I cannot believe that it is the last day of March – and of the first quarter of 2011! Where has the time gone? I have always had a theory about time - I don’t have any way to prove my theory, but it certainly makes sense to me. Remember how when you are a child and waiting for Christmas – or your birthday – or that trip to the zoo, and it seems to take FOREVER? Time drags by so slowly, no matter what you do. My theory is this: God knows how important it is to be a kid; and He knows that there are things that are not so much fun as an adult and aging brings its own set of aches and pains, so He steals little bits of time here and there from adults, and gives it to the kids. To the kids – it seems like the THING they are waiting for is NEVER going to come, and to the adults, it seems like time flies by more and more quickly every year.
As a culture, we spend a lot of time trying to erase and undo the effects of time. We don’t like things that are old, or saggy, or wrinkled, or gray. We inject and dye and plump up. Many people go so far as to lie about their age, as if saying they are younger will actually make them younger. But despite our best efforts, time marches on.
Isn’t it wonderful that our God is outside of time? He created time, He controls time, but He is not at all affected by time.
“As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.” (Psalm 103:13-18, NIV)
From “everlasting to everlasting” – what a promise! God is so much bigger than anything in my life, or in this world. And today, it is good to rest in the everlasting love of God.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Thinking About Things
On the drive in to work, there is a place where we top a small hill, and I-75 / I-85 (or “The Connector” as we call it here in Atlanta) stretches out before us in a graceful S-curve, just before the intersection with I-20. On good days, we top the hill, and traffic is flowing through that turn like salmon swimming upstream to their spawning grounds. On bad days, we top that hill and there is nothing but a sea of brake lights. This morning, I anticipated the brake lights due to heavy rain and thunderstorms in the area. I was pleasantly surprised, and a little relieved, to see that traffic was moving. When we slow up there, it is a pretty sure bet that the rest of the ride into work is going to be difficult.
I’ve thought a lot about my blog yesterday – and I keep coming back to the phrase “my weight.” The nearly 200 pounds I’ve lost is NOT MY weight. It USED to be my weight – but not anymore. We use the expression, “I’ve lost weight” but I’m not so sure that is accurate, either. “Losing” something generally implies that at some point in the future, you hope to “find” it again. When I made the decision to have this surgery, I was making the decision to dispose of, throw away, discard, get rid of, dispense with, jettison, dump, chuck, and/or ditch the weight. I DID NOT make the decision to hide it for a little while, or hang it at the back of my closet just in case I wanted to wear it again.
I have the tools in place to get rid of this weight. I have the intelligence to make smart and reasonable decisions. I have supportive family and friends who constantly cheer me on. Most importantly, I have GOD who is the source of my comfort and healing. Even if I encounter traffic snarls on my way to work, I always make it to my destination, eventually. And like the drive to work, this journey may have obstacles, but I WILL GET TO MY JOURNEY'S END!
“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life.” (Revelation 21:5-6, NIV)
I’ve thought a lot about my blog yesterday – and I keep coming back to the phrase “my weight.” The nearly 200 pounds I’ve lost is NOT MY weight. It USED to be my weight – but not anymore. We use the expression, “I’ve lost weight” but I’m not so sure that is accurate, either. “Losing” something generally implies that at some point in the future, you hope to “find” it again. When I made the decision to have this surgery, I was making the decision to dispose of, throw away, discard, get rid of, dispense with, jettison, dump, chuck, and/or ditch the weight. I DID NOT make the decision to hide it for a little while, or hang it at the back of my closet just in case I wanted to wear it again.
I have the tools in place to get rid of this weight. I have the intelligence to make smart and reasonable decisions. I have supportive family and friends who constantly cheer me on. Most importantly, I have GOD who is the source of my comfort and healing. Even if I encounter traffic snarls on my way to work, I always make it to my destination, eventually. And like the drive to work, this journey may have obstacles, but I WILL GET TO MY JOURNEY'S END!
“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life.” (Revelation 21:5-6, NIV)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Be Afraid...
I called my doctor yesterday. I have been having episodes of low pressure – sometimes as low as 70/49, but usually averaging around 95/60. Last June, when the doctor increased one of my heart medications, he indicated that as I continue to lose weight, I might have problems with my blood pressure, given my history. When or if that happened, he would decrease that heart medication. If the drop in blood pressure happens only occasionally, there is no problem, but when it happens nearly every time I stand up, that becomes a big problem.
When I called his office, I fully expected him to tell me to decrease that medication. Instead, he said he wanted me to continue with the medication as is, and to decrease my lasix to every other day. He has tried this many times in the past, and unfortunately, every single time I try to decrease the frequency or the dosage of that particular drug, my weight goes up. I’m not talking about the few ounces here and there that I gain while on a plateau. When I change this medication, I can easily gain 5 or 6 pounds in a couple of days.
Here’s where the fear comes in – I am SO AFRAID of gaining my weight back. Despite my success so far, that fear is always just below the surface, and when I’m faced with something that I know will make me gain weight, the fear is right out there for everyone to see. Interesting that I still think of it as “MY” weight, like perhaps it is just hiding out somewhere for the time being. I don’t want it back – I am doing everything I can to keep it from coming back – but I am still afraid.
So, my dilemma is this: do I do what the doctor wants me to do now - or do what he told me he was going to do back in June? I had already cut the heart medication in half for this week, and today, although my blood pressure is staying in the 95/60 range, I have not at all felt dizzy when I stand up. It would seem that is a pretty significant improvement already. Still, I preach to everyone who needs to hear it that they should do what the doctor tells them to do. Perhaps I will try it his way, at least for a few days. If the weight goes up, or the dizziness returns, I’m going to do it my way.
My husband sings a beautiful song, “Sometimes He Calms the Storm.” Of particular meaning to me is the chorus:
“Sometimes He calms the storm with a whispered, ‘Peace be still’
He can settle any sea, but it doesn’t mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.”
(Performed by Scott Krippayne, written by Kevin Stokes; Tony Wood)
I need to let God calm my fears about this – and trust that He has given me resources to make the correct choice – both about the medication and about gaining the weight back.
When I called his office, I fully expected him to tell me to decrease that medication. Instead, he said he wanted me to continue with the medication as is, and to decrease my lasix to every other day. He has tried this many times in the past, and unfortunately, every single time I try to decrease the frequency or the dosage of that particular drug, my weight goes up. I’m not talking about the few ounces here and there that I gain while on a plateau. When I change this medication, I can easily gain 5 or 6 pounds in a couple of days.
Here’s where the fear comes in – I am SO AFRAID of gaining my weight back. Despite my success so far, that fear is always just below the surface, and when I’m faced with something that I know will make me gain weight, the fear is right out there for everyone to see. Interesting that I still think of it as “MY” weight, like perhaps it is just hiding out somewhere for the time being. I don’t want it back – I am doing everything I can to keep it from coming back – but I am still afraid.
So, my dilemma is this: do I do what the doctor wants me to do now - or do what he told me he was going to do back in June? I had already cut the heart medication in half for this week, and today, although my blood pressure is staying in the 95/60 range, I have not at all felt dizzy when I stand up. It would seem that is a pretty significant improvement already. Still, I preach to everyone who needs to hear it that they should do what the doctor tells them to do. Perhaps I will try it his way, at least for a few days. If the weight goes up, or the dizziness returns, I’m going to do it my way.
My husband sings a beautiful song, “Sometimes He Calms the Storm.” Of particular meaning to me is the chorus:
“Sometimes He calms the storm with a whispered, ‘Peace be still’
He can settle any sea, but it doesn’t mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.”
(Performed by Scott Krippayne, written by Kevin Stokes; Tony Wood)
I need to let God calm my fears about this – and trust that He has given me resources to make the correct choice – both about the medication and about gaining the weight back.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Like Father, Like Daughter
Update on Dad: Wednesday night – Dad’s heart actually stopped – only for 5 seconds – but that was 5 seconds too long on the medication they had him on. They came in Thursday morning and announced that the medication wasn’t working so they were going to go ahead and do a pacemaker on Friday. While he was eating lunch on Thursday, the doctor came in and said they couldn’t get an operating room for Friday – so Dad shouldn’t eat or drink even another bite because they were going to put the pacemaker in that afternoon at 3:00. The surgery went fine. Thursday night there was a little scare when they hung a bag of antibiotics and he had an instantaneous reaction – within seconds he could not breathe, he was sweating profusely, and his blood pressure dropped to 50/30. Fortunately, he had been in shock before, and knew exactly what was happening – a tech in the room admitting Dad’s roommate was able to get him oxygen right away, and the nursing staff and rapid response team were on top of things and able to get everything under control, eventually. They kept him an extra day in the hospital to monitor him, and he went home, finally, on Saturday. He says he is sore, but doesn’t have any pain – and his two biggest complaints are learning to sleep on his back and having to shave with the electric razor. Thank you, everyone, for your prayers.
This whole week I have been preaching to my father about learning to listen to his body – that part of his new life with a pacemaker involves fatigue – and that when he gets tired, he needs to back off and rest. I speak from experience. But while I was preaching to Dad, I SHOULD have been listening myself. I pushed myself pretty hard last week – and today, I’m really, really tired. I’m not going to fall over, but I need to take care of myself.
It amazes me how hard it is to learn some lessons. I know as well as anyone, and better than most, that I have to take care of myself. When I’m tired, I can make a choice not to do one thing on one day, or I can try to push through the tired. Only when I push through, I wind up not doing a whole bunch of things on a whole bunch of days. Yet I still try to push through, thinking that maybe THIS time, I will be super woman! OK Dad, here’s a promise. If you will try to pay attention to what your body is telling you, I will pay attention to what my body is telling me. Let’s be alike in a POSITIVE way, not a negative one!
On a good note, I FINALLY got past the 240 barrier – weighing in at 237 pounds! That is a total loss for me of 198.4 pounds – just 1.6 pounds away from that 200-pound mark! It’s getting closer!
“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:30-31, NIV)
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber…” (Psalm 121:1-3, NIV)
This whole week I have been preaching to my father about learning to listen to his body – that part of his new life with a pacemaker involves fatigue – and that when he gets tired, he needs to back off and rest. I speak from experience. But while I was preaching to Dad, I SHOULD have been listening myself. I pushed myself pretty hard last week – and today, I’m really, really tired. I’m not going to fall over, but I need to take care of myself.
It amazes me how hard it is to learn some lessons. I know as well as anyone, and better than most, that I have to take care of myself. When I’m tired, I can make a choice not to do one thing on one day, or I can try to push through the tired. Only when I push through, I wind up not doing a whole bunch of things on a whole bunch of days. Yet I still try to push through, thinking that maybe THIS time, I will be super woman! OK Dad, here’s a promise. If you will try to pay attention to what your body is telling you, I will pay attention to what my body is telling me. Let’s be alike in a POSITIVE way, not a negative one!
On a good note, I FINALLY got past the 240 barrier – weighing in at 237 pounds! That is a total loss for me of 198.4 pounds – just 1.6 pounds away from that 200-pound mark! It’s getting closer!
“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:30-31, NIV)
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber…” (Psalm 121:1-3, NIV)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
It Hurts!
Today I want to talk about a delicate problem, one that I never dreamed I would have to experience. One thing I have always had in abundance is my backside. I carried this nice, soft, cushiony pillow around with me for years. I could sit pretty much anywhere, because I was sitting on a great deal of padding. Dare I say it, I miss that. Maybe I should grow it back…because that part of my body hurts all the time now. WHAT AM I THINKING??? – I DON’T miss squeezing into a chair with arms – or not being able to buy pants anywhere. I DON’T miss taking up more than one seat on a plane or a bus. I DON’T miss being uncomfortable in any restaurant I visit. I just miss my pillow – a little. Here’s an idea, maybe I could just carry a pillow with me to sit on – that would probably work!
This morning I put on a pair of size 16 jeans – SIZE 16!!! I didn’t have to suck in my gut to zip them up. I’m quite comfortable sitting in them. That’s a huge change from August when I purchased my first pair of jeans in forever – in a size 22. I’m thrilled, to say the least!
I did the research on the new medication they have my Dad on – and I have to say – it’s a little scary. But I believe that the doctors are on top of things and watching him very carefully. I will take the information to my parents, so that they can be informed – and so that they can ask the necessary questions. He maintains that he is feeling fine – so I am going to leave him in God’s hands.
This morning I put on a pair of size 16 jeans – SIZE 16!!! I didn’t have to suck in my gut to zip them up. I’m quite comfortable sitting in them. That’s a huge change from August when I purchased my first pair of jeans in forever – in a size 22. I’m thrilled, to say the least!
I did the research on the new medication they have my Dad on – and I have to say – it’s a little scary. But I believe that the doctors are on top of things and watching him very carefully. I will take the information to my parents, so that they can be informed – and so that they can ask the necessary questions. He maintains that he is feeling fine – so I am going to leave him in God’s hands.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
An Update on Dad
They have decided NOT to do the scope or the cardioconversion on my Dad – they are not sure it will work. Instead, they are going to try a medication that they hope will correct the problem. He will be in the hospital another 2 or 3 days so that they can monitor him, and then he will go home for a couple of weeks, while they continue to monitor him. The really good news is that he doesn’t feel bad – but that also means that it is a little more difficult for him to grasp the severity of the situation. Please keep praying for him and for my Mom.
They have put him on Coumadin – and cautioned him that he will not be able to use a regular razor, because the risk of cutting himself greater than with an electric razor. Right now, he is complaining about the electric razor, although I’m pretty sure he is resigned to it. And when I say, “grump” I do not mean that he is complaining a lot or even very loudly. He just doesn’t like using (and cleaning) an electric razor and he doesn’t want to have to buy one. We are letting him complain – and getting him a new razor anyway – and he will use it or face my Mom’s wrath. I’m pretty sure he’ll make the right choice!
Please keep them in your prayers.
They have put him on Coumadin – and cautioned him that he will not be able to use a regular razor, because the risk of cutting himself greater than with an electric razor. Right now, he is complaining about the electric razor, although I’m pretty sure he is resigned to it. And when I say, “grump” I do not mean that he is complaining a lot or even very loudly. He just doesn’t like using (and cleaning) an electric razor and he doesn’t want to have to buy one. We are letting him complain – and getting him a new razor anyway – and he will use it or face my Mom’s wrath. I’m pretty sure he’ll make the right choice!
Please keep them in your prayers.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Prayers for Dad
It seems like I am always asking for prayers for my parents. Right now, it’s my Dad. He has been very dizzy, and went to the doctor yesterday, thinking that it was vertigo. The nurse taking his blood pressure and pulse noticed some severe arrhythmia – and ran to get the doctor. They did an EKG, which confirmed the arrhythmia. The doctor called the cardiologist, the cardiologist said to meet him at the hospital. So there my Dad sits, going through numerous tests while they try to determine the cause for the irregular heartbeat. Other than the dizziness, he is not in any discomfort – but it is quite unnerving to be whisked off to the hospital like that. They have put him on a blood thinner to reduce the risk of a stroke. They have already indicated they may have to implant a pacemaker / defibrillator.
I told my Mother that KNOWING about the arrhythmia is much better than not knowing. He is where he needs to be – on a heart monitor – and if something happens, they will be able to take care of it immediately. This is familiar territory for me – I know as well as anyone that a pacemaker is not the end of the world. I’m concerned, but not panicked. Still, it’s hard to watch someone you love go through this.
Personally, I much prefer KNOWING to NOT KNOWING. I am quick to research a health problem – or a medicine. I ask questions of health professionals. I believe with all my heart that I am my own best advocate when it comes to my health – and if something isn’t right, I will keep pushing until we figure out what’s wrong.
It’s sad that I never did that with my weight issues. I sat back and did nothing. I heard doctors say I needed to lose weight – but I didn’t pay attention. I let it happen instead of taking charge. More than anything in my life, I regret that I played around with my weight issues (and consequently my health issues) for so long. No more – never again! This is MY life – and I want to LIVE IT!
One thing I don’t wonder about is my salvation. God doesn’t want us to “guess” or to “wonder” if we are saved. He wants us to be completely assured:
“I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life.” (I John 5:13, NIV, emphasis mine)
Not knowing is scary. Knowing is so much better, even if there is a problem. But knowing something REALLY GOOD is the best of all!
I told my Mother that KNOWING about the arrhythmia is much better than not knowing. He is where he needs to be – on a heart monitor – and if something happens, they will be able to take care of it immediately. This is familiar territory for me – I know as well as anyone that a pacemaker is not the end of the world. I’m concerned, but not panicked. Still, it’s hard to watch someone you love go through this.
Personally, I much prefer KNOWING to NOT KNOWING. I am quick to research a health problem – or a medicine. I ask questions of health professionals. I believe with all my heart that I am my own best advocate when it comes to my health – and if something isn’t right, I will keep pushing until we figure out what’s wrong.
It’s sad that I never did that with my weight issues. I sat back and did nothing. I heard doctors say I needed to lose weight – but I didn’t pay attention. I let it happen instead of taking charge. More than anything in my life, I regret that I played around with my weight issues (and consequently my health issues) for so long. No more – never again! This is MY life – and I want to LIVE IT!
One thing I don’t wonder about is my salvation. God doesn’t want us to “guess” or to “wonder” if we are saved. He wants us to be completely assured:
“I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life.” (I John 5:13, NIV, emphasis mine)
Not knowing is scary. Knowing is so much better, even if there is a problem. But knowing something REALLY GOOD is the best of all!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Spring Has Arrived
“See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves in heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.” (Song of Solomon 2:11-13, NIV)
Spring has arrived in Georgia – and it is spectacular! Right now, the wisteria, forsythia, dogwood trees and cherry trees are all in bloom! Azaleas and tulips are adding to the magnificence. The birds are back – their songs creating a symphony around me. The sights, sounds, and smells of spring are everywhere.
Saturday was a splendid day – over 80° outside – and not a cloud in the sky – so I laid out for a while in the afternoon. I decided that since it had quickly become sandal weather, I needed to work on my pedicure. I wore boots all winter, and did not do anything with my toes, so it was pretty bad. I massaged my feet with oil and lotion. I took off what little bits of old polish were still left on my nails. (Funny thing – back in July I had a pedicure and got a flower design put on my big toes. When I got through all the layers, I found the remnants of one of those flowers…) I trimmed my nails, and worked on the cuticles. Finally, I painted them. In the end, they didn’t look too bad – not quite the same as having someone else do it – but acceptable. So now, I feel comfortable in my sandals – and of course, my toe rings. I didn’t wear my toe rings all winter. No one could see them, and when I wear socks, the toe rings are not very comfortable.
Several things hit me about this pedicure. First of all, this time last year I could not get my foot close enough to be able to work on it. There was far too much stomach in the way – and I was completely inflexible. Thanks to yoga, and to the weight I’ve lost, doing my own pedicure was not only possible, but also very enjoyable. Secondly, layering nail polish (instead of stripping it off each time) is rather a lazy way to go about things. I would be in a hurry – and need to rush out the door – so I did a “quick fix” instead of doing it correctly. It worked for a while, but when I finally tried to get the polish off, it took a lot more effort. Unfortunately, that is also what I did with the weight. I kept depositing layer after layer of fat, and getting that off takes a lot more effort. Finally, the effort is worthwhile. I like that my toes are brightly colored – and that I can wear both sandals and toe rings again. And I like that I’m at a place where I like what I look like – and am comfortable in my own skin.
Spring has arrived in Georgia – and it is spectacular! Right now, the wisteria, forsythia, dogwood trees and cherry trees are all in bloom! Azaleas and tulips are adding to the magnificence. The birds are back – their songs creating a symphony around me. The sights, sounds, and smells of spring are everywhere.
Saturday was a splendid day – over 80° outside – and not a cloud in the sky – so I laid out for a while in the afternoon. I decided that since it had quickly become sandal weather, I needed to work on my pedicure. I wore boots all winter, and did not do anything with my toes, so it was pretty bad. I massaged my feet with oil and lotion. I took off what little bits of old polish were still left on my nails. (Funny thing – back in July I had a pedicure and got a flower design put on my big toes. When I got through all the layers, I found the remnants of one of those flowers…) I trimmed my nails, and worked on the cuticles. Finally, I painted them. In the end, they didn’t look too bad – not quite the same as having someone else do it – but acceptable. So now, I feel comfortable in my sandals – and of course, my toe rings. I didn’t wear my toe rings all winter. No one could see them, and when I wear socks, the toe rings are not very comfortable.
Several things hit me about this pedicure. First of all, this time last year I could not get my foot close enough to be able to work on it. There was far too much stomach in the way – and I was completely inflexible. Thanks to yoga, and to the weight I’ve lost, doing my own pedicure was not only possible, but also very enjoyable. Secondly, layering nail polish (instead of stripping it off each time) is rather a lazy way to go about things. I would be in a hurry – and need to rush out the door – so I did a “quick fix” instead of doing it correctly. It worked for a while, but when I finally tried to get the polish off, it took a lot more effort. Unfortunately, that is also what I did with the weight. I kept depositing layer after layer of fat, and getting that off takes a lot more effort. Finally, the effort is worthwhile. I like that my toes are brightly colored – and that I can wear both sandals and toe rings again. And I like that I’m at a place where I like what I look like – and am comfortable in my own skin.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Happy Dance of Joy!
This morning I hit 240 pounds. I have exactly 60 pounds to go! I’m doing the happy, happy dance! I have lost 76.51% of the total weight I want to lose. There is something extremely gratifying about reaching the ¾ mark.
I spent some time looking in the mirror this morning. I feel extremely blessed when I see that my face does not have the droopiness that many people have in their face and neck after dramatic weight loss. I have some wrinkles, to be sure, but considering that I am just about 49 years old – that is to be expected. I do NOT have the turkey wattle under my chin that many people have. And the wrinkles I do have are minimal. I’m not complaining at all about that.
Another thing that I have been blessed not to have is the extreme drooping in the abdomen area. Again, there is some – but not anything drastic. I’m very pleased.
There are a couple of places that I don’t like so much. One is under my arms. There is excessive skin and flab there. The other place is my thighs. The skin on my legs looks like crepe paper and the droop there is also extreme. But considering where I was and where I am now – I’ll take the here and now, thank you very much! And this summer, I have decided that I am not going to worry about what other people think about the parts that hang down and flap in the wind. Those flapping parts signify just how far I have really come. I might even wear some shorts – which is a huge thing for me – I honestly cannot remember the last time I wore shorts. I have done some capris, but nothing shorter than that.
All this happy dancing may just get rid of some of that droop, too. Life is good!
“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?” (Jean Kerr)
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” (Miss Piggy)
“People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.” (Salma Hayek)
I spent some time looking in the mirror this morning. I feel extremely blessed when I see that my face does not have the droopiness that many people have in their face and neck after dramatic weight loss. I have some wrinkles, to be sure, but considering that I am just about 49 years old – that is to be expected. I do NOT have the turkey wattle under my chin that many people have. And the wrinkles I do have are minimal. I’m not complaining at all about that.
Another thing that I have been blessed not to have is the extreme drooping in the abdomen area. Again, there is some – but not anything drastic. I’m very pleased.
There are a couple of places that I don’t like so much. One is under my arms. There is excessive skin and flab there. The other place is my thighs. The skin on my legs looks like crepe paper and the droop there is also extreme. But considering where I was and where I am now – I’ll take the here and now, thank you very much! And this summer, I have decided that I am not going to worry about what other people think about the parts that hang down and flap in the wind. Those flapping parts signify just how far I have really come. I might even wear some shorts – which is a huge thing for me – I honestly cannot remember the last time I wore shorts. I have done some capris, but nothing shorter than that.
All this happy dancing may just get rid of some of that droop, too. Life is good!
“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?” (Jean Kerr)
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” (Miss Piggy)
“People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.” (Salma Hayek)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I am an American through and through. I am proud to live in this country, even if I do not always agree with the direction that it is headed. But I am also Irish – from both sides of my family. My father is a Hollis, and they were either aristocracy or rogues and scoundrels, depending on the year and who was in power in Ireland at the time. And my mother is a Riley, (the “O” was dropped after they came to the country.) I must admit, there is a part of me that desperately wants to spend time in Ireland. I want to meet the people and listen to their lilting brogues. I want to see the rolling green hills. I want to taste the food, and experience Erin in all her glory. I might even find a wee little leprechaun and my very own pot o’ gold. (Wait, I think I need the pot o’ gold BEFORE I go to Ireland!) I have seen beautiful pictures, of course, but my imagination has filled in the blanks, with a little help from the novels I read.
It’s a little harder for me to see myself at the end of this journey. For one thing, I don’t have any pictures. Well, I do have some pictures from high school, but it would be very unrealistic to expect to look like I did back then – 30 years have gone by. And while I think I look OK for a 48 year old – I will never look 18 again. No one has written a description of me at the end of this journey. It is totally my imagination.
There is another place that I have difficulty imagining – HEAVEN. The Bible paints a beautiful picture of the PLACE of heaven – but using earthly words to describe something so far beyond us has to leave something to be desired. There are no photographs to help. It is totally our imagination.
“However, as it is written: ‘What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived’ – the things God has prepared for those who love him…” (I Corinthians 2:9, NIV)
This pretty much tells us that we cannot even begin to imagine what God has in store for us. The HEART of heaven is even more exciting than the physical aspects of heaven. I look forward to that moment when I get to experience heaven in all its magnificence, and I don’t have to imagine any more.
It’s a little harder for me to see myself at the end of this journey. For one thing, I don’t have any pictures. Well, I do have some pictures from high school, but it would be very unrealistic to expect to look like I did back then – 30 years have gone by. And while I think I look OK for a 48 year old – I will never look 18 again. No one has written a description of me at the end of this journey. It is totally my imagination.
There is another place that I have difficulty imagining – HEAVEN. The Bible paints a beautiful picture of the PLACE of heaven – but using earthly words to describe something so far beyond us has to leave something to be desired. There are no photographs to help. It is totally our imagination.
“However, as it is written: ‘What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived’ – the things God has prepared for those who love him…” (I Corinthians 2:9, NIV)
This pretty much tells us that we cannot even begin to imagine what God has in store for us. The HEART of heaven is even more exciting than the physical aspects of heaven. I look forward to that moment when I get to experience heaven in all its magnificence, and I don’t have to imagine any more.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Which Weighs More...a Pound of Fat or a Pound of Muscle?
OK – trick question – they weigh the same. (A pound equals a pound.) But the big difference is in the mass of each pound. A pound of lean muscle has far less mass than a pound of fat. (I did research to find exactly what the difference is, and because there are many different methods to determine the mass, there are also many different answers.) To me, it really doesn’t matter the precise answer, I’m just happy that it is true.
I really like those times when I am steadily losing. And those times are coming farther and farther apart. My pattern seems to be lose a little, maintain, maintain, maintain, maintain, and then lose a little. I am NOT complaining – I am so happy to be where am I am right now. And I’m so much farther along than I had any reason to expect I would be at 56 weeks out from surgery. But even in the times I am not losing weight, I am losing inches! I can tell it in the way my clothes fit and in the inches when I measure. Right now, I have lost 194.8 pounds (OK – I’m willing to round that up to 195) and 132.5 inches (11 feet, and ½ inch!) That is massive!
I have more points to cash in (remember the great shopping expedition for my birthday)? This time, I am going to get a brand new swimsuit. When I do, I promise I will post new pictures. Who would have ever thought that I would be excited about taking a picture of ME in a bathing suit?
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Colossians 3:12, NIV)
I really like those times when I am steadily losing. And those times are coming farther and farther apart. My pattern seems to be lose a little, maintain, maintain, maintain, maintain, and then lose a little. I am NOT complaining – I am so happy to be where am I am right now. And I’m so much farther along than I had any reason to expect I would be at 56 weeks out from surgery. But even in the times I am not losing weight, I am losing inches! I can tell it in the way my clothes fit and in the inches when I measure. Right now, I have lost 194.8 pounds (OK – I’m willing to round that up to 195) and 132.5 inches (11 feet, and ½ inch!) That is massive!
I have more points to cash in (remember the great shopping expedition for my birthday)? This time, I am going to get a brand new swimsuit. When I do, I promise I will post new pictures. Who would have ever thought that I would be excited about taking a picture of ME in a bathing suit?
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Colossians 3:12, NIV)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Consider the Heavens
“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” (Psalm 8:3-4, NIV)
Let me just say it here – I hate time change. I hate the springtime change more than I hate the fall time change – but I immensely dislike that we change the time. Of course, I know that time isn’t actually changing – it is only our practice of measuring time that changes, but still, it is, at best, an inconvenience. In the spring, especially, I lose an hour of sleep.
I read of a man who refused to change for daylight savings time the way everyone else did. He would only do it in 15-minute increments per day – so it took him the better part of a week to make the change completely.
In the spring, I think getting up in the dark is the hardest thing for me. I don’t like to get up – and I don’t do it gracefully. I resist until the last possible moment – and even then, I’m rather grumpy about the whole thing. But when it is dark outside – my body screams in protest – “NO! I don’t want to!”
There is, however, a “but” when I say that. Once I am up and on my way, riding my vanpool to work – I enjoy looking up at the sky. Granted, the streetlights and other light sources in and surrounding Atlanta do not allow me to see many stars. I know they are there even when I can’t see them. I am fascinated by the thought that thousands of years ago – the constellations of Orion, the Bear (Big Dipper) and Pleiades are mentioned (see Job 9:9, Job 38:31 - 32 and Amos 5:8). When we took our trip to Florida a couple of weeks ago, there was nothing to keep me from seeing the heavens, and all their glory.
Even in those things we hate, there is something to celebrate. Perhaps I will spend more time “considering the heavens” and less time complaining about getting up in the dark – at least until tomorrow morning.
Let me just say it here – I hate time change. I hate the springtime change more than I hate the fall time change – but I immensely dislike that we change the time. Of course, I know that time isn’t actually changing – it is only our practice of measuring time that changes, but still, it is, at best, an inconvenience. In the spring, especially, I lose an hour of sleep.
I read of a man who refused to change for daylight savings time the way everyone else did. He would only do it in 15-minute increments per day – so it took him the better part of a week to make the change completely.
In the spring, I think getting up in the dark is the hardest thing for me. I don’t like to get up – and I don’t do it gracefully. I resist until the last possible moment – and even then, I’m rather grumpy about the whole thing. But when it is dark outside – my body screams in protest – “NO! I don’t want to!”
There is, however, a “but” when I say that. Once I am up and on my way, riding my vanpool to work – I enjoy looking up at the sky. Granted, the streetlights and other light sources in and surrounding Atlanta do not allow me to see many stars. I know they are there even when I can’t see them. I am fascinated by the thought that thousands of years ago – the constellations of Orion, the Bear (Big Dipper) and Pleiades are mentioned (see Job 9:9, Job 38:31 - 32 and Amos 5:8). When we took our trip to Florida a couple of weeks ago, there was nothing to keep me from seeing the heavens, and all their glory.
Even in those things we hate, there is something to celebrate. Perhaps I will spend more time “considering the heavens” and less time complaining about getting up in the dark – at least until tomorrow morning.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Finding Joy
I have much to celebrate this morning. We received word Friday night that our dear friends in Japan are safe. She said they experienced a few minor quakes in the area they live – but they are far removed from the big earthquake, and were protected from the tsunamis. Anytime there is a world disaster, I hurt for the people who live there, or for the families of those who have died, but when I personally know someone who could be potentially in harm’s way, it makes it even worse. And while I rejoice in my friend’s safety, I hurt for the thousands of people who have lost loved ones, and property, and quite possibly jobs. And I continue to pray for them. We have no way of knowing the full extent of the cataclysmic devastation in that part of the world – and it may be some time before we do.
On a personal note – I continue to lose. Just a couple more ounces and I will be officially below 240 pounds. I am looking forward to that day – and the day when I can say I’ve lost a total of 200 pounds – just 5 more pounds.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV) I definitely do not understand why things happen the way they do – but I do believe that God is bigger than everything going on in the world today – and I believe that I’m not required to understand. His requirements for me are simple: “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8, NIV)
On a personal note – I continue to lose. Just a couple more ounces and I will be officially below 240 pounds. I am looking forward to that day – and the day when I can say I’ve lost a total of 200 pounds – just 5 more pounds.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV) I definitely do not understand why things happen the way they do – but I do believe that God is bigger than everything going on in the world today – and I believe that I’m not required to understand. His requirements for me are simple: “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8, NIV)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Devastating World News
I have watched with horror the developing news story of the earthquake and ensuing tsunamis in Japan. The destruction to people and property is enormous. The effects of this will be far-reaching – and people all over the world are praying for the victims. I am waiting word that our recent visitors from Japan are safe. And I believe with all my heart that even though it seems that the very crux of our world is literally falling apart at the seams, God is still on His throne, and still in control. I may not understand the why – but I trust the WHO!
As humans, we have no control over things like earthquakes, or tsunamis, or natural disasters. We have no control over choices that other people make. There really is very little we CAN control, and even then, we often do not dominate what we should and could.
“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ…” (Titus 2:11-13, NIV)
A quick update on the “pants on the ground” – last night as I was changing for yoga class, I did an experiment. I was able to take those jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. I will not be wearing them again.
As humans, we have no control over things like earthquakes, or tsunamis, or natural disasters. We have no control over choices that other people make. There really is very little we CAN control, and even then, we often do not dominate what we should and could.
“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ…” (Titus 2:11-13, NIV)
A quick update on the “pants on the ground” – last night as I was changing for yoga class, I did an experiment. I was able to take those jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. I will not be wearing them again.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Pants on the Ground
Back in November, right before we went on our trip to Canada, I was absolutely thrilled when someone at work gave me several pairs of jeans – size 20. I was able to fit into a couple of those pairs of jeans to take with me on the trip. This morning, I realized that I absolutely need to do some laundry – the jeans that I have been wearing all need to be washed. I rummaged through my dresser drawer – and found one of the pairs that I had been so excited about in November. I put them on, and to my delight, they were quite big. I put them on anyway – with a belt, to be sure – but I’m laughing at my baggy pants all day. They aren’t quite “on the ground” – but what a great feeling to know that I’m going to have to give these away.
So now, depending on the cut, I’m consistently wearing size 18 – with a few pairs that are size 16. Someone stopped me in the store the other day to compliment me on how nice my jeans fit me and how the top I was wearing nicely emphasized my waist and curves. What really cracks me up about that encounter is that it was a complete stranger! I have never met the woman before in my life – but she sure made my day.
I have no illusions about my body (at least, I don’t THINK I have illusions, but maybe that in itself is an illusion?). There are still plenty of places that stick out. There are droopy bits and pieces all over. Right now, with the exception of birthday and Christmas money that I have spent, I am wearing hand-me-downs (gently used). I’m not trying to be a fashionista or a beauty queen. But baby, I’ve come a long way from the size 32 (?) or larger that I used to be. And I’m still losing – still making good choices, and down 194.4 pounds - WOW!
I’m not what I want to be,
I’m not what I’m going to be,
But thank you, Lord,
I’m not what I used to be!
So now, depending on the cut, I’m consistently wearing size 18 – with a few pairs that are size 16. Someone stopped me in the store the other day to compliment me on how nice my jeans fit me and how the top I was wearing nicely emphasized my waist and curves. What really cracks me up about that encounter is that it was a complete stranger! I have never met the woman before in my life – but she sure made my day.
I have no illusions about my body (at least, I don’t THINK I have illusions, but maybe that in itself is an illusion?). There are still plenty of places that stick out. There are droopy bits and pieces all over. Right now, with the exception of birthday and Christmas money that I have spent, I am wearing hand-me-downs (gently used). I’m not trying to be a fashionista or a beauty queen. But baby, I’ve come a long way from the size 32 (?) or larger that I used to be. And I’m still losing – still making good choices, and down 194.4 pounds - WOW!
I’m not what I want to be,
I’m not what I’m going to be,
But thank you, Lord,
I’m not what I used to be!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
My Garden
I don’t have a green thumb. In fact, if my husband has to go out of town, he leaves VERY strict instructions regarding his plants: Don’t touch the plants. Don’t water the plants. Don’t even TALK to the plants. He knows my secret – plants would sooner commit suicide than languish under my care, because whether I love them too much, or neglect them completely, they are surely going to die a slow, painful death.
But I DO have a garden. It isn’t a garden of plants; it’s a garden of friends – and there are all kinds of friends in this garden. Some are lilies– strong and independent – a flower of beauty individually and when combined in a bouquet. Some are daisies – complicated with many layers, but spreading sunshine to everyone they come in contact with. Some are violets – shy and retiring, content to be part of the background. Some are pansies – their bright colors making every one smile. Some are roses, covered with thorns, but when someone takes the time to look past the prickles, he or she finds a blossom of exquisite beauty and fragrance. Most of them have qualities of more than one flower, but combined they make my garden a beautiful place to spend time.
Many of my friends might be surprised with my choice of flower for them. Most of the time, we do not see ourselves the way that people around us see us. I don’t know which flower my friends might see me as, although I hope most of the time it’s not an annoying weed.
When I was a very young girl, my favorite hymn was “In the Garden.” I felt like that song had been written just for me because of the chorus:
“And He walks with me and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we TARRY there,
None other has ever known.”
I had not yet learned to read, and I thought this song had my name in it. Anytime we were allowed to pick favorite hymns – this was ALWAYS my choice.
As an adult, this is still one of my favorite hymns, but for different reasons:
“I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.”
To sit quietly in my garden of friends, to fellowship with Jesus and with them, nothing could be sweeter.
But I DO have a garden. It isn’t a garden of plants; it’s a garden of friends – and there are all kinds of friends in this garden. Some are lilies– strong and independent – a flower of beauty individually and when combined in a bouquet. Some are daisies – complicated with many layers, but spreading sunshine to everyone they come in contact with. Some are violets – shy and retiring, content to be part of the background. Some are pansies – their bright colors making every one smile. Some are roses, covered with thorns, but when someone takes the time to look past the prickles, he or she finds a blossom of exquisite beauty and fragrance. Most of them have qualities of more than one flower, but combined they make my garden a beautiful place to spend time.
Many of my friends might be surprised with my choice of flower for them. Most of the time, we do not see ourselves the way that people around us see us. I don’t know which flower my friends might see me as, although I hope most of the time it’s not an annoying weed.
When I was a very young girl, my favorite hymn was “In the Garden.” I felt like that song had been written just for me because of the chorus:
“And He walks with me and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we TARRY there,
None other has ever known.”
I had not yet learned to read, and I thought this song had my name in it. Anytime we were allowed to pick favorite hymns – this was ALWAYS my choice.
As an adult, this is still one of my favorite hymns, but for different reasons:
“I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.”
To sit quietly in my garden of friends, to fellowship with Jesus and with them, nothing could be sweeter.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Another First - but NOT a Good One
We had company from Japan this past weekend. We thoroughly enjoyed their visit – even though it was much too short. Our visitors included a 6-year-old boy and a 9-month-old boy. They were such a joy. The older child is learning English – and knows his colors and his numbers, as well as several phrases in English. He wanted so badly to play with our cats, but two stayed in hiding (except for the times he crawled under the bed with them). My cat, Sonny, decided that no HUMAN was going to keep him from going and being where he wanted to be, and he did a LOT of hissing at our visitor. That little boy wasn’t fazed at all – he just hissed right back. The 6-year-old had two speeds – turbo, and dead (asleep). While we loved having them – we also realized just how old we are – and really enjoyed the quiet when everyone was on their way back to Japan.
Saturday evening, they cooked for us. We ate with the new chopsticks they gave to us. The dish was pork, cabbage, onions, and carrots (purchased here) and noodles and sauce (they brought with them.) It was delicious, but halfway through the meal, I knew something wasn’t right. I excused myself, went in and lay on the bed, but only a few minutes passed before I was in the bathroom, throwing up. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t eating too fast – I do OK with chopsticks, but I would hardly call myself proficient. I don’t think I ate too much – although I did eat more vegetables than I am used to eating. (At first, I thought it must have been the noodles growing in my stomach, LOL!) It was the first time since my surgery that I have been sick. When the nausea continued into Sunday and Sunday evening – I figured it must have been a bug of some kind.
OK, I know – this isn’t pleasant to talk about – but I must admit, it was a real fear for me. I have heard horror stories of people who have had gastric surgery writhing in agony before they are sick – and that wasn’t my experience at all. It was unpleasant, but not gruesome, and best of all, I survived. I stayed home from work yesterday – and slept until just after noon. The good news from all of this is that it kicked the weight loss back into gear – I’m down a total of 195 pounds (135 since surgery). And while it is NOT the way I would recommend to lose weight, it is still a silver lining to being sick.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34, NIV)
Saturday evening, they cooked for us. We ate with the new chopsticks they gave to us. The dish was pork, cabbage, onions, and carrots (purchased here) and noodles and sauce (they brought with them.) It was delicious, but halfway through the meal, I knew something wasn’t right. I excused myself, went in and lay on the bed, but only a few minutes passed before I was in the bathroom, throwing up. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t eating too fast – I do OK with chopsticks, but I would hardly call myself proficient. I don’t think I ate too much – although I did eat more vegetables than I am used to eating. (At first, I thought it must have been the noodles growing in my stomach, LOL!) It was the first time since my surgery that I have been sick. When the nausea continued into Sunday and Sunday evening – I figured it must have been a bug of some kind.
OK, I know – this isn’t pleasant to talk about – but I must admit, it was a real fear for me. I have heard horror stories of people who have had gastric surgery writhing in agony before they are sick – and that wasn’t my experience at all. It was unpleasant, but not gruesome, and best of all, I survived. I stayed home from work yesterday – and slept until just after noon. The good news from all of this is that it kicked the weight loss back into gear – I’m down a total of 195 pounds (135 since surgery). And while it is NOT the way I would recommend to lose weight, it is still a silver lining to being sick.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34, NIV)
Friday, March 4, 2011
Update on Dad
Sorry – I forgot to update everyone on Dad. He bruised and sore – but the prosthesis knee was not damaged. He did sprain his big toe, and apparently has to wear a cute little boot while that heals. He said today there were several more spots on his body that are aching today – but he will live – this time, anyway! Thanks for the prayers!
I'm STUCK!
As humans, we certainly have the tendency to get stuck in places that often we probably should not have visited in the first place. When I was a little girl, I loved to climb trees. I started climbing trees at a very young age – long before I ever went to school. Most of the time I climbed up and down with no problems. But there was one tree that I always got stuck in – a massive pine tree up behind my grandmother’s house. All of the grandkids called the various platforms and “ladders” a tree house, but in reality, there wasn’t much “house” to it at all. I could easily get up the wood slats that had been nailed to the trunk to form a ladder. And once I was in the tree, I had no problem navigating from one platform to another, or from one branch to another. But eventually, what goes up must come down, and that is where the biggest problem was. In order to get from the lowest platform to the top rung on the “ladder” I had to turn on my belly, let my legs dangle off the platform – and stretch to reach that first rung. Invariably, I would get scared. My older cousins didn’t help any – pressuring me to “just do it” or making fun of me when I was too scared to try. I would end up in tears, and eventually someone would have to go and find my Dad, and he would have to come and talk me down.
Right now, I’m stuck. For the last six weeks, I have hovered within in the same two or three pounds. I’m not gaining, but I’m not losing, either – and I’m frustrated. I should be used to this by now. Plateaus are part of the process, and eventually, I ALWAYS start losing again. I lose for a while, then I don’t lose for a while. This plateau has lasted longer than the others. Intellectually, I KNOW that my body needs to adjust and needs a rest period. But emotionally, I just want to keep losing. However, I believe that I will keep doing what I have been doing, and that eventually I will start losing again.
Sometimes I get stuck in my personal walk with God, too. It feels like my prayers stop at the ceiling and I’m not growing or making any progress. However, I believe that God is still there, and on His throne even in those times when I don’t FEEL it. And I know that He loves me.
“Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (1 John 5:12-14, NIV) (Emphasis is mine.)
Right now, I’m stuck. For the last six weeks, I have hovered within in the same two or three pounds. I’m not gaining, but I’m not losing, either – and I’m frustrated. I should be used to this by now. Plateaus are part of the process, and eventually, I ALWAYS start losing again. I lose for a while, then I don’t lose for a while. This plateau has lasted longer than the others. Intellectually, I KNOW that my body needs to adjust and needs a rest period. But emotionally, I just want to keep losing. However, I believe that I will keep doing what I have been doing, and that eventually I will start losing again.
Sometimes I get stuck in my personal walk with God, too. It feels like my prayers stop at the ceiling and I’m not growing or making any progress. However, I believe that God is still there, and on His throne even in those times when I don’t FEEL it. And I know that He loves me.
“Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (1 John 5:12-14, NIV) (Emphasis is mine.)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Prayers for Dad
My Dad fell off a step yesterday and messed up his right knee and the big toe on his left foot. The bad part is that the knee is a replacement knee, and we don’t know if the fall somehow damaged the prosthesis. He will be going to the orthopedic doctor today to check everything out. Now, I’m not stupid enough to suggest to either of my parents that they should be using a walker or a wheelchair, but the time is coming, for both of them where this might actually have to happen. I have said that I’m about ready to ship both of them off to an iceberg, like the Eskimos do, and just let them float off into the sunset. I’m just too old for all of this drama. I would gladly take the pain that either one of them has, but so far, no one has figured out a way that I can do that. So, for now, keep them both in your prayers, and I will update as I get further information.
One advantage of getting up so early is that we often get to see the sunrise. (OK, truth be told, I would rather NOT be up so early, but since I am – it’s really nice when there is a pretty sunrise.) This morning, the sunrise was glorious. While I was admiring God’s finger-painting with all shades of pink, peach, coral, lavender, and blue, it occurred to me that the most beautiful sunrises (or sunsets) do not happen on bright sunny, cloudless days. They only happen on those days when there are enough clouds to catch and reflect the sun’s rays as it peeks over the horizon. And that made me think of life. I do the most growing not in those times when life is “perfect” and everything seems to be going right. It is during those times of stress and uncertainty that God can be seen in my best in my life – as the clouds on my horizon catch and reflect the very essence of who God is.
My prayer on this journey is that people will understand my success isn’t me, it’s God working in me. I have proven over and over and over again that I am weak when it comes to food. Bit by bit, or should I say, “bite by bite,” God is changing my relationship with food. Someone asked me what I am replacing food with, and I answered “relationships.” That is very true, and no relationship is more important than my relationship with God.
“He who made the Pleiades and Orion, who turns midnight into dawn and darkens day into night, who calls for the waters of the sea and pours them out over the face of the land—the LORD is his name. With a blinding flash he destroys the stronghold and brings the fortified city to ruin.” (Amos 5:8-9, NIV)
One advantage of getting up so early is that we often get to see the sunrise. (OK, truth be told, I would rather NOT be up so early, but since I am – it’s really nice when there is a pretty sunrise.) This morning, the sunrise was glorious. While I was admiring God’s finger-painting with all shades of pink, peach, coral, lavender, and blue, it occurred to me that the most beautiful sunrises (or sunsets) do not happen on bright sunny, cloudless days. They only happen on those days when there are enough clouds to catch and reflect the sun’s rays as it peeks over the horizon. And that made me think of life. I do the most growing not in those times when life is “perfect” and everything seems to be going right. It is during those times of stress and uncertainty that God can be seen in my best in my life – as the clouds on my horizon catch and reflect the very essence of who God is.
My prayer on this journey is that people will understand my success isn’t me, it’s God working in me. I have proven over and over and over again that I am weak when it comes to food. Bit by bit, or should I say, “bite by bite,” God is changing my relationship with food. Someone asked me what I am replacing food with, and I answered “relationships.” That is very true, and no relationship is more important than my relationship with God.
“He who made the Pleiades and Orion, who turns midnight into dawn and darkens day into night, who calls for the waters of the sea and pours them out over the face of the land—the LORD is his name. With a blinding flash he destroys the stronghold and brings the fortified city to ruin.” (Amos 5:8-9, NIV)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Dyeing Eggs
I am so excited! When we lived in Tampa, we hosted an exchange student from Japan. This weekend, she is coming to visit, along with her mother, and her two young sons, one aged 4 years and the other aged 9 months. We haven’t seen her for about 6 years, and are really looking forward to her visit.
One of the things she wants to do is color Easter eggs. She lived with us in the spring, this is something we did with her, and she wants to share it with her mother and children. It might be just a little early to find the official supplies in the stores (when I checked on Monday – there were a few chocolate bunnies out there – but nothing to color eggs) so I decided to do it the old-fashioned way – some food coloring and a little vinegar in a cup of water. This morning, I was checking to make sure I had the supplies. I pulled out one box of food coloring – and there was a red bottle, a blue bottle, and a yellow bottle, all one-third to one-half full. Hmmm, I’d better look again. I found another box, this one with full bottles of blue, red, and yellow. The absence of green food coloring isn’t a surprise. I use a lot of green when I do my Christmas baking. Further investigation found the larger, nearly full bottle of green food coloring. I think I’m set. One more look in the cabinet, and I found ANOTHER box of food coloring – and these were neon – bright pink, bright orange, bright greenish-yellow, and turquoise. Who needs three boxes of food coloring?? And I have no idea where the neon colors came from – I seldom do anything outside of my Christmas baking that requires any color at all, and I have absolutely no recollection of purchasing those neon colors. But we should have plenty of choices when we dye eggs this weekend.
I watched a show last night that showed super coupon shoppers / hoarders. While I did find it impressive that these people were able to purchase several hundred or even thousands of dollars of merchandise for literally, just a couple of dollars, I was amazed to see that, in most cases, they have several rooms and/or garages dedicated to storing all of the stuff they buy. For many of them, cutting out and organizing coupons is a full-time job. The news group airing the show calculated that one man had enough deodorant to last 150 years. That’s a little scary to me.
What does all of this have to do with my weight loss journey? I think that one of my issues with food has always been that I want to eat plenty right now – just in case there isn’t enough food at some point in my future. I have no basis to fear being hungry – I have never been truly hungry. At most, I have missed a meal here or there, but not often, and never to the point where I had more than a little rumbling in my tummy. I don’t know why I felt the need to eat so much, any more than I know why I have so much food coloring. I do know that now – one year after surgery – I no longer fear being hungry. It takes so little to fill me up, that a “normal” serving of food will last me for two or three meals. Those rare occasions when I do go to a restaurant, I always take food home. Maybe I’m getting past the hoarding issues, both in my food, and my food coloring. :)
“Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.” (Proverbs 23:20-22, NIV)
One of the things she wants to do is color Easter eggs. She lived with us in the spring, this is something we did with her, and she wants to share it with her mother and children. It might be just a little early to find the official supplies in the stores (when I checked on Monday – there were a few chocolate bunnies out there – but nothing to color eggs) so I decided to do it the old-fashioned way – some food coloring and a little vinegar in a cup of water. This morning, I was checking to make sure I had the supplies. I pulled out one box of food coloring – and there was a red bottle, a blue bottle, and a yellow bottle, all one-third to one-half full. Hmmm, I’d better look again. I found another box, this one with full bottles of blue, red, and yellow. The absence of green food coloring isn’t a surprise. I use a lot of green when I do my Christmas baking. Further investigation found the larger, nearly full bottle of green food coloring. I think I’m set. One more look in the cabinet, and I found ANOTHER box of food coloring – and these were neon – bright pink, bright orange, bright greenish-yellow, and turquoise. Who needs three boxes of food coloring?? And I have no idea where the neon colors came from – I seldom do anything outside of my Christmas baking that requires any color at all, and I have absolutely no recollection of purchasing those neon colors. But we should have plenty of choices when we dye eggs this weekend.
I watched a show last night that showed super coupon shoppers / hoarders. While I did find it impressive that these people were able to purchase several hundred or even thousands of dollars of merchandise for literally, just a couple of dollars, I was amazed to see that, in most cases, they have several rooms and/or garages dedicated to storing all of the stuff they buy. For many of them, cutting out and organizing coupons is a full-time job. The news group airing the show calculated that one man had enough deodorant to last 150 years. That’s a little scary to me.
What does all of this have to do with my weight loss journey? I think that one of my issues with food has always been that I want to eat plenty right now – just in case there isn’t enough food at some point in my future. I have no basis to fear being hungry – I have never been truly hungry. At most, I have missed a meal here or there, but not often, and never to the point where I had more than a little rumbling in my tummy. I don’t know why I felt the need to eat so much, any more than I know why I have so much food coloring. I do know that now – one year after surgery – I no longer fear being hungry. It takes so little to fill me up, that a “normal” serving of food will last me for two or three meals. Those rare occasions when I do go to a restaurant, I always take food home. Maybe I’m getting past the hoarding issues, both in my food, and my food coloring. :)
“Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.” (Proverbs 23:20-22, NIV)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
In the News
In the news this week is yet ANOTHER celebrity who is making poor choices and who seems to feel that the rules and laws that apply to everyone else don’t actually apply to him. (It’s a “him” this week, but it could just as easily be a “her.”) This is just further proof for my mind that we have our priorities seriously screwed up in this country. A person’s worth is based on how big a celebrity he or she is – not on anything real and substantial. Movie star? Politician? Sports figure? Then you are important. Average person trying to get through life – with not a lot of money or fame or people following his or her “tweets”? Not so important. And that’s sad.
Personally – this celebrity’s antics are no longer news to me. If I see him on the television or hear him on the radio, I am changing the channel – and if I am not in a position where I can do that (on the vanpool, for example) I will go somewhere else in my mind. I am not going to watch him in any venue or pay attention to him at all. I can’t change his actions, but I can change how his actions affect me. And from here on out – they won’t. When did it become OK for celebrities to misbehave, and how have we allowed that misconduct to have no consequences? I’m pretty sure if I tried some of those things – they would haul my butt to jail and throw away the key.
I’m not a celebrity – and I really don’t want to be. But I AM important – God tells me I am:
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31, NIV)
Personally – this celebrity’s antics are no longer news to me. If I see him on the television or hear him on the radio, I am changing the channel – and if I am not in a position where I can do that (on the vanpool, for example) I will go somewhere else in my mind. I am not going to watch him in any venue or pay attention to him at all. I can’t change his actions, but I can change how his actions affect me. And from here on out – they won’t. When did it become OK for celebrities to misbehave, and how have we allowed that misconduct to have no consequences? I’m pretty sure if I tried some of those things – they would haul my butt to jail and throw away the key.
I’m not a celebrity – and I really don’t want to be. But I AM important – God tells me I am:
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31, NIV)
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