Make Up Your Mind!

Apparently, my thermostat was reset when we went to Florida last weekend. Since August – I have been freezing - every day – all day. I have been dressing in layers – bundling up with hoodies and socks and boots. Now, all of the sudden, I am vacillating between extreme hot and extreme cold…never anything in between. One minute I’m bundling up – zipping up my hoodie, and the next, I’m stripping down to the barest minimum, and sweating like crazy. I can’t even tell you which I prefer – if I’m hot, all I think of is getting cool, somehow; and when I’m cold – all I can think of is blessed warmth. I’m pretty sure I’m going to drive everyone around me crazy in a very short period of time. I’m already driving myself crazy with this! At least if you are one or the other – you KNOW what it is going to be – and you KNOW how to dress.

What makes this particularly weird is that I have to be prepared for everything! So, I have to carry layers with me – ready at a moment’s notice to whip a jacket or a blanket or extra socks on or off. And that gets to be burdensome after a while. People are sometimes very concerned because they fear I am not well – but I truly believe it is just my body learning to adjust the weight loss.

Another thing I’m having difficulty adjusting to is the comments made by people around me. A co-worker, who sits in the next cubicle, and who sees me every single day followed me into my boss’ office on Friday. He said, (and this is a direct quote – so pardon the French) “D*mn Teri! You are as skinny as h*ll!” That honestly just made me laugh – he was so surprised!

I’m pretty sure that eventually – both the temperature extremes and the comments will die down. I am seriously looking forward to the former, and maybe not so much the latter, but adjusting seems to be part of this process, and I’m sure that I will find a way to make that happen.

Now What?

What do you blog about the day after your surgiversary? I thought about a number of things: things accomplished? Done. Goals for the next year: Done. Changes in my body, or mind: Done and done. So, I’m randomly picking a topic, and just going with it.

If anyone ever has to identify my lifeless body, I have enough scars to make it easy. I have had three abdominal surgeries where I was cut top to bottom. I have had two pacemaker surgeries, but only have one scar there because they cut in the same place. I have the small scars on my belly from my gastric surgery. I have a scar under my chin that I got when I split it open after jumping off a chest-style freezer (but everyone else was doing it!) I have a scar over my left eye from a bicycle accident. There are more – from both surgeries and accidents.

We live in a world that seems horrified by scars. We turn away from that kind of disfigurement. There are numerous gels and creams to minimize scars. We cover them up. We are embarrassed by them. I have a different opinion of scars, though. Think about the firefighter who is burned because he ran into a burning building to rescue a child. His scars become a badge of honor – showing his courage and dedication. And to the mother of the child that was rescued, those scars are quite beautiful and deserving of nothing but gratitude.

Jesus also had scars: from the terrible beating before His crucifixion; from the nails in His hands and His feet; from the thorns pushed so cruelly into His head; and from the spear that pierced His side.

“Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the Lord!’ But he said to them, ‘Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.’ A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Pease be with you!’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’” (John 20:24-27, NIV)

There is one thing that all of these scars have in common: each represents something that was wounded, and is now healed. I am not for a minute suggesting that my scars in any way are equal to those of Jesus – or even to the firefighter’s scars. But they do represent some sort of healing in my body. And as such, perhaps we should look at them as something beautiful instead of something ugly.

Physical scars are one thing – but many of have emotional scars as well: things that are not visible, but have hurt us, regardless. And sometimes, those hurts are harder to heal than physical injuries. Again, I would say, when those things become scars, it means that healing has occurred. And in the same way that someone can use physical scars to identify a body, those emotional scars become part of who we are. I have decided that I am not going to be ashamed of my scars – either physical or emotional – and I will praise God because He has healed me!

My One Year Surgiversary

Today is one year since my life-changing surgery! Unbelievable! This year has gone so quickly. There are a couple of cool milestones I am celebrating: first of all, yesterday, for the very first time in my life, someone called me a “foxy lady.” ME! How exactly did that happen??? I think it is a combination of the weight loss, and the fact that I feel better about myself in general, and it shows. I wear make-up every day (without even thinking about it). I almost always wear jewelry. My clothes fit better. Who would have ever thought that someone would call me something like that? And secondly, today I had my six-month mammogram. Not only did I wear a REGULAR size gown, but when I had to go to the waiting room to, well, wait (for the radiologist to look at the films), I was able to tie it – all the way down the back. No more massive gowns with snaps – no more looking for something that is going to fit! I’m REGULAR, or at least REGULAR physically, although I’m pretty sure I will never make that category mentally!

Someone sent me an email this morning to celebrate my SURGIVERSARY. And she reminded me how far I’ve come in just a year – she wanted to make sure that I wasn’t focusing on missing the goal I had set for myself for today (losing 200 pounds). She’s absolutely right – the 200 pounds will come – but look how far I have already come. Thanks to my cheerleaders – who keep looking at the positive and not the negative.

Check out the new pictures this month. Not a great deal of change since last month, but I do want to document everything.

I have been asked if I would do it all over again. Yes, yes, YES! This is the best decision I have ever made and I would do it again in a heartbeat! So, HAPPY SURGIVERSARY to me! I'm celebrating today! PRAISE GOD!

“Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, LORD. They rejoice in your name all day long; they celebrate your righteousness. For you are their glory and strength, and by your favor you exalt our horn.” (Psalm 89:15-17, NIV)

Putting Out Fires

This morning as I was working on my daily reports, I received a call from the CFO of my company. He started with, “I know that you are used to doing things at the last minute, but see those gentlemen coming in the front door, well we have to do something for them, and of course, it needs to be done RIGHT NOW!” So, I pulled out my firefighter’s hat, and went to work. I was able to complete the project with relatively little pain and hassle, and make my boss, and her boss (the CFO) look good. I like when that happens, even if it IS last minute. Ideally, I would have plenty of time to complete the assignment or presentation, including time to proof and re-proof so that it is perfect. But we don’t live in an ideal world, and sometimes I just have to do it at the last minute.

The truth is, I like having a plan. I like having time to accomplish a task. When I was in school, I started projects the day they were assigned, and spent the rest of the time perfecting them. I like being able to “sign my name” to the finished endeavor. And, in years past, I would have panicked at being so rushed. But time has taught me that getting flustered doesn’t accomplish anything, and might, in fact make things worse. So, I try my best to take it in stride, which might be part of the reason I’m the “go to” person, when there is a deadline on top of us.

Hopefully, this has carried over to my weight loss journey as well. Tomorrow will be exactly one year since my surgery. I had a plan – I had hoped to lose 200 pounds (total) by that date. I’m close – 192 as of this morning, but very doubtful I will actually hit 200 pounds. I’m a little disappointed, but taking it in stride. 132 pounds in the year since surgery is no small feat, and I’m celebrating that! I have lost 127 inches since two weeks before my surgery. (10 feet, 7 inches). Again, nothing to be ashamed of.

The journey has been so worth it – and I look forward to the day that I can say I have actually lost those 200 pounds. It won’t be long now!

An Answer to Prayer...

Once there was a terrible flood. It flooded so badly that a man had to climb on his roof to keep from being swept away by the raging waters. He prayed, “God, please save me!” About that time, a man came up in a rowboat. He tried to get the man on the roof to come with him, but the man declined, and the man in the rowboat went on his way. An hour or so went by, and the man prayed again, “God, please save me!” Shortly after that, another man pulled up in a motorboat and tried in vain to get the first man to come with him. So, the man in the motorboat went on his way. A few more hours passed, and the man desperately prayed again, “GOD, PLEASE SAVE ME!” A helicopter appeared overhead – and a man dropped down on a cable, but like the others, he was unable to persuade the man to come with him, and he left to rescue other people. Finally, it grew dark, and the man was cold and wet, and shivering on his roof. He prayed one more time, “God, I asked you to save me. Don’t you love me anymore?” There was a clap of thunder and a booming voice replied, “I sent you a rowboat, and a motorboat, and a helicopter…what more do you want???”

Often when we pray, we have specific answers in mind. For years I prayed about my weight. But I didn’t want to do any work to get the weight off – I just wanted to wake up one day and not have the fat. When I found out about the heart failure, I prayed for healing – but again, I wanted something miraculous and instantaneous. Now, I believe with all my heart that God can and on occasion does work that way. But I also know that many times His answers are not like that at all. And because I’m so busy looking for the answer that I want, in the manner that I want it, I often miss the beautiful answer that God gives me.

It doesn’t have to be as dramatic as healing or as weight loss. Maybe I’m praying about a job – and something presents itself that I have never considered. Or maybe I’m praying about a way to use my talents to further God’s kingdom – and He says, “I don’t need any more divas up on stage, but I sure could use someone to love those babies in the nursery.” So many times, we get in the way of what God wants us to be and to do. And we put God in a box when we think that there is only ONE answer to the prayer we are praying.

Maybe God has something FAR BETTER in mind for me when I don’t get the answer that I am looking for. He could heal my weak heart. But maybe He will grow my spirit by sustaining me THROUGH the heart failure. And maybe doctors and nurses who see what I can do now – and who believe that I shouldn’t be able to do those things – and they will ask, “Why?” and I will be able to say, “It’s GOD – it has always been GOD!” And in that moment – maybe they will see something bigger than themselves. My prayer today is that I will look for God’s answers, even if they are not what I am expecting.

Carrying Baggage

We are getting ready to go on a trip – Dave’s quartet has a concert down in Florida. So, tonight we will be packing our suitcase with the few things we will need over the next couple of days. And since we are driving, there is a reasonable certainty that our luggage will arrive when and where we do.

If you are flying, however, that is not always the case. One year we flew home to Canada for Christmas. I was not able to take as much time off work as Dave was, so he flew up a few days before me. I was a little nervous about travelling by myself – and I was particularly nervous about going through customs – because this time we flew all the way to Dave’s hometown. I had to change planes in Toronto – and take everything through customs myself. But I did it with no problems. I handled everything fine. Only when I landed in Saint John – my luggage wasn’t with me. A labor dispute with workers in Toronto triggered a “sick out.” And there were no workers to transfer my luggage to the plane that was taking me to my final destination. In fact, nobody on that plane had luggage – it was all sitting on the tarmac, in the rain, back in Toronto. I was fortunate – I was missing some clothes, and a few Christmas presents, but nothing of life or death importance. There were several people who had medications in their baggage. They were in dire straits. The airlines worked hard to get the luggage there for everyone, although it did take two days to arrive. And a few things in the suitcase were ruined, because the dye in the leather had bled onto some of my clothes and never came out. All in all though, nothing too terrible.

When we travel – having our luggage with us is important. But in other matters in our lives, having baggage is not necessarily a good thing. Last night, I had to face some of my eating baggage. Dave is working right now delivering pizzas. He worked from 5:00 until around 11:00 last night. He seems to be enjoying the job, and we need the money. I’m happy that he is doing something. A good friend came over for a while – she will be taking care of our animals while we are away – and she needed to get the garage door opener, etc. We had a good visit – but when she left, I was alone. I don’t mind being alone – I like the quiet, and I like the peace. But historically, that is when I would binge – stuffing anything and everything into my mouth. Last night, I definitely had the urge to do just that. I wasn’t hungry. I ate my supper, so I didn’t NEED to eat. I just WANTED to eat. I was BORED.

Over the past year, I have worked really hard to learn to eat when I need to eat – and to walk away when I want to eat for any other reason. I walked away last night – but there were a few moments when I wasn’t certain I was going to. It was a little unnerving to feel that desire so strongly. The best thing about this kind of baggage, is that I have the choice whether or not to continue carrying it. Dave will be working many nights in the future – and I am sure I will face this issue over and over again. But having successfully faced it once – I have every assurance I will be able to face it again. I know that the prayers of friends and family will help!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)

Making Adjustments

We are now a one-car family. Most of the time, this isn’t a problem. But sometimes we aren’t going in the same direction at the same time, and one or both of us has to adjust our schedule. Dave gets up very early to take me to the van pool stop. If he is working (delivering pizzas) I have to find another way home. These aren’t major adjustments – but something we DO have to think about now, whereas before, I would (and did) just get in the car and go.

The good news about all of this is that we don’t have one car payment, and the car insurance is nearly half what it used to be. We get to spend more time together – time when we can and do talk – time to practice music for both the choir we are singing in at church and the community chorus we sing in. The only down side is that I feel much less independent. I have to plan my life around when and if the car is available. And I have to depend on other people a whole lot more.

My biggest problem is that I LIKE to be independent. I don’t mind helping other people at all – but it’s hard for me to ask for help from others. That spills over into my spiritual life, and my food life, too. A favorite passage comes from Proverbs:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV) And even though I believe this passage with all my heart – I must admit that I have a very difficult time putting it into practice. Much like a two year old who insists on dressing herself – I want to do it! I have even been known to throw a temper tantrum (or two – or several) when someone doesn’t let me do it.

Fortunately, God is patient with me. He knows that when I say, “ME DO IT!” that I might fail. But He lets me try anyway. And those times that I do fail, He picks me up, and holds me in His arms, then helps me clean up the mess. Going through this time when I have to depend on other people is a time for me to grow – to really and truly learn to lean on others. And by learning to do that, I will ultimately be learning to lean on HIM.

Coffee in a Cardboard Cup

“The trouble with the world today it seems to me, is coffee in a cardboard cup. The trouble with the affluent society, is coffee in a cardboard cup.” This is the opening line from a song we are singing in the communty chorus to which I belong. It is an upbeat tune – remeniscent of something from the 1920’s, that you might dance the Charleston to. The song goes on to explain that we live in a world that is instant this – and hurry up – and there is no time to enjoy pleasantries and to relax.

My parents came down to spend the night last Friday. Saturday morning over breakfast we were discussing how infrequently we actually sit down at the table to eat. At our house, it only happens when we have company. Most of the time we grab something on the run – eating in a hurry – in front of the television. We don’t sit and talk at the table any more.

A few years ago, we hosted an exchange student from Brazil. She was a speech pathologist there – and wanted to pursue her doctorate in speech pathology, but in order to do so , she needed English. She was here to improve her English skills. She worked in San Paulo, but was from a village outside of that big city. During her stay with us, she was absolutely fascinated with all of the prepared foods we had here. She had never seen biscuits from a can. (I’m sure that there are probably people in our world who didn’t know there was ever a time when biscuits DIDN’T come from a can.) She couldn’t get over the different types of food you could make from a box. She fell in love with Hamburger Helper! One day, she was going to make supper for us – it was one of those days that we were flying around going from here to there in hurry. She went to the store, bought Hamburger Helper in the lasagna flavor, then tried to buy hamburger. Well, the shopping thing was still pretty new to her, and she saw ground beef, ground chuck, ground round – but nothing labeled “hamburger.” She wasn’t sure it was the same stuff. Then she reasoned to herself that lasagna was Italian – and pepperoni was Italian – so that would probably work. (In case you are wondering, pepperoni is NOT a viable substitute for hamburger.) That meal was not so good – but we all had a good laugh about it. In her country – and being familiar with the language – she would have cooked a wonderful meal from scratch, but the instant processed stuff in a box just didn’t make the grade.

Processed food is good in that preparation time has been cut significantly. But there is much about processed food that is not good.
Most instant food is extremely high in sodium, fat, and sugars. And even those that are labeled “healthy” may have hidden dangers. When they cut any one of those three things to make the food “healthier” they usually load up on the other two. It is not uncommon for a frozen entrée to have more sodium in one meal than I am allowed (as a heart patient) in one DAY. Yet we have come to rely on these instant foods.

“He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10, NIV) Maybe it’s time to get off the rollercoaster we call life – and just be still, not in a hurry, not rushing off to the next appointment on our busy schedule. Maybe it’s time we slowed down – returned to a simpler lifestyle – and paid attention to the things around us. Maybe it’s time we listened to God’s voice.

The Rest of My Life, One Day at a Time

This past Sunday, our preacher started his sermon with this story: A little girl was learning to tie her shoes. She worked diligently every day for weeks, her little face scrunched up as she concentrated on getting it right. Finally, one day it happened! Her parents were so proud and excited for her – she did it! Then she started crying. When they asked what was wrong, she said through her tears, “Now I have to tie my shoes for the rest of my life!”

There is a quote, which says, “How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.” (I tried, but the only source I can find says this is Zall’s second law. I do not know who Zall is, or why he has laws.) But the saying is true, nonetheless. If you are the person WAITING – that minute seems like forever.

This could also apply to a lifetime. A lifetime is not nearly long enough to love somebody – parents, children, spouse, or friends. But a lifetime seems far too long when you are dealing with a chronic illness, or the pain of losing someone you love, or for some, guilt about something.

There are a number of things I wish that I could do just one time and forget about it: tying shoes, cleaning the bathroom, doing dishes, dusting (do you see a pattern here?), and of course, the biggest thing on this list for me is losing weight. I have lost a lot of weight in my lifetime – much more than the 191.4 pounds in the past year and a half. Yet somehow, I always seemed to find it again.

This time, I am truly committed to a LIFETIME of keeping this weight off. That means that I have to make choices for the rest of my life. While it might be true that eating one donut won’t make me gain all of this weight back – nor will eating two donuts – I know if I go back to eating the way I ate before my surgery, I will eventually become what I was before my surgery. It will be so much easier not to eat the first donut, than to go through the heartache of being morbidly obese again. Much better to refrain at the beginning, than to face the chronic and debilitating physical problems that come from being overweight. Sometimes, when I think about it, I feel like that little girl. I don’t know if I can do this for the rest of my life – I don’t even know if I WANT to do this for the rest of my life! But if I look at today, and only today, I’m sure I can do it! “One day at a time, sweet Jesus, that’s all I’m asking from you.”

All for Love

Since it is Valentine’s Day, I thought I would talk about love – but not the love that the world is celebrating today. Yesterday in our Bible School class, we discussed the first part of John 12. “Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” (John 12:1-3, NIV)

There is much to see in these few verses. But the underlying theme is the love that Mary had for Jesus – and what she was willing to forfeit to show that love.

First of all – Mary gave up any sense of her own importance. Washing visitor’s feet was customary in these times. The standard mode of transportation was walking. I can imagine what a person’s feet looked like at the end of the day, whether he was barefoot or in sandals, after walking the dusty roads of that area. The task of washing someone’s feet usually fell on the lowest servant. (Which is what makes Jesus washing the disciples feet a few days later so important.) Yet Mary, sister of Martha the hostess and Lazarus the host, did this for Jesus herself. She didn’t see this job as beneath her – she did it out of love.

Next, we read later that the perfume she used was worth about a year’s wages. That would be like me spending $35,000+ on about a pint of perfume to anoint someone. It’s difficult to think about it in those terms. Even if I were a billionaire, I’m not sure that I would take that kind of money to use on someone’s feet. But Mary didn’t think about the cost – even though she was criticized for “wasting” – she did it out of love.

Finally, she didn’t care about tradition or about propriety. An adult woman in those times was expected to keep her head covered, and those who did not do this were labeled “harlot.” Mary unbound her hair, and wiped Jesus’ feet with it. Let people say what they would – she did it out of love.

So many times, our ideas about love are shaped by what the media tells us. Or what our friends and family and co-workers tell us. Sometimes, we even weave elaborate, romantic fairy tales inside our heads about what we think love is. The truth is, real love doesn’t come from any of those places – real love comes only from God.

I pray that you don’t get hung up on what our society tells you that you NEED this Valentine’s Day. Rather, I wish everyone a Wonderful Valentine’s Day – filled with the love of God – and spilling out of your life to touch the lives of everyone around you.

My HERO's

You don’t have to drive on Atlanta highways very long before you spot one of the many HERO (Highway Emergency Response Operators) units. These are brave people who patrol Atlanta highways – and when they find someone in trouble – with a stalled vehicle, an accident, a flat tire – they pull behind them and are able to block traffic and offer assistance.

Sometimes it seems that this weight loss journey is a lot like driving in Atlanta rush hour traffic, complete with accidents, potholes, and stalls. I am truly blessed that I have my own HERO’s.

H – My heroes are HERE. They are HANDY (even if they live halfway across the country). Just like on the highway, my heroes won’t do me any good if they cannot be here for me.

E – My heroes are ENTHUSIASTIC and ENCOURAGING – especially on those days that I’m feeling a little down or when I’ve hit a plateau and nothing seems to be moving.

R – My heroes are REAL and RESPECTFUL. They share my struggle with me, and many have had their own struggle with weight and with food issues. They don’t downplay what I have already accomplished.

O – My heroes are OUTSPOKEN and masters of OVATION. I have my own cheering squad and they aren’t afraid to let me know they are cheering for me!

I want to be a HERO for other people – passing along what has been so richly given to me!

“He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:10, 11, NIV)

Snow...AGAIN?

I woke up this morning to a lovely sight – snow covering pretty much everything I could see, except for the streets, sidewalks, and driveways, thankfully. Here in Atlanta, it is unusual to have even one “snow” event per winter, and this winter we have had THREE in just a few weeks. One of those events was major – and stayed on the ground over a week in some places. Very unusual for these parts.

Interestingly enough – this snow did not seem to cause the widespread panic BEFORE it happened that most snow causes here. We’re not quite as complacent about it as people in Minnesota or Canada, but this time there seemed to be a “been there – done that” attitude. Since the streets did not seem to be affected at all by any of this – traffic was normal this morning.

I spent much of my life with the “been there – done that” attitude about my weight. I KNEW that I needed to lose weight – I KNEW it would be healthier – I KNEW a lot of things, but I didn’t DO anything about it. Doctors talked to me – family talked to me – friends talked to me – and I listened with one ear – then kept doing exactly what I had been doing all along: ignoring the problem. And unlike snow in the driveway, which will eventually melt if you do nothing, my weight problem did not go away.

I can’t change anything about how long it took me finally to get it together about my weight. It happened when I got sick and tired of dealing with all the side effects of being fat. And while I wish with all my heart that I had done something sooner, I can certainly celebrate that I have NOW done something about it. Today I’m down a total of 190.2 pounds! YIPPEE!

What is Real?

My favorite book as a child was “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams. It is still at the top of my list today. If you have not read this book, I strongly urge you to find it, read it, and think about what it has to say. It shouldn’t take you very long – and it might resonate with you the way it has with me through the years. My favorite passage is a conversation between the old Skin Horse – a rocking horse that had been in the nursery for generations, and the Velveteen Rabbit. Let me quote it for you:

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"


"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

“The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real, you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

I love this! And I want to be REAL! I want to be REAL in my relationships – with God, with Dave, with my family, with my friends, and with my co-workers. I want to be REAL in my day-to-day life. I want to be REAL in everything I do. But I think REAL is much more about BEING than about DOING. As humans, we like to see accomplishments and credentials. We like awards. We like letters after someone’s name. There is nothing wrong with that – but those are certainly not things that God looks at. He sees the heart – the very core of who we are and who we are becoming!

Being Content

Last night I attended a weight loss surgery support group. There is something comforting about being in the same room with people who share my struggles with food – and with the after effects of the surgery. The ladies in that room understand the complete frustration when your body stalls and plateaus. They have felt the bone-chilling cold. They know that this journey is labor, and they know they have to make good choices for the rest of their lives. The guest speaker was a plastic surgeon – there to talk about the various options people have for plastic surgery after dramatic weight loss.

I will say that I was probably the only person in the room who was not hanging on every word he said. I have already made up my mind that plastic surgery is probably not in my future. (Insurance only pays for a few surgeries, and then only in very rare circumstances.) But even with that knowledge – the before and after pictures were impressive. I understand how the women in those pictures feel better about themselves. Plastic surgery can remove excess skin, and fat pockets (like those love handles that NEVER go away no matter what you do), and it can lift things and put them back to a place that much more closely resembles “normal.”

I’m going to take a scripture completely out of context, but Paul, in his letter to the Philippians says, “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

How much time do I spend not being content with my circumstances? I’m not content with my health – I’m not content with my weight – I’m not content with what I look like – I'm not content with finances - I’m not content with traffic – I’m not content with the faults of the people around me – I’m not content most of the time it seems. I’m not even sure that I know what it means to be really content.

My prayer today is to find that contentment! Contentment, serenity, satisfaction are learned behaviors – Paul says that he has learned to be content. Whatever it takes – that is a lesson I want to learn. I don’t think it is a lesson that can be learned from cosmetic surgery. But when I DO learn that lesson, I want to hold onto it for the rest of my life!

Another New Adventure

OK – I thought learning to cut Dave’s hair was an adventure. In retrospect, it was not nearly as much of an adventure as HIM learning to cut my hair! Start with the fact that he is such a perfectionist. It wasn’t quite cutting one hair at a time – but it was close. Then there is the problem of one side is a little shorter than the other side – and we have to even it out – only the second side ends up a little shorter than the first side – so we have to even THAT out – well, you can see how easy it would be for me to be bald before the night was over. But he persevered, and I made it through the hair pulling (totally by accident, of course) – and voila – I have my new haircut. And to Dave’s credit – he did a great job. In fact, I was leaving a store yesterday, and someone stopped me and told me that she LOVED my hair. I just smiled and said, “Thank you.”

My Mom gave me a bag of clothes the last time I was up there. In it was a skirt and top she thought I could wear. I was a little nervous about trying it on – it is basically a straight skirt – and I have always had such big hips that I’m much more comfortable with an A-line – or fuller skirt. I don’t look so much at sizes anymore – I just try things on and if they don’t look good, I move on. Well, I tried this on – and it fit perfectly. I wore yesterday to church, and today to work. After I took it off yesterday afternoon – I looked at the size. Both pieces are a 14/16! WHOOHOO! I had no idea.

I have been in a holding pattern for the last week or so, and this means I probably won’t reach 200 pounds before my surgiversary (on February 24). But that is part of the process, so I am really OK with that.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Colossians 3:12)

Mark Twain once said, “It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.” Isn’t that true? This scripture from Colossians is easy to understand – but so hard to put into practice. This is my prayer for today – to worry more about the clothes God wants me to wear – of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience – and less about the clothes on my body!

Do Not Worry

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes...Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:25, 27, 33, 34, NIV)

Have you ever heard this phrase, “If I just had ___________, then I wouldn’t have to worry.” Maybe you have said it yourself – filling in the blank with any number of things: a good job, a million dollars, or a significant other in my life. We toss out this kind of statement as if worrying were the natural course of events, and only finding the “magic” thing (or combination of things) can keep us from worrying.

I come from a long line of worriers. We never told my grandmother when we expected to be at her house, because she would worry if we weren’t there exactly on time – imagining all sorts of horrors about how we were lying in a ditch by the road somewhere. We didn’t want her to worry – so we only gave vague times – and frequently over-exaggerated our departure time so that we would be there earlier than she expected us. My mother is a worrier – and I do my best to keep things from her that I know she will worry about. I won’t lie in answer to a direct question, but if there is any way I can avoid the question being asked, I will do that. I have the “worry gene” too. I am quite adept at imagining all manner of disasters, and most of them never become reality.

“I wouldn’t have to worry.” If you take out the conditional part of this statement, you are left with, “I have to worry.” Imagine that, “I have to worry.” Despite the fact that Jesus clearly told us “do not worry” we live our lives as if we have to worry, as if it is some sort of requirement. What will I eat? How will I pay this bill? Can I stick with this weight loss? Am I going to get a job? What if my boss doesn’t like this presentation? What about global warming? The unrest in the Middle East? Once I start the worry engine – I can go on forever, with no end in sight.

So, if I don’t worry, what am I supposed to DO? Jesus answers that, as well, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things [that you are not supposed to be worrying about] will be given to you as well.” When we have our priorities straight, there truly is nothing to worry about.

In His Image

This morning, on the way to the vanpool stop, there was a guest on the radio station that my husband listens to. She was talking about her new book, which deals with the self-esteem issues that many women have. (She claims that only 2% of women like what they see in the mirror.) She made several excellent points, but one just stuck in my head: for every single compliment a woman receives (from ANYONE), there are hundreds of negative images she receives every day – from media, and doctors, and celebrities. I must confess, I have struggled with self-esteem all of my life – and most, if not all, of my friends have the same issues. It doesn’t matter what we look like – we don’t like what we see in the mirror.

I have thought about this frequently. And I have chided friends who criticized themselves. And yet, I do it to myself all the time. Where exactly is the disconnect on this issue?

In the first chapter of Genesis, we have a beautiful picture of creation. After God created the world, and the sky, and the land and seas, and plants, and light, and animals of every kind, He saw that it was good. “Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:26-27, NIV)

Did you catch that, ladies? We are created the image of God. Let me say it again, God created us IN HIS IMAGE! And when He was done creating mankind, He looked at everything, and saw that it was VERY good. When He created land and seas, it was good. When he created all of the creatures of the earth, it was good. But when He created mankind, it was VERY good.

When people look at me, and then look at my parents, I’m always amused when they say I look like one or the other. I certainly do not mind looking like my parents at all (I think they are both attractive people) – the amusement comes because it is split about 50/50 on which parent I do look like. Some are adamant that I look like my father, while others are equally convinced I look like my mother. My guess is that I look something like both of them.

In the same way, I “look” like my heavenly Father, perhaps not in physical appearance, but in the real things that matter. I’m not a perfect copy of Him, at least not yet, but I have been created in His image. What right do I have to criticize something that God created? He made flowers in all shapes and sizes and colors. He made animals that swim, that fly, that crawl, and that walk. It makes sense that He would make a diverse collection of humans, as well. So what if the world tells me that beauty means no wrinkles or shiny hair or any one of a number of arbitrary, external features? God, my CREATOR, tells me “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry of fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (I Peter 3:3-4, NIV) Here’s to ALL of the beautiful women I call, “FRIEND.” I see God in you – and that makes you beautiful – no argument allowed!

Beyond Love

I love the verses from I Corinthians 13: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…” (I Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV

I wish that I could say that I loved like that. I can’t. I wish that these verses were written about me. They weren’t. I wish that I were better at this now, than I was 20 years ago. I don’t know that I am. But what a goal – what an inspiration!

Imagine what the world would be if everyone practiced these few verses. There would be no crime – because people would be more concerned with others than themselves. There would be no divorce, because relationships based on this kind of love would thrive. No dysfunctional families – no wars – no bickering. In fact, life would be perfect. Sounds rather like heaven, doesn’t it?

I don’t know anyone who practices this kind of love all the time. But as Christians, we certainly have the call to do just that. At a time of year where greeting card companies and florists tell us to “show our love” (by giving said greeting cards and flowers), let’s look beyond the self-serving “love” they promote and look at God’s blueprint for love. And, it’s not only His blueprint – it is also a perfect description of who He is. What a beautiful picture! Thank You, God!

A New Adventure

Well, last night, I did something that I have never done before. In an effort to save money, (anyway we can) I am now cutting Dave’s hair. He keeps it very short – and there are no layers, no tricky things – just buzz it off with clippers. STILL, I was NERVOUS! He is particular about his appearance – and wants perfection. Admittedly, there were a few tense moments during the cut. But he talked me through it – and I inspected it very closely several times before I let him check it out in the mirror. And the end result was a haircut that worked for him AND saved us money.

It’s difficult to step outside of my comfort zone. So many times in my life, I have chosen the familiar, even though it was painful and not in my best interest, rather than take a chance on something unfamiliar – simply because it was unknown. I did it in my first marriage – staying in an abusive relationship because it was familiar instead of leaving and entering an alien world. I did it with my weight – through the years, there were many things I COULD have done, but my weight was something to hide behind. What if I lost weight, and my life was the same, or worse?

The truth is – we never know until we try. And while it is true that there might be heartache in this unknown world – it is also true that there might be incredible joy. Is it worth the risk of missing the joy, just to avoid a heartache that may or may not happen? We will never know the joy of sharing God’s Word with someone else – if we cower behind our fear. We will never understand the depth of God’s love, if we stay in the shallow end of the pool.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7, NIV)