Just Some Thoughts...

I usually use the hour (or so) vanpool drive in the mornings to plan what I will blog about. This morning I had absolutely NOTHING, so I was looking at all of the billboards along the road, hoping for some inspiration. I was literally bombarded with advertisements for plastic surgery, weight loss programs, new or used cars, air travel of all sorts (Atlanta is a hub for Delta and AirTran), and of course, food of all kinds. And as I was looking at all of these that were trying to get my attention - I noticed the sunrise in the east. The clouds were delicately painted in various shades of lavender and pink and coral. The sky lightened to a beautiful blue. And the effect was totally peaceful. I quit worrying about what I was going to write, and just appreciated the beautiful morning God had given me.

That's when it hit me - our society as a whole, AND we as individuals, spend SO MUCH TIME thinking about things that really and truly do not matter at all. We're obsessed with youth - or at least with looking youthful. We spend billions and trillions of dollars trying to lose weight - to get rid of wrinkles and fine lines - to pretend that we aren't aging by covering up the gray. And we spend very little time thinking about what God wants us to be. He doesn't want us to be young - He wants us to be loving. He doesn't want us to be thin - He wants us to be kind. He doesn't want us to be pretty - He wants us to be forgiving.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (I Corinthians 13:4-8a)

When I quit looking and listening to what the world is literally screaming at me - and focus on God - I am always happier. And filled with peace, and joy, and purpose.

Patience...

I have decided that I'm really not a very patient person. Most of the time, whatever it is that I want - I want it YESTERDAY! But you know what - the world doesn't care - most of the time, people around me don't care - and I have my suspicions that even God doesn't care how long some things take...things will take as long as they take.

Sitting waiting for that train to pass is going take a certain amount of time. I can't hurry it up just by being frustrated, and eager to get on my way. Waiting for the person at the doctor's office to come take my blood is one of my least favorite things to do - and I am NOT going to hurry them along by complaining about it. (In fact, I strongly suspect that complaining just makes them drag their feet even more.) And impatiently waiting to get to my goal weight doesn't really make the weight come off any faster.

The only thing I can really control in all of these situations is my attitude. And my attitude - good or bad - can and does affect not only me, but the people around me, too.

It's been a long, long time since I prayed for patience. Seems like every time I do - then God steps in answers that one in a hurry! Only I don't just wake up one morning with a huge dose of patience - God gives me patience by putting me in situations where I get to practice being patient. For the record - that's usually not exactly what I want. I want patience - like, YESTERDAY! Oh yeah, that's why I usually end up praying for patience in the first place.

Maybe instead of praying for patience, this time around, I'll pray for a better attitude - no matter what my circumstances.

Jeans Out of the Dryer...

There has always been some trepidation - for me, anyway - when I take jeans out of the dryer. Will they fit? Did they shrink too much? Or worse, did I gain? Then there is that awkward moment where I try to squeeze into them, and just pray that I can get them zipped. Even though it has been years since I've worn jeans - the fear was there this morning. I'm happy to report, however, that today, it was totally unfounded. They went up right over my hips - buttoned easily - and then I tried to zip them. Well - there was a LITTLE trouble zipping them, but not because they were too tight. The zipper pull got stuck in the down position under the flap material, and I had trouble getting it out. But when I finally did (without breaking a nail, I might add) they zipped up easily - and I didn't even have to suck in my breath. What a welcome and exciting relief from my fear.

This morning, I have officially lost 152.4 pounds from my biggest, 101.4 since I started tracking two weeks before surgery, and 92.6 since the day of surgery. My dad says that I have lost what he weighed as a football player in highschool. He thinks that is pretty cool. So do I, for that matter.

I will be cleaning out my closet again this weekend. I must confess that I kept some of my very favorite tops, even though they were big. But a funny thing has happened. They aren't my favorites anymore. I still like the colors and the styles, but they just don't look good on me anymore. I have some friends who have given me/will be giving me some clothes that no longer fit them (because they, too, have lost weight - YEA!) - and I need the room. From here on out - I promise to keep only those things that FIT and look good on me NOW.

Six Months Out...

It snuck up on me - but YESTERDAY was my six month anniversary for my surgery. There have been SO MANY changes in those six months...and I have listed them here before. I honestly feel like a butterfly - emerging from the dark cocoon - stretching and strengthening my wings - learning to fly.

Where I am now, versus where I was six months ago - well, it's difficult to even compare. But what if I had not made this decision - what if I had not gone forward with this surgery? I would still be stuck in the cocoon - with no hope of ever getting out. I would be 92 pounds heavier (probably even more than that - because I lost quite a bit of weight right before my surgery.) I would never look in a mirror. I wouldn't be able to wear jeans, or step on the regular scale at the doctor's office. I wouldn't have any breath or stamina to do even basic walking. I wouldn't care at all what I look like - wouldn't fix my makeup, wear jewelry, or even wear clothes that look good on me. I was so miserable. I hated myself, and that had to spill over onto everything else in my life.

So, I guess, the amazing thing is NOT that I decided to have weight loss surgery. The REALLY amazing thing is that it took me so long to make the decision. When I think of the years that I put it off - the tears I cried - the time I wasted...it makes me very sad. But that is my past. I'm looking forward - to even more weight loss - to feeling better and better about myself - to getting below the 200 mark - to flying without an extender. Who knows what the next six months will bring?

Remembering Romper Room

Life was so much simpler way back when Romper Room was on the air. I loved Romper Room - and there were so many life lessons from that show...

1. Start every day with the pledge. It is important to honor your country.

2. Pray when you eat - it doesn't matter who is watching.

3. "Bend and stretch - reach for the stars" - It is good to move and exercise, and if you can do it with a funny little song, even better.

4. "Do Bee" - do be kind. Do be courteous. Do be a listener. If everyone would DO what Mr. Do Bee told us to do, the world would be a better place.

5. "Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play?" This little poem was followed by the teacher looking into her "magic" mirror and every day I listened faithfully for her to call MY name when she said, "I see Tommy, and I see Beth, and I see..." And on those rare occasions when she DID say "Teri" (or even if she said "Teresa"), I believed with all my heart that she was looking directly at me, and could actually see ME! Imagination is a good thing.

The lessons from Romper Room were not difficult. The lessons on the journey through weight loss surgery have been a little harder, but are just as important...

1. Stop eating when you are full.

2. Exercise is good - and more fun with music.

3. Do be patient.

Hmmm...maybe I need to start a TV show about it -

124 Days Until Christmas

I know, I know - this is way too early to be thinking about Christmas. But like it or not, four months from tomorrow Christmas will be here. I am already gearing up for it. The second weekend of September, we have a choir retreat at church. The purpose is twofold: 1 - to have a great time of fun and fellowship, and 2 - to start work on our Christmas musical.

I have already been working hard on this. Every year, I make Christmas ornaments for everyone in the choir - with the year, and the name of the musical we will performing. This will be our 13th Christmas at FCCJ - so those people who have been in the choir the entire time have 13 different ornaments with which they can decorate their tree. I try to do something different each year, and sometimes it has been interesting finding exactly the right thing. But good news, right now I have almost half of them finished, and should be able to finish the rest of them tonight.

More than any other holiday - Christmas is full of memories - and so many of them revolve around food. We also have a big Open House each year, right at the beginning of December. The house is all decorated. I do all of my Christmas baking. The sights and sounds are really something.

But unlike every single other year - this year I will not be able to eat much, especially at my Open House. A bite here - a taste there, and I'm done. I'm already talking to myself - deciding exactly what I will fix, and more importantly what I will eat. By the time the Open House gets here, I will have had over nine months of practice - and I'm confident that I can get through this, too!

A New Day...

Mondays are NOT always my favorite time of the week, but I have to admit, after a busy, busy weekend, it's really nice to get back to the routine, even if it IS a Monday.

On the way to work, I was musing about my recent blogs - lots about clothes, but also about makeup and jewelry - all are things that I honestly gave very little thought to in my former life. I must confess that I have really enjoyed wearing these feminine things - but not necessarily for their own sake. What I REALLY enjoy is the attention I get when I wear these things. I made the comment to my Mom that I'm turning into a girlie girl. She responded with a relieved, "Finally!"

I have struggled with self-esteem issues all my life, and I think that the "tomboy" persona was an attempt to say that I didn't care what other people thought. Or maybe it was fear that no matter what I did, people wouldn't see me as soft and feminine - so it was better just to avoid that altogether. And maybe, just maybe, a large part of the problem was that I didn't see myself as soft and feminine, so it seemed silly to play the part, because eventually, someone would figure out that I'm pretendng.

There is a part of me that still feels like I'm playing dress up. It's difficult to reshape your body. It's even harder to reshape your mind, especially about emotional issues like body image and lifelong mental habits. But on both fronts - I see progress. I don't wear the clothes, or the jewelry, or the makeup for other people - I wear it for me. It DOES make me feel better, and when I feel better, I have more confidence, and when I have more confidence, people respond to it. Do I see myself as a "femme fatale"? Hardly. But I feel a lot less like an alien in the pretty clothes.

Celebrating Today!!!!!

Lots of things to celebrate:

1. Wednesday was 25 weeks since surgery. I hit 150.0 pounds from my biggest - THIS MORNING!!!!

2. I have lost 90.2 pounds since surgery. (99.0 pounds since the two weeks BEFORE surgery.)

3. Last night in yoga - I was able to sit with my legs apart, and take my forehead to each of my knees.

4. I was also able to stand with my legs apart, and come within 2 INCHES of touching my head to the ground!

5. For the first time EVER - I was able to do the tree pose without touching anything. This is a balace pose, where you put one foot either above or below your knee on the other leg - arms in in the prayer position. I cannot do it for very long - but in the past I have ALWAYS had to hold on to a chair or the wall for balance.

I'm making progress - and today, that is worth celebrating!!!!

It's Thursday...

We had an interesting discussion this morning on the van pool ride into work - about frozen cookie dough. As others were talking, I realized that I have not one, but two, tubs of frozen cookie dough - something that I have purchased to support someone's school or band or team. This is significant for a couple of reasons. First, it has been in there for several months. I'm not worried about it going bad while it's frozen, but in my fat life - I would not have left it in the freezer for any length of time. It would have been in the refrigerator - and I would have made up the cookies, or even better, I would have eaten the raw cookie dough. I know, I know, in today's world that is not a good thing - but I LOVE raw cookie dough. (As I child, I frequently told my mother that I would rather have a big bowl of her chocolate chip cookie dough with a candle in it than a birthday cake - unless she made one of her famous stack cakes.) Second, until the conversation this morning, I had forgetten that I even had the cookie dough. And when I realized I DO have it, there was no desire to do anything with it. I made a mental note to use it for my annual open house in December, but beyond that - not a single thought.

I think I can finally say that the days are gone where I binged. It is a little surprising, and a lot horrifying, to think of the things I have eaten at those times when I was just desperate to put something - ANYTHING - in my mouth. I have opened cans of beans or chili - and eaten them straight out of the can. Cake mixes, muffin mixes, brownie mixes - straight out of the box. It did not matter at all how bad it was for me - in fact, sometimes it seemed I was trying to put in the worst possible thing for me.

A friend left some chocolate-flavored "Popsters" at our house - tiny, bite-sized Poptarts, in 100 calorie packages. I spend so little time in the pantry now, that I didn't know they were there. When I finally did see them, I thought I would try it. I didn't even eat half of the package. They tasted fine - but held no real interest for me.

Ready for Colder Weather

I am so over the hot weather. This kind of heat and humidity zaps energy out of just about everyone - and it seems even worse with my congestive heart failure. It makes it difficult to do anything, especially outside, but even inside, I just don't feel like doing anything, and even when I do walk on the treadmill or do the yoga, I don't have the stamina.

We have confirmed our tickets both directions to and from Canada. That will certainly be some cooler weather. I am so looking forward to the trip, even if I fear that I will be freezing. I will just be prepared to wrap up warmly - and I'm sure it will be fine. Just being able to breathe when I walk outside sounds like heaven to me right now.

The plateau continues. At least I'm not gaining - and for that, I am truly grateful. But I look forward to losing again, too. I'm shaking things up a little with my diet, and hope that will get things moving again. Thanks to everyone for the continued support! I love you!

Feeling A Little Blue

Nothing serious - but it finally hit me why. I ALWAYS get a little blue this time of year - back to school. I was one of those nerd children who LOVED school - so much so that I could not wait to get back to books! And this time of year always involved shopping for school supplies. Is there anything like the smell of a brand new box of crayons? Or the feel of a completely untouched notebook, just waiting to be filled with notes and drawings? Or how about the nervous excitement of the first day of school - will I like my teachers? Will they like me? Will someone sit with me at lunch?

It is true that I could go and buy school supplies (and I have purchased these things to donate to children who need them - even if it's not really the same), but if I'm honest that is not what I really miss. I miss the education environment - the chance to excel - to take it to the next level. If I could AFFORD it - I would stay in school for the rest of my life.

But alas, that is not feasible - especially financially. And the toll on my health and stamina would be huge. So, I'll be blue for a few days, and then I will get past it.

The good news in all of this - I haven't started eating just because I'm a little down. I recognize and acknowledge the issue - but I am not falling back into old habits. Maybe I AM still learning...

The Perfect Dress

I remember as a little girl - having the perfect dress - it would float as I twirled around - and it made me feel like a dainty, beautiful princess. OK, I admit it - for me, those days were actually few and far between. I was too much a tomboy to be dainty - too gawky to be beautiful - and way too clumsy to be a princess. (Picture the perfect Prince Charming / Beautiful Princess moment...under the stars, music softly playing in the background, they are both puckered up for the most special kiss, and OOPS, she falls flat on her backside in a mud puddle, ruining her fairy godmother dress. In the process, she knocks over a column with gorgeous flowers in an urn - which sets off a chain reaction that eventually causes a massive fire to the palace. She breaks her leg, trying to get out of the fire, and in trying to rescue her, the Prince goes through a series of mishaps...They don't write fairy tales like that!)

But yesterday, it felt like I had the perfect dress on. The friend who gave me the winter coat, also gave me a couple of dresses. I couldn't wear them at first, but kept trying them on "just in case." I finally was able to get both dresses on - although one is still too tight to look good, or to be comfortable. But the other...it fit perfectly. It was patterned in browns and earth tones. It was a lined dress, and the top layer was diaphanous (sorry, I've just always wanted to use that word about a dress I was wearing) - floaty and flirty - that hung perfectly, hugging the right curves and moving nicely as I walked. And the best part - it is a size 18 - with NO LETTERS after the number. My wedding dress was a 22 - 16 years ago - and I haven't been in anything smaller than that for even years before that. I had so many compliments - but I have to say - as nice as they were to hear, it wouldn't have mattered, because I felt absolutely beautiful.

Officially, I am down 149 pounds. I have held pretty steady for nearly a week now. Several people have said when they hit this kind of plateau - they went back to the liquid diet for a couple of weeks, just to "jump start" things again. I'm seriously considering that option. I'm not unhappy with my progress - not by a long shot - but I would like to get back on the losing side, too.

An Active Imagination

I have always had an active imagination - as I child, I not only saw detailed shapes/people/animals when I looked at the clouds - but I could and did make up stories as those clouds related to other clouds and changed shape. (True confessions - I still do that, but I've learned that most people think it's a little weird when you do it as an adult - so I don't talk about it much...lol!) I can entertain others around me making up a story and dialogue for people I see sitting in a restaurant or riding a bus or walking in the mall. My brain is always "on" and that means that I am never bored. Hopefully, I have learned to use my powers for good and not evil.

But as crazy as my imagination is - I still have trouble seeing me as I am right now. I look in the mirror and see a huge plus-sized woman. Granted, she's not nearly as big as she once was, but she is still enormous. I would like to say that I can imagine me at the goal weight - not skinny - but slender enough to be healthy - with curves in all the right places - wearing regular clothes, and not even thinking about shopping in the plus-sized section of the store. I can't say that - because I can't see it.

Another true confession - while I absolutely adore all the attention I have been getting - I don't really and truly believe it in the deepest, darkest part of me. People have been so supportive of this journey - and I know that they are cheering me on. I always try to be upbeat and positive anytime that anyone comments in anyway about my weight loss. I answer graciously (I HOPE!) and talk about amazing journey - and my commitment to seeing it through - and my gratitude for all my cheerleaders - but it STILL feels like I am talking about somebody else.

What's really bizarre is that I CAN and DO see the end result when I look at a friend or loved one who is trying to lose weight. I can see them successful at the end of the journey. I can see them where they want to be. I don't even have to try very hard. I can encourage when needed - and be gentle when they feel they have "failed." I guess I really need to learn to be as confident in myself as I am in other people.

Small - Medium - LARGE

Last night, my husband informed me that some Kohl's bucks I had earned were going to expire yesterday. I told him he should go over there and see if there was anything he needed/wanted. He said he would go, but that he would see if he could find another top for me. I said that was fine - but if he couldn't - he could just pick up a box of my K-cups for my Keurig coffee maker. (The reason I didn't go is that this heat/humidity/air quality totally wipes me out. Just one of the issues of living with CHF.)

He came back with a top for me, and wanted me to try it on. Of course, my first question was about the size. "Just try it," he insisted, and added that he had found it on the clearance rack. Please understand, I LOVE clearance racks - and some of my best shopping is done on the 50% - 60% - 70% off racks! So, I tried on the top, which fit fine - and THEN he tells me, "It's a large." WHAT?!?!?!?!? How can that be? A large, as in small, medium, LARGE...Oh my! I would never have even looked at it in the store - because in my head, I'm not there. But my wise husband knew better.

And then, just because he is sweet, he bought the coffee K-cups, too. Thanks, honey!

Clothes Make the Man (or Woman)

There is a popular TV show that I have watched on a regular basis, where the friends/family of some poor slob nominate said slob for a clothing makeover. There is always the obligatory drama (but I don't WANT to give up my mini skirt / oversized sweatshirt / sneakers with holes), but ultimately the person gives in, and always likes the new look. For me the most amazing part of the show, and at the same time, the part that always made me question the authenticity, was the MENTAL makeover that happened. The person in question invariably stood a little taller, with a spring in her step, and a wiggle in her walk. I found it questionable that anyone could feel that much better just because they were wearing clothes that fit and looked good.

I am no longer a doubter. Having clothes that fit has made ME stand up a little straighter. I feel better about how I look, and I want everyone to know. Yesterday, I wore my new jeans for the first time, and I can't count the number of people who said something about it. And in response to their comments - I felt even better - standing with my shoulders back (which puts the girls in the optimum position) - I feel a little more flirty - a little better able to "take on the world."

It is easy to get caught in a rut - hiding behind ill-fitting clothes - wearing nothing but dark clothes to look smaller. I like wearing clothes that fit - I like wearing colors. I LIKE when people comment on how nice I look. This is definitely something I can get used to.

An Amazing Weekend...

My husband picked me up from work - and took me to a surprise destination for our anniversary - a hotel in Buckhead, and then dinner to Maggianno's - wonderful Italian food. My niece had her baby - whom we go to meet on Saturday. She is perfect, by the way - 7 pounds, 2 ounces - 18 3/4 inches long - with a head full of black hair! Absolutely adorable, and mother and baby are both doing well. As I held her for the first time, I was expecting the deep joy that accompanies most births. I'm so happy for my niece, and her husband, and my sister and brother-in-law as "Momma D" and "Diddypopper" - (instead of grandma and grandpa). What I wasn't expecting was the pervasive sorrow that washed over me - knowing that I will never, ever hold my own child, let alone my own grandchild. The sorrow passed, the joy remains, but I was quite shaken for a few minutes - I thought that I had long ago grieved over (and gotten past) not having children.

We then spent some time at my parents' house - which was delightful, as always. We played some cards, then went to Kohl's. I bought a pair of jeans - no big deal, right? Well, it was for me. I actually bought jeans that did not have elastic of any kind in the waist - they fit, and they look GOOD! This means that FINALLY my hips and my waist are in proportion, which is an amazing thing for me. It has been years since I purchased jeans, and even longer since I got anything without elastic.

A dear, dear friend came up to me yesterday at church and said something rather startling, except that I know he usually means something OTHER than what you first think he means, so I was happy with his remark. "You are a little hippy." Normally, no male in right mind would EVER say that to a female, under ANY circumstances. But what he meant was, "You used to be a LOT hippy, now you are just a LITTLE hippy." One of the best compliments I have had in a long time.

Happy Anniversary, Dave!

Today is my anniversary - 16 years. We've known each other forever; we dated off and on for three years way back in high school. Wow - that means we've known each other for 32 years! Even when we weren't dating, we were best friends. We parted ways for about 11 years, but when we finally got back together - it was like no time had passed at all.

The only way that I was able to face this journey through weight loss surgery was knowing that I could rely on his strength and his support through all of this. He has been my rock. I can literally say that he has loved me through thick and thin (OK - through thick and less thick - but soon to be thin?)

Some people say that that spouses change, most of the time NOT for the better, after this kind of surgery. So far, that hasn't happened with Dave, and I do not anticipate that it will.

So, thank you, Dave, for everything - and Happy 16th Anniversary, my love!

Nerd Child

Growing up, I was the poster child for nerds and geeks - which meant that I got picked on a lot. When I say that, I'm not looking for sympathy or any kind of special treatment - just acknowledging that part of my past. And because it was part of my past, it has helped shape me into the person I am today.

One of the things that came from this is that I really and truly do not want to cause any kind of pain to anyone. I do cause pain, of course. Every person is going to cause pain to someone else - and usually someone he or she loves. But when it happens, I feel horrible. I would so much rather the pain be mine that someone else's - anyone else's.

Not wanting to cause pain to someone else is a good thing. But taking that pain on myself is not always a good thing. In some ways, it is as if I felt somehow unworthy - and like I deserved the pain. And so much of that feeling seemed to be tied directly to my weight. The bigger I got, the more pain I deserved. It was a never-ending cycle.

But somehow, somewhere, I found the strength to break the cycle. I had the surgery - I'm losing weight - and all of a sudden, I no longer find myself willing OR able to take on everyone else's pain. I still absolutely HATE causing pain, and pray that I will never do so intentionally, but I no longer see myself as deserving of pain.

One gentleman at church teasingly accused me of flaunting IT. I told him you can't flaunt IT if you don't have IT. Not one time in my entire adult life has anyone ever indicated that I have the elusive IT - so I don't know how I got IT - but I sure know that I like IT!

Back to Routine

Tonight, all of our Wednesday night church activities start up for fall. While it seems that summer was impossibly short, it will still be good to get back to the routine.

Last night, we watched some of "Shark Week" on Discovery Channel. For some reason, we just couldn't seem to turn the channel from the program showing the gruesome attacks from the summer of 2001, called by many, the Summer of the Shark. In several places, despite the warnings all over the news about aggressive shark attacks that year, people still went in the water. People still went surfing. People still made choices that threatened life and limb. Many people who were attacked survived, but with deep physical and emotional scars. Several people did NOT survive, and left family and friends with questions and heartache. Dave and I agreed that there is no way whatsoever we would have gone in the water after seeing the warnings.

However, as I think about it this morning, I'm not so sure. All my life I have seen warnings about the dangers of obesity. I know the dangers of high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes - which are aggravated by obesity. I have read the studies on joint pain, immune disorders, female problems - just to name a few. And any one of these things can cause severe injury, or even death, as surely as jumping in the water with a shark that is intent on eating. But I didn't pay attention. Like many people, I assumed that it couldn't and wouldn't happen to me. "I'll start working on this tomorrow."

There is no way to know what might have been prevented if I had not "gone swimming with the sharks" and put on so much weight. All I really know for sure is that I'm out of the water now, and I'm not going back.

Walking On a Treadmill

The doctor wants me to start a more "regimented" walking program, so I now have a treadmill that I am supposed to walk on. I must confess, walking on a treadmill is, at best, boring for me. But I am trying very hard to comply with doctor's orders. I am hoping that forcing myself to do this everyday will eventually make this a habit, and then I won't have to push myself so hard to do it.

I know that exercise should be a part of a healthy lifestyle, and I'm determined to make the changes necessary to bring that about. Right now, I can only do about 12 minutes on the treadmill. As my endurance grows, I expect that number to increase, as well as the speed at which I walk. Like so many things in my life - I'm not where I want to be, and I'm not where I'm GOING to be - but PRAISE GOD! - I'm not where I used to be!

I'm looking at this as the next phase in my weight loss journey. It may not be the most fun, but it will certainly be part of the journey, and ultimately, when I reach my destination - I will look back and be glad that I made this choice. And did you catch that - I said, "when," not "if."

Coats and Confidence

I had a great weekend! I got to spend time with my folks. I hung out at the pool and my tan is glowing. I got to hang out with good friends. I had a two hour massage. A dear friend returned from a two month stint on Mercy Ships. Life is good.

We are going to Canada late this fall - and my winter coat is miles too big - so a friend of my mother's sent down a coat for me to try. It is beautiful - long, bright red - with a hood (OK - my husband calls me little red riding hood) - but my Mom was a little concerned that I might not be able to wear it. I tried it on - and it fit perfectly! Then she told me what size it was...a 16W!!! I couldn't believe it! I know that coats are sized differently than many other clothes, but I absolutely CAN NOT remember the last time I was in a 16 anything! WHOOHOO!!!

I regularly read posts from other people on www.obesityhelp.com. And one recent post was talking about self-esteem. She started the post with these words..."I like myself." She went on to describe the change in her life - and how so much of it is mental and emotional rather than just simply physical. This really resonated with me - and I would have to agree with her.

Yesterday, someone teasingly said that I was flaunting my stuff...and I laughed and said, "Well, if you've got it..." This gentleman has been a wonderful cheerleader for this whole journey, as has very nearly everyone at my congregation. But what he was really saying is, "You seem happy with yourself, and it shows - in everything you do." I AM happy with myself. Seeing results every week has been a great motivator, and I'm sticking with this, like I have NEVER stuck with any diet plan before. I'm crossing off goals - one at a time. I'm losing weight every week. I'm paying more attention to how clothes fit - and what they look like. I'm wearing jewelry (especially the toe rings - lol!) I feel like I have been given this wonderful, precious gift - and I'm eternally grateful.