make sense to maintain a fleet of equipment and personnel for something that only happens once every 10 years – but that means, when it DOES happen, it literally shuts down Atlanta. We were blessed beyond belief to have snow on Christmas Day – I cannot remember the last time that happened. But that snow came – was pretty for a day – and then it was gone. This time (just over a week later) it started with snow on Sunday evening, then switched over to ice – sleet – freezing rain. It has not been pretty – not at all. And because we do not have the resources to deal with it – either equipment/sand/salt or people – Atlanta has officially been closed for the last two days. On our side of town, we saw more ice than snow – and we had ¾ inch of the ice, on top of the inch or so of snow.
All of the major highways – I-285, I-75, I-85 and I-20 – were completely closed in various spots. And if the highways were bad, the secondary streets were far worse. I stayed home in my pajamas on Monday and Tuesday, but came into work today. It took us nearly as long to get to work AFTER we got off the highway (maybe three miles) as it did to come all the way from the south side (something like 30 or 35 miles). And there seem to be two kinds of people driving in Atlanta today – the people who are really, really scared, and driving 10 miles an hour on the highway – and the people who think they are safe no matter what – and insist on passing everyone and driving like there is nothing wrong whatsoever. Both kinds of people are dangerous.
Two pajama days in a row are a rare treat. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere – so it didn’t matter if I stayed in my warm pj’s. I must confess, though – by the end of the second day – I was getting cabin fever. I didn’t see anyone except for Dave and the cats – and though I love them all – I need to occasionally be around other people.
It has not been so good for my weight, either. I used the excuse of the snow and the ice to stay pretty sedentary – and that is NOT a good thing. No great harm done, but no advances made, either. Just being at work means that I will be more active – and being more active means that I will be burning more calories. (And I have question that no one seems to be able to answer: We totally ignore the meteorologist when he says anything here in the south, until he mentions the “s” word – and then we go into a panic? WHY???)
All of the major highways – I-285, I-75, I-85 and I-20 – were completely closed in various spots. And if the highways were bad, the secondary streets were far worse. I stayed home in my pajamas on Monday and Tuesday, but came into work today. It took us nearly as long to get to work AFTER we got off the highway (maybe three miles) as it did to come all the way from the south side (something like 30 or 35 miles). And there seem to be two kinds of people driving in Atlanta today – the people who are really, really scared, and driving 10 miles an hour on the highway – and the people who think they are safe no matter what – and insist on passing everyone and driving like there is nothing wrong whatsoever. Both kinds of people are dangerous.
Two pajama days in a row are a rare treat. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere – so it didn’t matter if I stayed in my warm pj’s. I must confess, though – by the end of the second day – I was getting cabin fever. I didn’t see anyone except for Dave and the cats – and though I love them all – I need to occasionally be around other people.
It has not been so good for my weight, either. I used the excuse of the snow and the ice to stay pretty sedentary – and that is NOT a good thing. No great harm done, but no advances made, either. Just being at work means that I will be more active – and being more active means that I will be burning more calories. (And I have question that no one seems to be able to answer: We totally ignore the meteorologist when he says anything here in the south, until he mentions the “s” word – and then we go into a panic? WHY???)
Friday, January 7, 2011
Have You Read This???
“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food...” (Romans 14:17-20, NIV)
In context, this chapter is specifically talking about the choices people make about “disputable matters”: eating meat versus eating only vegetables, for instance, or whether or not to observe one day as sacred above the others. The entire focus of the chapter is to stop judging each other – and to make the choice not to be an obstacle to a brother or a sister.
I have read this passage many times in my life, but I must confess, until now, I have never really thought about how my eating habits could be an obstacle to someone else. We no longer practice animal sacrifice – and beyond that, I just never thought about it. Maybe someone has struggled or is struggling with addiction. My struggle with an addiction to food could certainly be a stumbling block for that person. My lack of control when it came to food might cause someone else to reason that if it is OK for me, the same lack of control in a different area would be OK for them. Maybe my massive size blocked someone from seeing Jesus at all.
The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking – or a matter of anything temporary. I sure get this backwards sometimes…I treat the temporary things in life as the most important things, and the eternal things as if they were only temporary. God, please forgive me!
On the other hand, if my poor eating habits can become a hindrance to someone, then changing that part of my life can possibly become an encouragement. If I can work through these things – then someone else can do it, too! And I can be a cheerleader for a friend or a family member, the way so many people have been cheerleaders for me. I pray that God will use this journey – and I believe He already it using it.
In context, this chapter is specifically talking about the choices people make about “disputable matters”: eating meat versus eating only vegetables, for instance, or whether or not to observe one day as sacred above the others. The entire focus of the chapter is to stop judging each other – and to make the choice not to be an obstacle to a brother or a sister.
I have read this passage many times in my life, but I must confess, until now, I have never really thought about how my eating habits could be an obstacle to someone else. We no longer practice animal sacrifice – and beyond that, I just never thought about it. Maybe someone has struggled or is struggling with addiction. My struggle with an addiction to food could certainly be a stumbling block for that person. My lack of control when it came to food might cause someone else to reason that if it is OK for me, the same lack of control in a different area would be OK for them. Maybe my massive size blocked someone from seeing Jesus at all.
The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking – or a matter of anything temporary. I sure get this backwards sometimes…I treat the temporary things in life as the most important things, and the eternal things as if they were only temporary. God, please forgive me!
On the other hand, if my poor eating habits can become a hindrance to someone, then changing that part of my life can possibly become an encouragement. If I can work through these things – then someone else can do it, too! And I can be a cheerleader for a friend or a family member, the way so many people have been cheerleaders for me. I pray that God will use this journey – and I believe He already it using it.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Warm Fuzzy Feelings
I have been amazed at the support I have received throughout this journey – not because I’m surprised that the people in my life are supportive – most everyone I know really wants to help other people. I’m surprised because at some level I have always felt that somehow I didn’t quite deserve it.
Last night – a dear friend loaned me a bunch of sweaters. Given that I spend so much time freezing now, this gift is more than a nice gesture…it’s quite possibly the best thing anyone could ever do for me. And the warmth doesn’t just surround my body when I wear the sweaters – it surrounds my heart and soul – and makes me feel loved.
Is there any better feeling in the world than feeling loved? I’m not talking about “romantic” love – I’m talking about the through thick and thin – good times and bad – deep love. This is the kind of love that happens with good friends, or between parents and a child. It’s the kind of love that says, “YOU ARE SPECIAL.” Isn’t that truly one of the desires of every heart? I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who show that kind of love all the time.
I had a dream the other night about my ex-husband. He showed up at my door to apologize and make amends as part of a 12-step recovery program. (For the record, I know that should he ever seriously go through a 12-step program, it might very well happen that he does show up on my doorstep.) During the conversation in my dream, I made the statement, “I’m not the same person you were married to.” Upon reflection, I realized that not only am I a different person from the one he married, but I’m also a different person than I was when I started this journey following weight loss surgery. I started with “I hope I can do this” and “Maybe this time will be different.” Now, I’m saying, “Look how far I’ve come.” Even more importantly, I’m saying, “I couldn’t have done this without the support and encouragement of so many people in my life.” I know that I’m not “there” yet. And I know that when I get “there” the struggle will not be finished. This is a commitment for the rest of my life. I may not deserve the support and love from the people in my life – but I will be eternally grateful that they unselfishly give that love and support anyway. I LOVE YOU ALL!
Last night – a dear friend loaned me a bunch of sweaters. Given that I spend so much time freezing now, this gift is more than a nice gesture…it’s quite possibly the best thing anyone could ever do for me. And the warmth doesn’t just surround my body when I wear the sweaters – it surrounds my heart and soul – and makes me feel loved.
Is there any better feeling in the world than feeling loved? I’m not talking about “romantic” love – I’m talking about the through thick and thin – good times and bad – deep love. This is the kind of love that happens with good friends, or between parents and a child. It’s the kind of love that says, “YOU ARE SPECIAL.” Isn’t that truly one of the desires of every heart? I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who show that kind of love all the time.
I had a dream the other night about my ex-husband. He showed up at my door to apologize and make amends as part of a 12-step recovery program. (For the record, I know that should he ever seriously go through a 12-step program, it might very well happen that he does show up on my doorstep.) During the conversation in my dream, I made the statement, “I’m not the same person you were married to.” Upon reflection, I realized that not only am I a different person from the one he married, but I’m also a different person than I was when I started this journey following weight loss surgery. I started with “I hope I can do this” and “Maybe this time will be different.” Now, I’m saying, “Look how far I’ve come.” Even more importantly, I’m saying, “I couldn’t have done this without the support and encouragement of so many people in my life.” I know that I’m not “there” yet. And I know that when I get “there” the struggle will not be finished. This is a commitment for the rest of my life. I may not deserve the support and love from the people in my life – but I will be eternally grateful that they unselfishly give that love and support anyway. I LOVE YOU ALL!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
A Visit with the Cardiologist
While I was checking in and paying my co-pay at the cardiologist’s this morning, his nurse arrived for work. She stopped to talk me – and tell me that she had been thinking about me. That made me feel good. She has been a huge cheerleader, and can’t wait until I get on the scale at every visit, just so she can see how much weight I’ve lost.
Everything went well at the doctor’s office – with the exception that they are concerned about my low blood pressure. This morning it was 80/60 – and didn’t get any higher than that while I was there. I survive fine at that pressure, but if it goes lower, I do get really dizzy. The doctor told me to keep an eye on it, and if necessary, we will back off on one of the heart medicines.
My Mom also went to the doctor today – they took her out of the brace, and removed the staples. She still has to keep her arm in a sling – but the sling is much more comfortable than the brace, so she is pretty excited about that. She will start physical therapy next week. All in all, she is in much better spirits today than she was yesterday.
Someone made a comment to me yesterday, and it has stuck in my brain all day. She said, “If I had cancer, or needed an operation, I would be doing that so quickly – and I would push until the issue is resolved.” (OK – I paraphrased, but that is the gist of what she said.) She went on to add, “But even though they have told me I need to lose weight for my heart, I just don’t make myself do it.” I wonder how many people are in that exact same place – I know that I was there for years. And it’s not just for the heart – diabetes – female troubles – various forms of arthritis – kidney problems – breathing problems…the list goes on and on with things that are aggravated, at the very least, by excess weight, and many of these things are directly linked to the excess weight. We tend to put off making the necessary changes that will ultimately make us feel better. I wish I had an answer.
Everything went well at the doctor’s office – with the exception that they are concerned about my low blood pressure. This morning it was 80/60 – and didn’t get any higher than that while I was there. I survive fine at that pressure, but if it goes lower, I do get really dizzy. The doctor told me to keep an eye on it, and if necessary, we will back off on one of the heart medicines.
My Mom also went to the doctor today – they took her out of the brace, and removed the staples. She still has to keep her arm in a sling – but the sling is much more comfortable than the brace, so she is pretty excited about that. She will start physical therapy next week. All in all, she is in much better spirits today than she was yesterday.
Someone made a comment to me yesterday, and it has stuck in my brain all day. She said, “If I had cancer, or needed an operation, I would be doing that so quickly – and I would push until the issue is resolved.” (OK – I paraphrased, but that is the gist of what she said.) She went on to add, “But even though they have told me I need to lose weight for my heart, I just don’t make myself do it.” I wonder how many people are in that exact same place – I know that I was there for years. And it’s not just for the heart – diabetes – female troubles – various forms of arthritis – kidney problems – breathing problems…the list goes on and on with things that are aggravated, at the very least, by excess weight, and many of these things are directly linked to the excess weight. We tend to put off making the necessary changes that will ultimately make us feel better. I wish I had an answer.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sticking Out Like a Sore Thumb
Most of the time, I have two relatively normal thumbs – a matching set. They work like they are supposed to work, they appear rather ordinary (except for the freakishly soft skin), and I don’t think very much about them. However, if I injure one of those thumbs – hitting it with a hammer, burning it, slicing it – I swear the wounded digit grows several inches in all directions, and I cannot seem to avoid bumping it, catching it on something, or hurting it in other ways.
My Mom supervised the cooking of Christmas dinner on Saturday – since her shoulder is still incapacitated. For the record, she is as good a supervisor as she is a cook. With the ham, she wanted to have scalloped potatoes. None of the cooks helping prepare the meal had ever fixed scalloped potatoes before (why would we when she does such a wonderful job?), so she was instructing us. Part of the secret is to have uniformly slices potatoes. To accomplish this, my Mom has a mandolin – not the homemade instrument often found in a blue grass band, but a very lethal, very sharp blade in a sort of tray. When used properly, it makes perfect potato slices for scalloped potatoes. I’m not sure what she was thinking, but Mom said to me, “I always slice the potatoes down some, and then I use the thing to protect your fingers from the blade. Just be careful.” Well, if there is a way to maim my body, I will usually find it, and Saturday was no exception. Two minutes into the slicing endeavor, I sliced my thumb. Understand that this is a really SHARP blade – and that there are probably all kinds of warnings on box (which I didn’t see). I sliced a chunk out of my thumb – although it was uniform with the potatoes. I quickly ran it under some water, grabbed a paper towel, and tried to stop the bleeding. My Dad ran and brought back all kinds of bandages, and fixed me up. Then I was officially taken off potato slicing duty. (My Dad was second choice – and wouldn’t you know it – within two minutes he sliced HIS thumb. Our family is so close – that matching father/daughter injuries happen – and this wasn’t the first time.)
Fast forward to this morning. After my shower this morning – the bandage came off. And that stupid thumb got in the way of everything. I hit it – I bumped it – and I caught the little flap of skin – so much so that I started bleeding all over again. And I had to wake Dave up to help me get a bandage back on it – because it’s on my right hand, and I can’t do anything one-handed. And now it’s throbbing – like the cartoon character who hits his thumb. Sigh.
It’s never a good idea for someone as klutzy as me to ignore warnings. I should have used the protector right from the beginning. I thought I could handle it just like Mom, but I was wrong. (She actually finished the potatoes, one-handed – with someone holding the mandolin still – and she didn’t slice any fingers, or other body parts.) But I’m good at ignoring warnings – I have ignored warnings, both general and specific, about my weight for years. Fortunately, I’m doing better now. And if I can get this thumb healed, I promise I will always use the protector – if anyone ever lets me slice anything again!
Just a side note – we went out and spent some Christmas money last night. One of the things I bought was a new suit – SIZE 18! The pants are just a little snug – although I could sit comfortably in them – so I may not wear it until I lose another five pounds or so – but man, it feels good to be down that far!
My Mom supervised the cooking of Christmas dinner on Saturday – since her shoulder is still incapacitated. For the record, she is as good a supervisor as she is a cook. With the ham, she wanted to have scalloped potatoes. None of the cooks helping prepare the meal had ever fixed scalloped potatoes before (why would we when she does such a wonderful job?), so she was instructing us. Part of the secret is to have uniformly slices potatoes. To accomplish this, my Mom has a mandolin – not the homemade instrument often found in a blue grass band, but a very lethal, very sharp blade in a sort of tray. When used properly, it makes perfect potato slices for scalloped potatoes. I’m not sure what she was thinking, but Mom said to me, “I always slice the potatoes down some, and then I use the thing to protect your fingers from the blade. Just be careful.” Well, if there is a way to maim my body, I will usually find it, and Saturday was no exception. Two minutes into the slicing endeavor, I sliced my thumb. Understand that this is a really SHARP blade – and that there are probably all kinds of warnings on box (which I didn’t see). I sliced a chunk out of my thumb – although it was uniform with the potatoes. I quickly ran it under some water, grabbed a paper towel, and tried to stop the bleeding. My Dad ran and brought back all kinds of bandages, and fixed me up. Then I was officially taken off potato slicing duty. (My Dad was second choice – and wouldn’t you know it – within two minutes he sliced HIS thumb. Our family is so close – that matching father/daughter injuries happen – and this wasn’t the first time.)
Fast forward to this morning. After my shower this morning – the bandage came off. And that stupid thumb got in the way of everything. I hit it – I bumped it – and I caught the little flap of skin – so much so that I started bleeding all over again. And I had to wake Dave up to help me get a bandage back on it – because it’s on my right hand, and I can’t do anything one-handed. And now it’s throbbing – like the cartoon character who hits his thumb. Sigh.
It’s never a good idea for someone as klutzy as me to ignore warnings. I should have used the protector right from the beginning. I thought I could handle it just like Mom, but I was wrong. (She actually finished the potatoes, one-handed – with someone holding the mandolin still – and she didn’t slice any fingers, or other body parts.) But I’m good at ignoring warnings – I have ignored warnings, both general and specific, about my weight for years. Fortunately, I’m doing better now. And if I can get this thumb healed, I promise I will always use the protector – if anyone ever lets me slice anything again!
Just a side note – we went out and spent some Christmas money last night. One of the things I bought was a new suit – SIZE 18! The pants are just a little snug – although I could sit comfortably in them – so I may not wear it until I lose another five pounds or so – but man, it feels good to be down that far!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Happy New Year!
Where did 2010 go??? Somehow, when I wasn’t looking – the year just flew by. And here we are, turning a new page on the calendar – packing up the old, getting ready for the new…
Traditionally, this is the time of year when people make resolutions. I have always shied away from doing that, because I am so very bad at keeping resolutions. I almost always break the resolution before the first day is out. That makes me feel guilty – and then I have always tried to eat away the guilty feelings – and since eating was usually what the resolution was about in the first place, it was just a vicious cycle. There is absolutely NO WAY to feel good when you are trapped in that cycle. And that is the problem with diets – whether they are the traditional New Year’s Resolution Diet – or any one of the thousands of other diets – Atkins, diabetic, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem…all of them are designed as a TEMPORARY fix – not a lifestyle change. Realistically, everyone will go off the diets – because the diets are not meant to sustain long term. And going off the diet generally triggers the guilt…
Yesterday at church, someone said to me, “You just keep getting prettier and prettier.” That made me pause – I have never been the “pretty” one. I’m not even sure that I have ever wanted to be the “pretty” one. I certainly don’t think of myself that way – and while it was really nice for him to say it – in my head, I pretty much chalked it up to flattery from one of my little old men. I love him for saying it, but I’m fully aware that it is probably just him being nice. And yet…and yet, in my heart of hearts, I think I want someone to think of me as pretty. No worries – I’m not going out to enter any beauty pageants. I’m not going to be getting headshots to take to a modeling agency. But if someone tells me I’m pretty – I’m not going to argue.
Happy New Year to everyone!
Traditionally, this is the time of year when people make resolutions. I have always shied away from doing that, because I am so very bad at keeping resolutions. I almost always break the resolution before the first day is out. That makes me feel guilty – and then I have always tried to eat away the guilty feelings – and since eating was usually what the resolution was about in the first place, it was just a vicious cycle. There is absolutely NO WAY to feel good when you are trapped in that cycle. And that is the problem with diets – whether they are the traditional New Year’s Resolution Diet – or any one of the thousands of other diets – Atkins, diabetic, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem…all of them are designed as a TEMPORARY fix – not a lifestyle change. Realistically, everyone will go off the diets – because the diets are not meant to sustain long term. And going off the diet generally triggers the guilt…
Yesterday at church, someone said to me, “You just keep getting prettier and prettier.” That made me pause – I have never been the “pretty” one. I’m not even sure that I have ever wanted to be the “pretty” one. I certainly don’t think of myself that way – and while it was really nice for him to say it – in my head, I pretty much chalked it up to flattery from one of my little old men. I love him for saying it, but I’m fully aware that it is probably just him being nice. And yet…and yet, in my heart of hearts, I think I want someone to think of me as pretty. No worries – I’m not going out to enter any beauty pageants. I’m not going to be getting headshots to take to a modeling agency. But if someone tells me I’m pretty – I’m not going to argue.
Happy New Year to everyone!
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