Celebrating

I am anxiously anticipating the arrival of my "100 pounds since surgery" celebration. It's probably no big deal for some people, but for me, I'm really excited - I have a new order of coffee coming in for my Keurig coffee maker. As we speak, it is on a FedEx truck racing to my office. Whoohoo! Southern Pecan coffee (my favorite!) - Spiced pumpkin (my SECOND favorite, and only available in the fall/winter seasons) - and I'm trying a new one, Mocha Nut Fudge. A lot of people don't like the flavored coffees, but it is one way that I can get some flavor without adding a lot of calories. It makes me smile every morning, and that is a good thing.

Here's hoping you find something to celebrate today - I'm also celebrating my wonderful friends and family - who have been with me every step of this journey - I love you!

31 Weeks

My weight is holding steady - but I'm still losing inches. I'm down 105.50 inches, or 8 feet, 9.5 inches! And this morning, without even thinking about it - I tightened my belt a notch. I only noticed it when I had trouble getting the end of the belt through the buckle - it was really stiff. When I looked down, WOW! There it was, in the second notch. Too cool! No complaints about that.

Today was one of those frantic mornings. I turned off my alarm, and instead of getting up - I closed my eyes for "one more minute." I'm supposed to leave my house at 6:10 - and it was 5:55 when I woke up! But I had packed my lunch last night, so I was able to fly through my morning routine, and even get my measurements before flying out of the door - at 6:12! Not too shabby for an old lady.

Of course, it really didn't matter, traffic was a nightmare - so the van was about 20 minutes late getting to my stop. I hate mornings like this!

But we made it to work - and I was only 3 minutes late clocking in. I think I've caught my breath now - so I will probably make it...WHEW!

Fall Is Here...

Autumn is my absolutely favorite time of year! I love the cooler weather. I love the fall colors! I love wearing sweaters. I love the anticipation for the holidays. This morning is the first day it has really felt like fall.

But fall also means that I have to be even more diligent about making good choices. There are many seasonal temptations that just don't exist any other time of the year. Turkey and all the trimmings...holiday baking...pumpkin pie...

I'm glad that I have had seven months(or by Thanksgiving, nine months) to really work on changing my lifestyle and my eating habits. Hopefully, I have had time to cement NEW habits - that will make this time of year easier. My goal this year is to lose weight over the holiday season - not just maintain. And to do that, I will have to be extra careful. But I'm confident that I will make good choices - especially with all my cheerleaders watching! Thanks, everyone, for celebrating with me!

Near Normal?

When I was in college in Lincoln, Illinois, I had a professor with a very droll sense of humor. Anytime anyone asked him how he was, he would give one of two answers. My favorite was "Bloomington." Unfortunately, this would only make sense if you were familiar with the region around Lincoln. There were two small towns, virtually on top of each other: Bloomington and Normal. So when my professor said, "Bloomington" what he was really saying was "Near Normal."

At no time in my life have I ever been called "NORMAL" or anything near it! And for most things, this suits me just fine. I like being outside the box - breaking the mold. I think differently, I act differently, I like different things.

However, one place that I have always hated being different was my weight. I hate that the hostess in a restaurant sized me up to determine if I could squeeze into the booth, or at a table in the seats that had arms. And when she couldn't decide, she would throw it to me - "table, or booth?" I have not had a hostess ask that question in about four months. I was wondering why, and it hit me all of a sudden - they look at me at see "near normal" now - I'm still big - but I'm not the biggest person to walk into the restaurant. And, much to my delight, I can fit comfortably in either a booth OR an chair with arms. So, it really doesn't matter. TOO COOL!

I did have an interesting encounter over the weekend. Someone got all up in my face about having plastic surgery - after I reach my goal weight - for a tummy tuck, under my arms, etc. I calmly tried to explain that it was cosmetic surgery, and I didn't have the money for it. She kept pressing, and finally I told her that if she wanted to pay for it, I would be happy to have the surgery. She just so doesn't get why I have done this - for her, it is 100% about the way I look. (I later checked with a friend who was sitting with us, to make sure I had handled the situation well. The friend said I responded with a lot more grace and control than she would have. Whew! I was so afraid that my irritation was going to come through, and believe me, I WAS irritated!)

Oh yeah, the OTHER response my professor used to give was, "Like paper" - which of course, meant, "Tearable" (read, terrible!) GROAN!

Debunking the Food Myths - Part 5

I thought long and hard about this blog. I was originally going to say that food is pleasurable - but that really isn't a myth. Sometimes, just the act of eating is very pleasurable and enjoyable. Remove all of the other things surrounding food - pleasant memories, fellowship with other people, the hope that it will make me feel better, or help me escape - and still food can be pleasureable. So, I will say it this way:

Myth #5: Food is Enjoyable - and the MORE, the BETTER

My Dad is a preacher - and because his work was often in new church / missionary areas - we moved around a LOT. One really cool aspect of that is each region has its own food specialty. My Mom is a great cook, and learned to cook whatever the local delicacies were. She can cook Italian like she came from the Old Country. She can fix seafood like a Maritimer. And she cooks Southern better than Paula Dean.

Most of my life, I have not been content with just a small portion of the food I like. If I liked it - I wanted to eat until I was absolutely stuffed. One of my all time favorite foods is lasagna. There is never a time when I won't eat lasagna. I have always been able to pig out on any Italian food - and I have often eaten as if this were my very last meal - and I would never get this particular food again. And yet, somehow, there was always another time where I could eat it.

This is perhaps, for me, the biggest change that weight loss surgery has brought about - I absolutely, physically cannot eat more than a small amount. Where once I would eat a huge portion, and then quite possibly go back for seconds - now I only eat a tiny amount. I have learned to enjoy my food bite by bite - and get the same pleasure from those bites that I used to get from a gigantic serving. If I happen to order lasagna in a restaurant, I take home enough to have two, or sometimes three, more meals. I have embraced the BLT philosophy: Be content with a bite - or a lick - or a taste.

Today is seven months since my surgery. Perhaps the most significant thing that has happened since February 24 is that I can now recognize the myths I built around food.

Debunking the Food Myths - Part 4

Myth #4 - Food Is a Magic Carpet That Allows Me to Escape

Wouldn't it be nice to have my very own magic carpet - so that when things got uncomfortable or painful - I could fly away and forget? I'm not sure what the license requirements are for flying carpets. But using food to try to escape didn't require a license - and I became very, very good at trying to escape things in my life. When the pain was so bad that I couldn't breathe - I ate. When the shame and humiliation piled up - I ate. When relationships were falling apart - I ate. But like drugs or alcohol - the thing I was using to escape really didn't work. My life didn't change because I ate. The problems didn't go away because I ate. And it didn't matter that I ate more and more...there was no escaping my reality.

It would have been much, much better for me to face those ugly things in my life and to try to deal with them. Eventually I did have to deal with them. But I wasted nearly half of my life because I hadn't faced the pain, the loss, and the heartache. Those are years that I was so busy trying to escape, that I missed the truly joyful things about life, right here, right now.

Being addicted to food - and to the things I hoped to get from food - is like any other addiction. I have to make choices one day at a time - sometimes one minute at a time. However, unlike other addictions, it is not possible to live my life without food. (An alcoholic can choosed never to take another drink. A drug addict can choose never to have another pill or snort or injection.) If I were to choose never to eat anything again, I would eventually die from malnutrition. So I have to be very, very careful what I choose. Eat enough to provide the nutrition I need. Don't eat more than that - no matter how tempting - no matter what pressure other people are putting on me. For me, it's a very fine line.

Last night at church, something very, very special happened to me. My preacher came up to me, and said, "I know that I haven't said this often enough to you. But I've been watching, and I want you to know that I'm really proud of you. In a rare instance where I was on Facebook last night - I saw your post about losing 100 pounds since surgery. The other night I heard you say something about you could have dessert if you wanted to, but that you were choosing NOT to. Keep up the good work."

This journey has not always been easy. Fighting my personal myths about food is not automatic - sometimes I really have to dig in my heels and make myself do it. But today, right now, it is so worth it!

Debunking the Food Myths - Part 3

Myth #3 - Food is the Glue that Connects Me to the People Around Me

There is an old Italian Proverb: "Chi mangia sulo s'affoga." Literally, "He who eats alone suffocates." In our society, food is quite literally tied to every celebration, every life event, and very nearly every thing we do. Deciding what to eat, where to eat, and with whom we will eat can take up an enormous amount of time. Before my surgery, I was really afraid that taking that aspect out of my life would affect my relationships.

In all fairness, I have never thought that food was the ONLY thing tying me to my friends and family. But in many instances, it seemed like a MAJOR thing that connected us. There have been days, admittedly not many, but still some days where it seemed the only conversation my husband and I had was about where or what we would eat. And there are still some days where that is the first converation we have.

Sharing with friends or family over a meal is natural for us. Many of the stories about Jesus involve Him eating a meal - and using it as a time to teach - about tolerance or about His mission. He ate with "sinners" - much to the dismay of the religious leaders of the time. He fixed breakfast for the disciples after His resurrection. He turned water into wine at a wedding feast. Many of His parables talk about a feast. People can be their most relaxed around the dinner table, and because food is a basic necessity - we all understand this significance.

But sharing over a meal is not at all the same thing as sharing BECAUSE of the meal. The SHARING is the important aspect - not the meal itself. And the most wonderful thing has happened to me in the 30 weeks since surgery...I share more while I am eating less. My small portions do not take much time to consume, so I really have time to share with the person(s) at the table.

Debunking the Food Myths - Part 2

Myth #2 - FOOD IS A MEDICINE THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER

Comfort food - it's supposed to make me feel better. But I can honestly say - never, not one single time, have I ever felt as good after eating something as I wanted to feel, or as I thought I would feel. I strongly suspect that eating for comfort probably stems back to my childhood. Cookies and milk - after school - talking about my day with my Mom. In reality it was most likely the talking with my Mom that made me feel better, coupled with the fact that she was all mine for a little while. But somehow, the food became associated with that feeling. And like any drug, eventually the amount I ate wasn't enough. So I would cram more in, hoping to find that comfort.

But for years, food hasn't made me feel better - at all. If I had just stopped for a minute to think about it BEFORE I started stuffing it into my face - I would have realized that. But I looked for that good feeling - that "all is right with the world" high. And it never came.

The weight loss surgery makes it impossible to stuff food in until I feel "good." But, I'm happy to say, that I was making changes in this area before I ever had my surgery. I know that it is a downward spiral - I feel bad, I eat and eat, then I feel worse, which makes me eat more...but finally, it dawned on me that I didn't feel better. In fact, I almost always felt worse - with a huge helping of guilt on top of everything. After being diagnosed with heart failure - I could easily tie how I felt physically to how much salt I had eaten. Cutting out salt, meant cutting out at least half of the comfort foods I usually ate, and being diagnosed as a diabetic cut out a large portion of the rest of my comfort foods. In the six months immediately prior to surgery, I lost 60 pounds, so I was making better choices.

Now, though, those "uncomfort" foods create an even bigger problem. My new stomach just doesn't tolerate either the kinds of food or the quantities of food that I used to use for comfort. And the effect is immediate - anywhere from a few minutes of extreme discomfort to a few hours of moderate discomfort - and the change I started before surgery is growing into a permanent change. Food absolutely WILL NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, and many, many times will make me feel worse.

This doesn't mean that everything is right in my life - far from it. I still have the same hurts, disappointments, betrayals that everyone has. But I'm learning, slowly and surely, to deal with it in ways that does not involve food.

OH, and HAPPY DANCE OF JOY today - 100 pounds since surgery!!!

Debunking the Food Myths

In preparation for weight loss surgery - one of the requirements is that the person considering the surgery have a psychiatric evaluation. They need to make certain that people have a healthy expectation of what the surgery will and will not do.

Back before my surgery, my counselor asked that I make a list of all the things that food was to me - and we explored what those losses would be - so that I would be somewhat prepared for the reality of not having food in my life. Most of the things on my list were actually myths - perhaps what I WANTED food to be for me - but I thought it might be beneficial to look at my list again, so I thought for the next several days, I would look at each of MY myths, one by one - and see where I am now.

MYTH #1 - FOOD IS MY B.F.F.

As I have stated before - I have done much of my eating in secret. Nobody ever knew about the things I ate when other people were not around. I've come to the conclusion that ANY realationship - whether it be with food, or drugs, or another person - that I cannot talk about, is at it's very core, unhealthy. Any relationship that I lie about - whether by not telling everything about it - or by deliberately stating a falsehood - is not healthy. And for much of my adult life that WAS my relationship with food. I didn't want to do any kind of food diary - because I didn't want to admit to all myself, or anybody else, exactly what I put into my mouth every day.

My first marriage was a tangle of infidelity, control, and abuse (his, not mine). He was extremely jealous of any time and and person that did not revolve around him. As the years went by, I spent more and more time alone, and it seemed that the only "friend" I had was food. Only, food really wasn't a friend at all. Besides the secrecy part - there was also the fact that the food I was eating was not good for me. A friend wants only the best for you - food - both the kind of food and the quantity of food - was not best for me in any way, shape or form.

Now, I KNOW that food is not my friend. Food is the vehicle by which I get nutrition. I do sometimes eat while I'm alone - but I no longer eat in SECRET. I would tell (and have told) anyone exactly what I eat in a day, without the slightest bit of shame or embarrassment.

God has blessed me with wonderful friends - people who care deeply about me. I don't NEED food to be a friend. Thank you, everyone - for loving me.

How Much Have You Lost???

I hear this question all the time, and I don't ever mind answering it. A friend sent this to me in an email - and it is rather interesting. I'm happy to report that I've lost the complete Oxford English Dictionary AND an average newborn. (Or, I could say 100 dozen large eggs, a chihuahua, and a rack of baby back ribs. This could be fun! And check out 60 pounds - not something a lady would brag about in polite company - but I'm no lady, and I rarely hang out in polite company! LOL!) I'm making progress!

How much have you lost?
1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds = chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis (yep, weights more than his heart!)
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

I'm Tired...

I'm tired this morning. Not just a little sleepy - like the kind of thing that happens after a poor night's sleep. I'm bone-weary - all the way down to the deepest parts of me. I pushed hard this past weekend - and now I'm paying the price. But, it's a price that I know have to pay sometimes, so I'm not REALLY complaining.

Last night, I went to bed by 9:30 - and I read about 20 minutes before turning out the light. I will probably go to bed even earlier tonight - and hopefully will see a difference tomorrow.

I'm also at a plateau...gain a few ounces, lose a few ounces, but not really losing significantly. The cool thing is that even when I gain - I'm still below 280 pounds. I like that.

A Serious Condition

Sad, intense music in the background. I want to talk today about a serious condition affecting millions of otherwise healthy people in this country alone - and billions of people worldwide. There are no telethons for this condition - no celebrity sponsors - and to my knowledge, there is no research being done to find a cure. I'm talking about U-A-D-D. (Under Arm Dingle Dangle) Won't you help today?

Seriously, this is a problem that many people face after weight loss surgery. When I first had my pacemaker put in over five years ago - the doctor got right in my face and told me that I couldn't do any kind of upper body workout - because it could affect how the leads were positioned in my heart. Both my husband and I understood him to say that this would be the case forever.

But last week, when I went to my current cardiologist, I asked him about it. He was very surprised - and said that he tells people not to do anything for six weeks - to give everything a chance to heal - but after that, it's fine. He did say not to do anything over 25 pounds (it's doubtful that I would anyway) - and lots of reps at a low weight was better for me, but he gave me the green light to go ahead. Whew - I doubt I'll ever cure all of the UADD - but it would be nice to work on it some.

Today is 29 weeks since surgery. I'm about the same as last week - 157.4 pounds down. I'm not complaining though - can you imagine carrying 157 pounds of butter - or nearly 16 sacks of potatoes - or 13 bowling balls? I'm thankful not to have that anymore!

A New Mindset

Last Friday, I won the costume contest for female contestants at our Annual Choir Retreat at church. The prize was a $20 gift card to WalMart. When I went there to spend it - my husband yelled at me. (OK - maybe yell is the wrong word.) But he did say, "What are you doing in the Women's section? You don't need to shop there anymore!" He's right - I hate to admit that, but he is absolutely right. I don't have to go to the plus size section of the store anymore if I am buying a top. That is difficult to remember - because for so long, if I bought ANYTHING in a store like WalMart - and there wasn't much I could buy - it HAD to be in that department. Old habits die hard, and that is where I naturally go to look. But he steered me in the right direction - and I found two lovely tops.

Shopping in the plus size department is not the only habit that is hard to break. But one by one - I'm working on them. Some, like eating much smaller portions, and eating more often each day, have been fairly easy - because I literally do not have room for any more than that. Others, like reaching for a snack that is good for me, have taken a little more work. Nuts instead of chips. A cheese stick instead of a cookie. Focus on the protein instead of even other healthy choices, like fruits or veggies. I'm making progress in all of these areas, even if there are times when it seems the progress is very slow.

And today is my sweet husband's birthday. Happy Birthday, DAVE! I love you.

What a Weekend...

I did NOT make good choices this weekend. At all. We ran all weekend - I took Friday off work to go to the cardiologist, and to help my husband get everything ready for our choir retreat on Friday night. Saturday - we spent a good part of the day cleaning up from the retreat, and another good part of the day shopping. Sunday - like always - was busy. We ate out almost every meal the whole weekend. When we WERE home - I was tired - bone weary exhausted.

I don't think I over ate - this surgery does a great job at preventing that. But I did not necessarily eat things that were good for me. Especially when I was at home. For some reason, the only thing I ever really crave - are salty snacks. (Certainly NOT the chocolate and sweets that I used to crave.) But typically, salty snacks do not have much protein, the one thing that I'm really supposed to eat. And they DO have salt - the one thing I am NOT supposed to eat. So, for me, they are pretty much just wasted nutrition opportunities. And I don't feel good when I eat them. And I know better. But this weekend, I didn't care. At all.

So, today, I'm ready to make better choices. No more Sun Chips. I'm going to do what I'm supposed to do. One day at a time.

I have posted a couple of new pictures - one of me in my bathing suit - and one of me in the new jeans - sporting the belt that a good friend made for me. The bathing suit picture is a stretch for me - I'm really putting myself out there. But I committed to being open and honest about everything - and wearing the bathing suit is a lot of what I have done this summer. I love the jeans and the belt, though. So much so that I went against what I ususally do on Sundays and wore the jeans and the new belt to church. Guess what - the roof didn't cave in! I had a lot of compliments, which made me feel good.

Baggy Jeans...

I purchased my jeans on August 6 - and last night at church, more than one person commented about my "baggy jeans." I can't decide if that makes me happy, or sad. Happy - for sure - because it means I'm still losing and it is still showing. But sad - absolutely - because I LOVE my jeans - I would live in them all the time if that were feasible - and it made me realize that it doesn't make sense to spend a lot of money buying clothes - because I am still changing size and shape.

A good friend is making a belt for me - it's been ages and ages since I've had a belt - so I am looking forward to that. And maybe when I get the belt - I'll be brave enough to actually wear a shirt tucked into my jeans. I'm sure I can make the jeans work, for a while, anyway.

Another brave thing I'm considering - it's time for another picture, so I am seriously considering having it taken in my bathing suit. I haven't decided yet - so I might chicken out - but I'm trying to be open and honest about this whole process - so look for it.

I have another cardiologist's appointment tomorrow, and will be taking the day off work. I'm not sure when / if I will get to post tomorrow.

28 Weeks

Since surgery - down 97.6
Since 2 Weeks pre-op - down 106.4
Total - down 157.4

WOW - I never thought I would say that - I never thought I would be here, especially after only 28 weeks. But here I am - loving every minute of it.

I must confess that I absolutely ADORE the animated Christmas specials every year - and if it is at all possible - I WILL watch each and every one of them. One of my favorites, "Santa Claus Is Coming To Down" (1970 - Fred Astaire as the voice of the narrator, and Mickey Rooney as Kris Kringle) - has a song in it that I have always loved, "Put One Foot in Front of the Other." Basically, it talks about how you can't go anywhere until you put one foot in front of the other and take the first step.

This year, that show, and especially that song will mean more to me than ever. This journey has been made up of little steps, but when they are added together - LOOK HOW FAR I'VE COME!!! And the first step is by far the most important. It is that first step that makes the difference - that determines the path the journey will take. Without that first step, I would weigh nearly 160 pounds more than I do right now - and be miserable.

I frequently go to www.obesityhelp.com and look at the before and after pictures. And no matter how much weight a person needed to lose, there is one very common denominator in those pictures. The "before" pictures all look so unhappy - with themselves and with everyone else. But the "after" pictures show genuine smiles - not just with the mouth - but with the eyes. I'm happy - I'm doing this.

A friend commented the other day that she noticed how happy I seem now, especially compared with before. You know what - she's right.

"He Looks Good"

Last night was visitation for one of God's beloved. An older man in our church was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over a year ago. He was given 4 - 6 months to live - so we were blessed to have him with us as long as we did - especially since he opted not to do any kind of chemo or radiation. The funeral home was packed last night for visitation - and I cannot tell you how many people said to me, "He looks good." I know that this is a time of grief - and I understand that many times, people do not know WHAT to say - and I think that there is probably some relief to know that this shell, lying in a coffin, resembles the person we loved. But honestly - that phrase drives me crazy!!!! He doesn't look good. He looks dead. And no amount of makeup - and talking about it - is going to change that.

Of course, I did not say this to anyone (except my husband - in the car, after we left the funeral home.) But I did threaten all kinds of dire consequences if anyone, and I do mean anyone, sees me in the same circumstances. After I'm gone, the last thing I want people thinking about is what I look like. Come to think about it - the last thing I want people thinking about while I'm here - is what I look like.

Going through this journey - it's easy to focus on what I (and everyone else) can see. The pounds and inches lost - the smaller size clothes - etc., etc., etc. But the really important things can't be seen, or even necessarily measured - the improved self-image - the improved health - the improved stamina. I don't want to "look good" (although it is a nice side benefit) - I want to feel good. The compliments are nice (and I'm not asking anyone to stop) - but, for me, they are not the main thing.

Regrets...

As a child - one of my favorite poems was "The Purple Cow" by Gelett Burgess.

"I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one."

"The Purple Cow" is reprinted from A Nonsense Anthology. Ed. Carolyn Wells. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1915.

You may, or may not have heard this sometime during your childhood. It always made me smile - at the absurdity of seeing a Purple Cow, and at the thought that ANYONE could be a Purple Cow. But what many people do NOT realize is that he revisited The Purple Cow later in life:

The Purple Cow: Suite

"Ah, Yes! I Wrote the "Purple Cow" --
I'm Sorry, now, I Wrote it!
But I can Tell you Anyhow,
I'll Kill you if you Quote it!"

"The Purple Cow: Suite" is reprinted from The Burgess Nonsense Book Being a Complete Collection of the Humorous Masterpieces of Gelett Burgess. Gelett Burgess. New York: Frederick A. Stokes, 1901.

I have no idea what caused him to so regret writing that little nonsense poem, but regret it he did. He regretted it so much that he didn't even want anyone to repeat it to him.

I have many regrets in my life - far to many to list here. But I also have many things I do NOT regret. I do not regret taking responsibility for my health and my weight. I do not regret deciding on weight loss surgery. I do not regret making healthy choices about diet and exercise. And I absolutely DO NOT REGRET taking this journey - and sharing it with my friends.

Hot or Cold???

For years, I have had hot flashes. They started when I was 29 - a massive ovarian cyst played havoc with my thermostat. At that time, they were only occasional - but the desire to hang out in an industrial size walk-in freezer always accompanied them. Then, 8 1/2 years ago, I had a total hysterectomy, and plunged head first into full menopause. Hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats - I had them all. My husband used to say that anything that lasted as long as what I was going through should not be called a hot FLASH...and I quit even asking, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?" It was ALWAYS just me...

Imagine my surprise, then, when all of I sudden I'm freezing. Not just a little cool - I have been chilled all the way to the bone. Some days my hands were so cold that they ached, and typing on my computer at work was agony. It has been 90+ degrees outside for most of the summer, with humidity at 95% and a heat index well over a 100 degrees. And I have been huddled at my desk with my fleece-lined jacket wrapped tightly around me. I've started sleeping in flannel pj's and socks, because I'm so cold when I go to bed. I take a jacket with me EVERYWHERE, because I just never know when the cold is going to hit.

On the weight loss surgery website I frequently use as a resource - I published a forum asking if anyone else out there was cold. The responses were overwhelming. One lady said if she had known about the bone-chilling cold, she might not have opted for the surgery. I felt better knowing that it was not just me - but if you see me snuggled in my jacket - I'm not sick. Just losing the insulation I have had for years and years. Of the two choices (hot or cold - there doesn't seem to be any middle ground for me - lol!) I think I would rather be cold. You can always add layers and eventually warm up. When you're hot, there are times you could strip down to nothing (as tempting as it might have been, I promise I never did that, at least in public!) and still be hot.

27 Weeks Out

I have lost 154.0 pounds from my biggest.
I have lost 103.00 pounds from 2 weeks pre-op.
I have lost 94.2 pounds from surgery.
I have lost 101.24 inches from 2 weeks pre-op. (8 feet, 5.25 inches)

Last night, I went through clothes. I was ruthless - and packed up everything that is too big. I had shirts and blouses from size 2X to size 5X. I am now consistently wearing X/XL. Even though I originally kept several of these because I LOVED them so much, it was time to say, "GOOD-BYE" to them. I did keep a couple of t-shirts in bigger sizes. One is my "painting shirt" - but that is ALL that I will wear it for. The other I kept to wear as a night shirt, but I have no intention of wearing it anywhere in public. All in all, I feel like I actually accomplished something.

I never thought I would be here after 27 weeks. It's a good place to be.